Put down your rocks!

Many Protestants say that all sin is the same in the sight of God. Others, while they admit that some sins are worse than others, argue that all sins, if not forgiven, bring death to the soul. They imply that Catholics are soft on sin.

Protestants will quote, "The wages of sin is death" (Rom. 6:23), and "The soul that sins shall die" (Ezek. 18:4), but what about 1 John 5:17, "Not all sin is mortal." Jesus, John and Paul indicated that some sins are greater than others they knew that the Jews taught that sins committed intentionally were more serious.

John 19:11 - Jesus says before Pilate, "You would have no power over me unless it had been given you from above; therefore he who delivered me to you has the greater sin." Jesus must have recognized a greater and lesser degree of sin.

1 John 5:17 - “All wrongdoing is sin, but there is sin which is not mortal.”

Some Christians would say that sin is sin, and all are the same.  I do not think the Bible agrees with that. Any kind of unrepentant sin can send one to hell. But the Bible speaks of one kind of sin that God referred to by a different name: It was called an Abomination. The word “abominable” refers to something which is extremely despised. Therefore, there are some things which God hates extremely.

These are some things which are found in Proverbs 6:16-19 that are said to be abominable to the Lord.

  A Proud Look:  “Every one that is proud in heart is an abomination to the Lord “(Prov. 16:5). Pride is an attitude of arrogance, superiority, boastfulness. The wealthy often feel superior to the poor; the educated often feel superior to the uneducated; the strong often feel superior to the weak. The Pharisee displayed an attitude of arrogant superiority toward the publican, Luke 18:9-14. This attitude is still present today when some Christians act “holier-than-thou”.  A Christian must display humility. He or she needs to imitate the humility of Jesus Philippians 2:2-3 and not the superiority of the wicked. Do any of us really display humility all the time?

  2.      A Lying Tongue: “Lying lips are abomination to the Lord” (Prov. 12:22). People lie for different reasons. Some auto dealers lie to sell automobiles. Some politicians lie to win an election. Some preachers lie to gain wealth. Some people lie with the intent of keeping peace. But, the Bible states, there is no justification for one to lie to another.  ALL LIARS shall have their part in the lake of fire. Revelation 21:8.  Has any Christian not told a lie?

  3.     Hands That Shed Innocent Blood: “Shedding innocent blood” is a reference to murder. A physician, who is trained to save life and use their medical instruments to kill an innocent unborn baby as a means of birth control is an abomination to God and all those that participate in the procedure are likewise guilty of murder. Anyone who kills, or attempts to kill the righteous is an abomination to God, Deuteronomy 19:10; Isa 59:7, 8. Is an accident that takes a life when the party involved is under the influence of drugs or alcohol included in this? I think it is.

  4.     A Heart That Devises Wickedness: “The thoughts of the wicked are an abomination to the Lord,” Proverbs 15:26. Before wickedness is committed, it is planned and plotted. This would include robbery, pornographic movie or magazine, rape, seduction, cheating, fraud, gossip, etc. Have you really never planned anything that you knew would profit you, but would be a disadvantage to others?

        Feet That Are Swift in Running to Mischief: If you have ever done anything for pleasure while knowing that God would not approve this would apply to you. We should all remember to be swift to hear, but slow to speak, and slow to anger, but how many of us have always done that.

  6.     A False Witness: A false witness is a special kind of liar their lying assists in perverting justice. The false witness distorts the truth. Does it really have to be only in court that bearing false witness is an abomination to God? Most of us deal with dispensing some kind of justice every day, especially if you are a parent. When you remain silent and you know a wrong has been committed, when you support a friend and you know they have wronged another, when you cover up the wrongs of your children is that not also bearing false witness? I tend to believe we have all been bearers of false witness at some time in our lives.

  7.     He or She That Sows Discord: Those who disrupt the unity of God’s people are objects of God’s anger. The unity of God’s people is destroyed by gossips and carrying tales. “Where no wood is, there the fire goes out: so where there is no talebearer, the strife ceases. As coals are to burning coals, and wood to fire; so is a contentious man to kindle strife”, Proverb 26:20, 21. A whisperer separates chief friends, Proverb 16:28; 17:9. Wow! You are really a good person if you have never gossiped or repeated something to someone that you knew before you said it would not benefit the person you were carrying the tale on.

Who's the biggest sinner? WE HAVE ALL SINNED. We all need to put our stones down and stop acting like hypocrites. It is human nature to look upon the sins and faults of others, while often overlooking our own sins. James 2:10, “For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he or she is guilty of all.” This is a doctrine that is hardly touched upon in churches today.

 No Christian should claim to be less a sinner than others. There is no teaching in the Bible that says Christians are less sinful than unsaved people. Christians should never reject the sinner because of a perceived sin we think he or she has committed. We ought to love everybody with God's unconditional love, but many in the Christian Churches are rejecting others when it comes to our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters. I am tired of hearing them say we love the sinner, but not the sin and then close their doors on the sinner. Where do they expect them to go? If they are not welcome in their church then you should take responsibility for sending them to the gay bars.

 If we could ever hate the sin in ourselves as much as we hate the sin in others, we might have a better idea what the Bible is all about. I have no righteousness to offer God, and neither do you. People tend to judge themselves based upon the sins they personally DON'T commit. People who don't commit adultery are quick to condemn others who commit adultery, because that's not their sin. Some Christians who are not homosexual are quick to condemn homosexuals without taking a good look at themselves.

 “Two men went up into the temple to pray; the one a Pharisee, and the other a publican. The Pharisee stood and prayed thus with himself, God, I thank thee, that I am not as other men are, extortionist, unjust, adulterers, or even as this publican. I fast twice in the week; I give tithes of all that I possess. And the publican, standing afar off, would not lift up so much as his eyes unto heaven, but smote upon his breast, saying, God be merciful to me a sinner. I tell you, this man went down to his house justified rather than the other: for every one that exalted himself shall be abased; and he that humbled himself shall be exalted, “Luke 18:10-14.

We had all better think twice before we decide to throw rocks at other people who sin, denouncing them as evil, and taking delight in their troubles (HIV/AIDS). Our day of reckoning is also coming. So before you look down in disdain upon someone else who you think has sinned, you had better consider your own sins, because the Lord will judge us according to how we judge others.

Get rid of toxic friends!

I have always thought you should be kind to everyone you meet, but lately I am having a hard time doing it. It is easier for me to be kind to the person driving the car that just cut me off or the annoying woman taking forever in front of me in the checkout lane or the person who cut in front of me while waiting for a taxi, than it is for me to continue to be nice to people who call themselves friend or neighbor and constantly irritate me.

I am finding there are some people I simply cannot deal with any longer like the friend/neighbor that is totally oblivious to my pain. They believe they are the only one that has pain and troubles.  I have to apply the lesson that I have preached for years that some people must be loved from a distance and you must get them out of your life.

These people are insensitive and rude to me and they may not even realize it. Their cry for help manifests itself as selfishness, closed-mindedness, anger, insecurity, rudeness, disinterest and malice. I tried to rationalize it was simply a cultural difference, but I can no longer do that. They bring nothing positive to my life!

I am ready to cut out of my life people that continue to be phonies and I cannot trust. I am getting too old to waste time with those who do not understand honesty and loyalty. Mean people who do not disguise themselves as nice I can tolerate. I have come to realize it is better to have an enemy that slaps you in the face than friends that stabs you in the back.

If you're not careful, toxic people can negatively influence the way you think, feel, and behave. They can introduce unnecessary stress into your life and cause chaos that will drag you down. This family has certainly done that for me.

I have a friend/neighbor that I am constantly grumbling and complaining about to my caregiver every time they contact me or their name is mentioned. My talking about these toxic people  when they're not around gives them more power over my life than I am any longer willing to give them.

Every time someone tells me something these gossipers and master manipulators have said about me strong emotions are stirred up. Stress, frustration and rage follows. These toxic friends can get the best of me and cause me to lose control of my emotions.

I no longer want to spend time blaming them for the toxic relationship. My attempts at placing blame have made me realize these toxic people have too much power over me. I now accept personal responsibility for how I spend my time and whom I spend it with. I felt an obligation to put up with them before because I am a retired priest, but no more.

My feeling of dread waiting for them to text or visit consumed a lot of my time and energy.  Christmas is now approaching and I know they will be contacting me to wish me merry Christmas and to tell me how much they miss and love me. This is their routine thinking it will warrant a gift for their grandchild. They also do this around their birthdays, etc. I actually had bought the grandchild a present in preparation for this Christmas, but then today I was told about a nasty remark the husband had made about me and I gave the gift to another child.

I had decided sometime back if I could not beat them, I would just join them. I thought I would accept their behavior even though it was not in accordance with my values. It seemed to be the last resort, but it wasn’t an effective coping strategy. Ultimately, it only created more chaos in my life.

Their manipulative and aggressive tactics made it difficult to set healthy boundaries. When things were not going the way they wanted they would reminded me, “We love you like family, but you will not accept us as family.” I then always felt it was my fault. Without healthy boundaries, it is impossible to protect myself emotionally from their grasp.

I was always in a bad mood after any contact with them. Even thinking of a possible upcoming contact with them upset me. Their unhealthy behavior caused my relationships with others to suffer.

I have decided no longer wasting my time thinking about them will not be enough - I must cut them out of my life. It does not matter how I end the relationship I will be perceived as "mean".  I have been patient long enough.

The husband is like a venomous snake in the grass. He smiles at me when face to face and lies about me when with others and he lies to me about what others say about me. One such occasion was last Easter. The neighborhood chapel does the stations of the cross. There was no reason for him to tell me, but he said when they met the neighbors did not want to have one of the stations at my house and he pleaded with them to do so. I ask him why they would not want to come to my house and he claimed he did not know, but he begged them to change their minds. His parting words were, “Father, I will always have your back.” It upset me and I contacted one of the men on the chapel committed and he told me that it never happened. The man wanted the station placed at his house and requested it be placed there instead of my house. 

Today, I learn that he said if they came to my house to Christmas Carol, a Philippine tradition, he would not come.  Again if he did not want to come to my house he did not have to come, but he did not have to say anything to anyone, just don't come.  He took the opportunity to say something in order to speak negatively about me or cause people to wonder why he did not want to come to my house. Consequently they made the rounds last night and they did not come to my house. 

This is the same man that I paid $1000 to have dental surgery performed on him and dentures made because he was covering his mouth when he smiled because he was embarrassed about his teeth.

These are the same people that I paid the balance of three hospital bills when they did not have the funds to pay them. These are the same people that their son could not register in the private school he attends for the upcoming year because they had a balance from the previous year and I paid off the balance, plus the tuition for the next year and for his books.

I have learned that it is not a good thing to have as many friends as possible, especially when you are buying friendship! They had the advantage over me from the very start of our relationship. I was a foreigner in their world. I had no family or friends and they immediately moved in and took advantage of the situation. I bought into their saying they wanted to “be family”. I now realize they do not get along that well with their own family, so maybe they do treat me like family. I have commented to my caregiver several times I would not waste my time with people like them in the United States and I did not understand why I was doing it here. Desperation for friends I suppose. But, believe me when I say quality is more important than quantity when it comes to friendships.

Relationships should be balanced. It's perfectly normal to ask for help from your friends from time to time. In fact, helping others is one of the best ways to increase your happiness and positivity after 50. But, that doesn't mean that it's your job to solve everyone else's problems.

I do not need friends that make me feel like they hang out with me because of what I can do for them and not what I mean to them? I said earlier I dread receiving calls from them because I know their contacts always come with a request. I do not need or want friends that any contact with them leads to drama.

I am sure cutting my ties with them will for the short term bring some negative emotions like anxiety, guilt, grief, but it will in the long term bring relief.  Do not do as I did and tolerate for eight years a relationship that does not make you feel good or contributes to your wellbeing. We all have the right not to engage in toxic relationships. Today I got a new telephone number and they will not get the number.

Today is the first day of a new beginning when it comes to them and me. I finally realize they only made me a lesser version of myself and I want to be all that I can be. Pray that I will listen to my brain and not my heart and give in and stay the course.

What about those little "white lies"?

In Catholic moral teaching, lying is the deliberate attempt to mislead someone by telling an untruth. The Catechism is quite clear how the Catholic Church views lying and the damage they believe deception causes.

Even though the Catholic Church opposes all types of deception most Catholics, like everyone else, routinely engage in “little white lies”. My mother had a problem with “little white lies” because she thought it was sometimes better than telling the truth in order to protect the feelings of others. 

I would often tell her a lie is lie and there is no exception for “white lies” because when you tell “white lies” your goal is to deceive.  She told me hundreds of times throughout the years it is better to say: “The meal was delicious!” – When it wasn’t. “The dress looks beautiful on you – When it did not. “Your perfume smells great – when the odor was foul. “I love your new hair style” – When it was horrible.  It was her way of not being confrontational and keeping peace.    

In recent years I have become faced with a personal dilemma about the sting operations used by those doing investigative reporting. Are those involved justified in lying about who they are and what they are doing to obtain what they perceive to be a better good?

I do not dispute the good that has come from some undercover sting operations, but do the results justify the means. Are pro- life groups justified in lying in order to discover the truth about Planned Parenthood? There have been debates among faithful Catholics on whether lying is ever justified in a good cause.

The Lord denounces lying as the work of the devil. The devil lied to Eve in the Garden of Eden— he convinced Eve to eat the fruit of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil by lying to her.  Is that story literally true or not? I do not know, but I know it teaches a moral lesson that is valuable in 2015. It demonstrates what God does not want us to do.

The Catechism says lying is always wrong. There are no “good lies” that are fundamentally different from “bad lies”; all lies share the same nature—to lead the person to whom the lie is being told away from the truth. The purpose of speech is to communicate known truth to others.

There are not degrees of sin in the eyes of God – sin is sin. I admit it is difficult for humans not to justify lying to save the life of an unborn child and it is difficult not to lie to prevent hurting someone’s feelings. But, let an elected politician lie to us we can find no way to justify his or her actions.

Christ instructed us that the devil is “the father of lies,” if we believe that then who is the father of abortion? It’s the same devil and the he doesn’t care if we sin with good intentions or bad intentions his only goal is to get us to sin.

Every “willful untruth” does harm to someone—it harms both yourself and the person you’re lying to.

Paragraph 2489 of the Catholic Catechism has been cited many times by those who want to “justified deception”.  It states no one is bound to reveal the truth to someone who does not have the right to know it.

Using that argument to justify lying can present us with problems. We can keep our mouths shut and say nothing by which we do not reveal the truth to those that have no need to know – not GOSSIP! But paragraph 2489 of the Catechism does not allow us to open our mouths and deliberately deceive another person by telling untruths. It appears how we apply paragraph 2489 makes a difference in determining right and wrong.

Some would argue that if you do not tell the truth as you know it and choose to remain silent that is as great a sin as lying to deceive others. I do not know about that. If you say, “I do not have an opinion one way or the other and you do that is a lie”, if you say I do not know when you do that is a lie”, so I suppose they are correct.  I guess the safest thing to do is say, “I would prefer not to get involved” or “I would prefer to keep my opinion to myself”.

Every decision leads to a new moral or immoral act – God has given us the free will to decide for ourselves.

Paragraph 2488 of the Catechism presents another dilemma it states, “The right to communicate the truth is not unconditional”. It states everyone must live in such a way that his or her life conforms to the Gospel teachings of fraternal love. This requires us to judge whether or not it is appropriate to reveal the truth to someone who asks for it.

What should we consider when revealing the truth: The good and safety of others, respect for privacy, the ‘why’ for our being silent about what should not be known and our use of a discreet language. Our duty to avoid scandal often commands strict discretion. We still must remember regardless of our motives deliberate deception is always a sin.

I confess I personally do not believe anyone is bound to reveal the truth to someone who does not have the right to know it. I have certainly used priestly privileges (not seal of confession) to avoid discussing issues about others or to tell someone I do not think it is my place to comment on that subject.

I also want to add I do not think any form of ‘gossip’ should be acceptable to a Christian. We should not participate in gossip or listen to gossip. A friend who is a habitual gossiper is reason enough to end a relationship.

 We always have options we can remain silent when asked certain questions; we can change the topic; we can excuse ourselves from the conversation. But we cannot lie. If you know Joe is a thief you cannot say “Joe is not a thief.” We can never confirm a known lie to be the truth.

A good lesson to keep in mind comes from paragraph 1789 of the catechism: “One may never do evil so that good may result from it”.

In closing I would like to say: a non-believer can be a liar or be a person that never lies. The moral issue of lying or not lying is not unique to Christians. I believe myself to be a person who fears the Lord, walks by faith and yet I would lie in a life-threatening situation in order to oppose evil. There are several stories in the Bible where this happened to faithful servants of God.

I cannot say it is ever biblical correct to lie, but I am willing to say it is possible. The Bible nowhere explicitly approves of lying and as a minister I struggled through the years about how to teach on lying and some other issues.

There are six things the Lord hates, seven that are an abomination to Him: “… haughty eyes, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that hurry to run to evil, a lying witness who testifies falsely, and one who sows discord in a family” - (Proverbs 6:16–19).

You have to decide the moral issue of white lies based on the circumstances at the time. But, whatever you do, do not foolishly listen to sermons on Sunday and fall victim to guilt because you assume the speaker telling you what to do is practicing the same in his or her personal life. They make daily moral decisions just like you do.