What do you believe and why?

What are some of your most deeply held beliefs or convictions? Why do you believe them? For most of us, our parents played a key role in shaping our beliefs.  Many of our beliefs have been shaped by personal experiences, teachers, peers, society, ministers and traditions.  They are not our original beliefs, but someone else’s.

What we believe matters.   What we believe can lead us down a path that leads to good or bad, success or failure, safety or danger, happiness or sadness, humility or pride and even love or hate.   One set of convictions or beliefs shapes those  that belong to the Ku Klux Klan or The Black Panthers or ISIS and another set of beliefs shapes those that belong to charitable organizations, support groups, community service that benefits all, etc.  What we believe really does matter.

From the earliest times Christians made attempts to summarize their essential beliefs the Apostle’s Creed is an example of that.  I know of no church organization that does not have a statement of beliefs and I know of no fraternal organization that does not have a statement of beliefs.  Beliefs matter!  They define our values, morals and relationships.  They shape our goals, ambitions, hopes, and dreams.  It is important we know what we believe in and be able to defends those beliefs.

Unfortunately we can be so rigid in our beliefs and convictions that we cannot listen to those with different beliefs or convictions.  This is especially true in the religious world.  Regardless of what we believe about God, humanity or our world, we will lack certainty and that lack of certainty should lead us to humility in our convictions and in our interactions with those who disagree with us.  How can anyone prove beyond a shadow of doubt  what they believe is absolute truth and that there is no other way?

I learned long ago that what I believed was sometimes flawed and not only hurt me it hurt others.  This is not going to set well with many, but there was a time that I believed if you did not accept Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior you COULD NOT go to heaven.   Pastor Joel Olsten is criticized by many in the religious community because he will not state point blank that your destiny is hell if you do not accept Jesus Christ.  I am not God and God has inspired men in scripture to write, “My ways or not your ways”, I am not to judge, but leave that to Him, that He can do anything He pleases and does not need our permission. 

I once believe that abortion was an unforgivable sin.  I once believed people that divorced and remarried without jumping through the church's legal loops to get an annulment could not partake of the sacraments.  I once believed if you were not baptized you could not go to heaven and that babies who died before being baptized were in LIMBO.  I once believed in purgatory.  I once believed priest had a special power to represent God when it came to forgiving yours sins.  I once believed we needed to sacrifice Christ over and over again at every mass as if the one sacrifice on the cross was not enough.  I now do not believe any of those things.  Not only did I sincerely believe those things I taught them to others.  I believed them because that is what my parents believed and my church believed.  I did not know any different and did not think I had the right to question them.

What we believe has a significant impact on our lives.  Our beliefs influence who we marry , the career we choose, the way we see right and wrong, how we see our parent and our children, what we do with our time and money, and how we face adversity.  Those beliefs lead us to say no to many things we may have said yes to and yes to things we might otherwise have said no to.

“I believe in God, the Father Almighty, creator of heaven and earth.”  I believe Christians must believe there is a God, a Supreme Being, that created the universe.  How God created it may be open for debate, but it is essential that a Christian believe that God did create all things.  I believe Christians must perceive God not simply as a force of nature, but as an entity, a Being, that is both intelligent and powerful.

Men like Isaac Newton, Blaise Pascal, and Galileo, who, despite the church’s blunder in criticizing their conclusions, continued to maintain their faith in God.  I do think science and faith are compatible.  I also believe these men were far more intelligent than me.  There are some scientist that do not believe in God, but there is just as many that do.

 Jesus Christ is our defining story.  Jesus demonstrates who God is, what God is like, and what God’s will is for our lives. His life and ministry, His death and resurrection shape how we see ourselves and how we see the world.  Jesus Christ provides us with a different perspective on life.  Christians believe we were born with purpose, our lives have meaning and when our mortal body is finished, we’ve only just begun to live. 

Richard Dawkins (who I believe to be evil) once wrote, “We are survival machines—robot vehicles blindly programmed to preserve the selfish molecules known as genes.” But faith in Jesus says that we were made for more than this.  In fact, the pain and brokenness in our world are largely the result of our living as “robot vehicles” blindly focused on serving the self.  Jesus calls us to be authentically human, to love, give, serve, and rise above our selfish genes.  As we do so we not only make the world a more just and compassionate place; we find joy in the process.  I pity Richard Dawkins and I am willing to show him mercy because of his broken body that may influence his beliefs.  Regardless of what Richard Dawkins says about Jesus Christ or what anyone else may say I know Jesus of Nazareth has been the dominant figure in the history of Western culture for over 2000 years and I doubt that Richard Dawkins will be.   

When God sought to communicate His love for us, he sent Jesus. It was in His Son that God’s message came to us and became our defining story. Through Jesus, God was saying: You matter to me and I love you.  In Jesus, God showed that He cares about those who are lost and those who are made to feel unimportant.  He showed us compassion for the sick.  He showed us how to love, to forgive, to give, to serve.  In Jesus’ death on the cross God showed us the depth of His love and the price of grace. And in Jesus’ resurrection, God defeated our evil, hate, sin, and death! 

My church has put so much emphasis on Mother Mary that our people know little about the Holy Spirit.  Many Christians in our church haven’t been taught about the Spirit, nor encouraged to seek the Spirit’s work in their lives. As a result, their spiritual lives are a bit anemic and they are trying to live the Christian life on their own power and wisdom.  That is impossible!

What are the voices you listen to, and what are the powers that shape your life?  I find there are voices in my own life that would lead me to give in to hate, indifference, desire, pride, infidelity, selfishness, or greed. But when we listen to the voice of the Spirit and open ourselves to the Spirit’s active work in our lives, we find that we are led to a very different place and to become very different people.

The Spirit convicts us and quickens our conscience when we’re doing wrong. The Spirit, through persistent nudges, urges us to act selflessly in our care for others. The Spirit makes us long to be more than we are at the present and to become more like the people God intended us to be.  in Galatians 5:22-23: “The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.”  The Holy Spirit gives us these gifts and no where in the Bible does it say Mother Mary does. 

How different is this fruit than the fruit of our own hearts, and the culture around us.

The “Holy” and catholic (universal/unity) church.”  When many people view the church today, it looks neither holy nor catholic. It seems filled with hypocrites and judgmental people; in fact, this is one reason why many have turned away from “organized religion” and why so many young adults today say that they are “spiritual but not religious.”  Interestingly, these same young people have great admiration for Jesus, but far less admiration for His people, the church. They see neither holiness nor catholicity (unity) when they look at the most vocal Christians and the most outspoken churches today. 

The word holy in the biblical context means belonging to God, or “sacred to” God or “set apart for” God. You’ve likely heard it said that the church is not a country club for perfect people, but instead a hospital for broken and sinful people who are slowly being made well. We need to make sure the non-churched understand that we know that and stop pretending we are bunch of perfect people.  The church does not belong to us it belongs to God.  The next time you try and tell someone they are sitting in your seat at church remember that. The church is holy when we love Christ and seeks to be faithful to Him.  The church is holy when we are not attacking one another for interpreting a scripture differently. 

Christ tried to forestall the divisions among His followers by telling His disciples not to judge one another, and to love one another and forgive one another. Nevertheless, the church divided and continues to divide to this day.   Our belief in the holy, catholic church (universal/unity) is an ecumenical belief that all who call upon the name of Christ and seek to follow Him as Savior and Lord are, despite their denominational or nondenominational names, part of one universal church.  The Roman Catholic Church is a part of that one universal church, and so is the Eastern Orthodox Church, as well as the Lutherans, Presbyterians, Episcopalians, Baptists, Pentecostals, Methodists, nondenominational churches, and all the rest.  What right do you have to say Catholics are not CHRISTIANS?  Does it make you feel more important than Catholics, more loved by God?  PRIDE!

I still believe in the importance of the church, but unfortunately at the moment I find that I cannot attend and that certainly has affected my life in a negative way.  I pray one day before I die I will be able to find a church that I can return to and feel at home.  I have not stopped looking.  People need to be able to express differences of opinion within the church and be respected and loved.  I knew that once in a church in Galveston, Texas and I will never forget it. 

Put down your rocks!

Many Protestants say that all sin is the same in the sight of God. Others, while they admit that some sins are worse than others, argue that all sins, if not forgiven, bring death to the soul. They imply that Catholics are soft on sin.

Protestants will quote, "The wages of sin is death" (Rom. 6:23), and "The soul that sins shall die" (Ezek. 18:4), but what about 1 John 5:17, "Not all sin is mortal." Jesus, John and Paul indicated that some sins are greater than others they knew that the Jews taught that sins committed intentionally were more serious.

John 19:11 - Jesus says before Pilate, "You would have no power over me unless it had been given you from above; therefore he who delivered me to you has the greater sin." Jesus must have recognized a greater and lesser degree of sin.

1 John 5:17 - “All wrongdoing is sin, but there is sin which is not mortal.”

Some Christians would say that sin is sin, and all are the same.  I do not think the Bible agrees with that. Any kind of unrepentant sin can send one to hell. But the Bible speaks of one kind of sin that God referred to by a different name: It was called an Abomination. The word “abominable” refers to something which is extremely despised. Therefore, there are some things which God hates extremely.

These are some things which are found in Proverbs 6:16-19 that are said to be abominable to the Lord.

  A Proud Look:  “Every one that is proud in heart is an abomination to the Lord “(Prov. 16:5). Pride is an attitude of arrogance, superiority, boastfulness. The wealthy often feel superior to the poor; the educated often feel superior to the uneducated; the strong often feel superior to the weak. The Pharisee displayed an attitude of arrogant superiority toward the publican, Luke 18:9-14. This attitude is still present today when some Christians act “holier-than-thou”.  A Christian must display humility. He or she needs to imitate the humility of Jesus Philippians 2:2-3 and not the superiority of the wicked. Do any of us really display humility all the time?

  2.      A Lying Tongue: “Lying lips are abomination to the Lord” (Prov. 12:22). People lie for different reasons. Some auto dealers lie to sell automobiles. Some politicians lie to win an election. Some preachers lie to gain wealth. Some people lie with the intent of keeping peace. But, the Bible states, there is no justification for one to lie to another.  ALL LIARS shall have their part in the lake of fire. Revelation 21:8.  Has any Christian not told a lie?

  3.     Hands That Shed Innocent Blood: “Shedding innocent blood” is a reference to murder. A physician, who is trained to save life and use their medical instruments to kill an innocent unborn baby as a means of birth control is an abomination to God and all those that participate in the procedure are likewise guilty of murder. Anyone who kills, or attempts to kill the righteous is an abomination to God, Deuteronomy 19:10; Isa 59:7, 8. Is an accident that takes a life when the party involved is under the influence of drugs or alcohol included in this? I think it is.

  4.     A Heart That Devises Wickedness: “The thoughts of the wicked are an abomination to the Lord,” Proverbs 15:26. Before wickedness is committed, it is planned and plotted. This would include robbery, pornographic movie or magazine, rape, seduction, cheating, fraud, gossip, etc. Have you really never planned anything that you knew would profit you, but would be a disadvantage to others?

        Feet That Are Swift in Running to Mischief: If you have ever done anything for pleasure while knowing that God would not approve this would apply to you. We should all remember to be swift to hear, but slow to speak, and slow to anger, but how many of us have always done that.

  6.     A False Witness: A false witness is a special kind of liar their lying assists in perverting justice. The false witness distorts the truth. Does it really have to be only in court that bearing false witness is an abomination to God? Most of us deal with dispensing some kind of justice every day, especially if you are a parent. When you remain silent and you know a wrong has been committed, when you support a friend and you know they have wronged another, when you cover up the wrongs of your children is that not also bearing false witness? I tend to believe we have all been bearers of false witness at some time in our lives.

  7.     He or She That Sows Discord: Those who disrupt the unity of God’s people are objects of God’s anger. The unity of God’s people is destroyed by gossips and carrying tales. “Where no wood is, there the fire goes out: so where there is no talebearer, the strife ceases. As coals are to burning coals, and wood to fire; so is a contentious man to kindle strife”, Proverb 26:20, 21. A whisperer separates chief friends, Proverb 16:28; 17:9. Wow! You are really a good person if you have never gossiped or repeated something to someone that you knew before you said it would not benefit the person you were carrying the tale on.

Who's the biggest sinner? WE HAVE ALL SINNED. We all need to put our stones down and stop acting like hypocrites. It is human nature to look upon the sins and faults of others, while often overlooking our own sins. James 2:10, “For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he or she is guilty of all.” This is a doctrine that is hardly touched upon in churches today.

 No Christian should claim to be less a sinner than others. There is no teaching in the Bible that says Christians are less sinful than unsaved people. Christians should never reject the sinner because of a perceived sin we think he or she has committed. We ought to love everybody with God's unconditional love, but many in the Christian Churches are rejecting others when it comes to our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters. I am tired of hearing them say we love the sinner, but not the sin and then close their doors on the sinner. Where do they expect them to go? If they are not welcome in their church then you should take responsibility for sending them to the gay bars.

 If we could ever hate the sin in ourselves as much as we hate the sin in others, we might have a better idea what the Bible is all about. I have no righteousness to offer God, and neither do you. People tend to judge themselves based upon the sins they personally DON'T commit. People who don't commit adultery are quick to condemn others who commit adultery, because that's not their sin. Some Christians who are not homosexual are quick to condemn homosexuals without taking a good look at themselves.

 “Two men went up into the temple to pray; the one a Pharisee, and the other a publican. The Pharisee stood and prayed thus with himself, God, I thank thee, that I am not as other men are, extortionist, unjust, adulterers, or even as this publican. I fast twice in the week; I give tithes of all that I possess. And the publican, standing afar off, would not lift up so much as his eyes unto heaven, but smote upon his breast, saying, God be merciful to me a sinner. I tell you, this man went down to his house justified rather than the other: for every one that exalted himself shall be abased; and he that humbled himself shall be exalted, “Luke 18:10-14.

We had all better think twice before we decide to throw rocks at other people who sin, denouncing them as evil, and taking delight in their troubles (HIV/AIDS). Our day of reckoning is also coming. So before you look down in disdain upon someone else who you think has sinned, you had better consider your own sins, because the Lord will judge us according to how we judge others.

Retirement can be hell!

 I finally made the decision to retire because of my health. I have always loved working and poured myself into it. When I finally had to admit that I could no longer maintain the schedule that I had spent five plus decades managing it was confusing to say the least. In the beginning I tried to convince myself that sleeping as late as I wanted sounded good; eating when I wanted would be great; not having someone at the door at daybreak asking questions or wanting something would be fabulous. Ah! Finally a no stress life, but was I ever wrong. I simply traded one stress that I had always loved, for another stress that I soon discovered I hated.

Contrary to what many think, retirement has been one of the most stressful times in my life and I am sure that others have found it to be the same for them. This is because life is based on a social status that is dependent on what people do for society, and therefore that is how society identifies with them and they identify with themselves. Once retired, I felt that some people who once saw me as a contributor to society now saw me as a parasite: consuming but not producing. Not only did I feel society view me that way, I saw myself in the same way.  I cannot count the number of times I have said, “I am no longer needed”, “I am only taking up space”, “I serve no purpose” and “Why does God keep allowing me to breathe”.

While working I was frequently in the spotlight and quite honestly I did not realize the impact the attention and admiration I received from my work had on my sense of self-worth. I would have denied it if someone would have suggested my being deprived of attention and admiration would lead me to feeling rejected and empty. I would have thought those kinds of feelings to be prideful and arrogant, something I never saw myself as being.

Retirement is really payback time; there should be no guilt. These expected fourteen years for men and twenty-three for women have been earned, so what the newly retired should concentrate on is how to enjoy them to the fullest and reduce any post retirement stress. But, there is a catch; knowing and doing are two different things. I did feel guilt and often still do. My caregiver would tell me, “Father, You worked hard 18 hours a day for nearly 50 years. You contributed more than most, stop feeling guilty. You deserve to rest, you earned it.”

I found retirement contributed to feelings of grief and as in any grief response, the feelings of gloom and hopelessness were exaggerated in my mind. The loss in retirement was not of an individual, but of a way of life. In addition to dealing with grief I had to deal with a feeling of worthlessness because I no longer saw myself as contributing to society.

Most people do not like feeling like a parasite, nor do they welcome losing the status they once had. They cannot help but notice they no longer receive the respect they once had. They become over-sensitive; begin to feel like ‘yesterday’s man or woman’.

I noticed right away I was not welcome back at the parish by other priest as I had thought I would be. My once sought after advice was no longer needed. It did not take long for me to realize my fate.  Celebrating Mass as a lay person would be my only association with my past place of employment. Then because I had become bitter I found I spend the time during the Homily critiquing the Celebrant and thinking I could do a better job than him. 

I realize the feelings I have on retirement are not universal. Many people retire and never have a moment to spare in their new lives. They actually enjoy retirement. But, I aged ten years during the first year of retirement. I never lacked confidence, but I began to feel stripped of confidence. I felt defeated, beaten, bored and lost. I think one thing that made my retirement more difficult is I had not mentally prepared for it. It was not something I thought was going to happen when it did.

I am not sure I could have prepared for boredom, but I think it would have been better if I could have tried to do so. Retiring gradually is also something I think would have made my retirement better. I do not think there is one ‘retirement plan’ that fits all. I have witness people retire very young and never get bored.

I have tried to analyze why there is such a difference in how people deal with retirement. Those people that had a life outside of work seem to do far better than those like myself that devoted their life to their work. Today, I would advise all young people not to let their work consume them. Manage your work time and do not let it manage you. Young people should establish their own identity and not allow their work to become their identity. Depression after retirement is a real problem. Many people, who have invested a lot in their careers and neglected other areas of their lives, may suddenly feel emptiness and despair which leads to depression.

The loss of independence due to health issues has been a major stress factor for me. I am not use to asking or allowing people to do things for me, especially things that I once did for myself. I often feel I am a prisoner to my circumstances. My emotional feelings over retirement contribute to my health issues being worse and I know that, but once again knowing and doing something about it are two different things.

It may not sound important to others, but it has proven important to me – it is difficult for me not to be able to go places by myself and not need someone with me all the time. I think a similar situation could become a problem for husbands and wives who during a working career had a break from each other five days a week. They retire and find they are together 24/7 and that can create all kinds of problems. I have sat in malls and watched older men following behind their wives carrying shopping bags, bend over, looking defeated and wondered if the man was once the head of a corporation, a doctor, a professor or entrepreneur and now is reduced to being a ‘bag boy’. I think it is important for retirees to try and maintain some semblance of independence.

My one outlet to the world is my blog and yearly book. I admit I have concerns of getting Alzheimer’s since it seems to be a plague for my mother’s side of the family. Through observation of my own family I have come to believe maintaining a good social life where different people meet regularly in a mutually enjoyable activity slows Alzheimer’s. Those in my family that suffered from Alzheimer’s retired and locked themselves off from the world. I unfortunately have made maintaining a good social life difficult by moving to a foreign country where I have to deal with a language barrier. If I had it to do over again I do not know that I would choose to leave behind an established social life that took years to cultivate.

I allowed myself to get away from a structured life and that did not work for me. I spend half the morning in bed and the only activity of my day was going to the mall for coffee.  I have now started getting up at the same time as the rest of the world, washing and dressing, as I had all my life prior to retirement. I am assisting my caregiver and his sister in opening a small cantina and sari-sari store to occupy my time and I hope it makes me feel more productive and needed. I have contacted Field of Dreams Boys Home and getting involved with that organization on a limited basis. I am shopping around for a new parish in an attempt to find a priest that is willing to devote the time needed to prepare a decent homily so I can once again have an opportunity to learn.

I have always planned my income and expenditure at the beginning of each year and I continued that after retirement. I had planned financially for my retirement so at the moment finances is not a problem for me. I realize I am no longer in a position to earn more money so I am stricter on myself than before retirement. I would like for everyone to know the days when a pension was big enough to leave a person as well-off as when working have passed. Young people should start saving for retirement out of their first paycheck and make it a habit. The amount does not have to be great, but your loyalty to a retirement fund must be.

I am not an expert on retirement or depression, but in closing I would like to offer a few suggestions that have been given to me. Some of the suggestions came too late for me, but maybe not for you:

•Lead a balanced lifestyle and cultivate interests outside of work.

•Don’t wait until retirement to plan what to do with your time. Plan ahead.

•Prevent isolation by getting involved in activities where you can socialize and meet people with the same interests or in a similar position.

®Do not assume your children and grandchildren will be there to entertain you when you retire.

•If you are concerned that you may be suffering from depression, seek help as soon as possible. I waited until I cried at the most inappropriate times before I shared my problem with my cardiologist because I was too embarrassed to share what I saw as a weakness, but I found him to be most helpful.

How do you know you may be suffering from depression: If you have any of the following signs you should consider the possibility you are depressed.

•Persistent sad, anxious or empty mood

•Feelings of hopelessness or pessimism

•Loss of pleasure or interest in ordinary activities

•Problems with sleep (sleeping too much or too little)

•Loss of appetite or overeating

•Decreased energy

•Restlessness or irritability

•Difficulty concentrating, remembering or making decisions

•Inappropriate feelings of guilt.

I myself was feeling hopelessness and had become pessimistic; I no longer was interested in the things that once had been important to me; Sleeping had become a major issue; I lost sixty pounds in less than one year; I had no energy; I became extremely irritable with everything and everyone; Concentration became a problem and I felt guilty because God has always blessed me abundantly and continued to do so in spite of myself.

Even though I knew the signs of depression and counseled people with depression I refused to accept that depression and not strictly physical health issues were my problem. I have always been an advocate for mental health, counseling and medication, but when it came to my personal depression that was an entirely different story. I saw my depression as a weakness or lack of faith, something I would never associate with someone else’s depression. Do not let pride stand in your way of getting help.

Thank you Dr. Roy Barcinas, M.D., Davao, Philippines, for your advice!

 

 

 

Buy wise and lessen stress!

We do not need clutter in our lives. The more we pursue “more,” the more stressed we become. More stuff means more maintenance, involves time, energy, and resources. The truth is that more stuff makes us less happy. There comes a point when we have enough stuff, and everything above and beyond that level only creates stress.

Before making a purchase, ask yourself, “Do I really need this?” and “Why do I want it?” these questions will help you to determine the true motivation of your desired purchase. Is it a need, a self-esteem issue, or something else? You may find yourself wrestling with your true motive and decide that your reason for purchasing the item is not a good one.

Do not buy replacements for things you already have until you absolutely need them. Take better care of your possessions and remind yourself that you don’t always need to have new things.

I have a friend that believes he has to have the latest cell phone model on the market. I have used the same cell phone for over five years and it works fine. I had a priest friend that needed a new car every 18 months. I drove a Ford Explorer for ten years and it was like new when I got a new car. I was able to save and purchase a small farm by not buying what I did not need and my priest friend never had anything, but a new car that was never paid in full.

For some reason, we think we have to spend money to have fun. That’s just not so. Simplify your entertainment choices. Travel now and pay later can cost you three times as much in the end.

Some of us are living beyond our means, and the stress is killing us. I can’t tell you how much stress relief and joy can be found in selling an expensive car and buying one you can pay for in full. Selling a large home and downsizing with smaller payments can bring more happiness than you think.

Simplifying your life requires self-control. It’s about not giving in to instant gratification. Stop being a slave to impulse buying.

Have you ever walked into a department store looking for a new pair of shoes and walked out with a whole new wardrobe instead? That is impulse buying! Does your trip to the store for some toothpaste end up costing you $50? That is impulse buying! Impulse shopper make purchasing decisions based on impulse rather than planning, research and premeditation.  Retail establishments love impulse shoppers.

Retailers study how to encourage impulse buying for it is very lucrative. Bigger is better, even when it comes to shopping carts. Big-box stores line up hundreds of super-sized shopping carts at the entrance. The average shopper intends to buy only one or two items; an empty cart entices you to fill it up. The customer service desk is almost always located in the back of the store. This means you have to walk through a lot of merchandise – with eye-catching displays on the way.  The more you see, the more you buy, so say market researchers. Retailers hide high-commodity items like socks, among high-ticket items like jeans or outerwear because they know that once you’ve decided to buy socks you’ll be more open to buying other clothing items as well. Employees are instructed to put the most expensive products at eye level.  Better deals are usually at the bottom of the shelf. Sugary cereals are down by your knees, at your kids’ eye level. Grocers know that if they can’t entice you into buying it, they can get your kid to badger you into it instead. Ever wonder why every checkout counter has magazines on display?  It’s because shoppers have just enough time to skim the headlines before it’s their turn in line – but not enough time to get the full scoop.  So they’ll end up buying the magazine and probably a candy bar, too.

Avoid jumbo shopping carts. Stick to a shopping list. The more focused you are, the less likely you are to make impulse purchases. Carry a pocket calculator to compare costs. Wait 48 hours before making a major purchase and consider the pros and cons of the purchase.  Don’t let strolling the mall become your favorite form of recreation. Shop smart, save big and have less stress.

 

What kind of giver are you - grudging or cheerful?

Deuteronomy 15:10 – “Give generously to them and do so without a grudging heart; then because of this the LORD your God will bless you in all your work and in everything you put your hand to.”  2 Corinthians 9:7 – “Each one must do just as he has purposed in his heart, not grudgingly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.”  Proverbs 11: - “A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will be refreshed.” Romans 12:8 – “If it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully.

The above scriptures do not apply only to what you give to the church or to the Lord.  These scriptures apply to what you give to friends, family and the poor.  They include all types of giving.  The meaning is simple if you do not truly want to give a gift then do not give it.  No blessing comes to you when a gift is given out of obligation or resentment.  Many times people give only because someone asks them to give and they would be embarrassed to refuse.  Sometimes people give in hopes others will look favorably upon them.  Often people give simply because they do not have the courage to refuse.  Do you know the meaning of hypocrite?

Paul said, “Each one must do just as he has purposed in his heart, not grudgingly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. “  The attitude behind the giving really matters.  There is a huge difference between giving stuff that you feel obligated to and cheerfully giving something to another person from the heart because it brings you joy.  Giving should bring you joy and happiness and when you give cheerfully it brings God joy.

Giving is a natural and a spiritual process.  Receiving plays a major part in that process because the giving is not complete until the gift is accepted.  Many say never refuse to accept a gift.  It is true; you really should not block someone's opportunity to receive a blessing.  But what if you know the gift was not given to you with the right attitude?  Should you accept a gift when you know someone did not want to give it?  Say the gift giver has deliberately avoided you for months or years and has not responded to you in that same period of time are you obligated to accept there gift.   If you did not accept the gift you would not be blocking a blessing because God is not going to bless that kind of giving in the first place.  Loveless giving is not Christian giving!

Refusing to accept a gift can deny a person the opportunity to extend a blessing to others that would bring them joy and happiness.  I have to admit it has always been difficult for me to accept gifts for I have never really needed anything.  I was reminded by an elderly lady of the harm I was doing when I refused a gift. She said to me, "Father it is not fair for you to deny me a bit of happiness when I give you a personal gift."

When we give we should ask ourselves what is the reason for our giving.  The Lord wants us to give for the right reasons.  Jesus warned His disciples not to give for the sake of being admired by men. "Beware of practicing your righteousness before men to be noticed by them," Matthew 6:1.  We should seek God’s approval for our giving, rather than the praise and admiration of people.  Are you giving for God's praise or the praise of men? 

The question of accepting a gift from someone who does not like you or does not respect you or no longer wants to be friends with you can be a problem.  I do not believe refusing the gift in a polite way is a sin.

Some would say you should not refuse a gift because it may embarrass the giver, but what about the receiver’s feelings?  Should the receiver be a hypocrite and accept something that goes against their conscience?  I honestly believe some people continue to do wrong because they are allowed to get away with it.   I think we do wrong by trying to save the face of those who do not deserve to have their face saved.  I would prefer to be honest than be a hypocrite.

I personally do not want anything that someone gives to me grudgingly or with strings attached.  I have had gifts given to me that I could not use or someone else needed more than me and I have passed them on.  The giver would later find out and be enraged at me for giving their gift away.  This is one example of giving with strings being attached.  Once you give someone a gift that gift becomes the receivers free and clear unless you have an agreement beforehand. 

The question remains do you accept gifts from hypocrites.   I guess you have to weigh each situation.  Will others be hurt if you refuse the gift?  What is to be gained if you refuse the gift?  I do not think it is a sin to refuse a gift when you think it is morally wrong for you to accept it. Politicians are certainly acting immoral when they accept bribes.  Whatever you decide to do be polite and do it in love.  Do not do it in an attempt to get even or seek revenge.  Perhaps God will give you a triple blessing for swallowing your pride and saying ‘thank you’.  

I admit I have an issue with pride and it is hard for me to allow people to think they are pulling one over on me.  I often confront others when I think that is happening and sometimes I wish I had not.  I pray and work hard at trying to think before I react.  The tongue can truly be destructive.