Adultery/Cheating is no joking matter

What can we expect of millennials when many of our politicians, celebrities, athletes, ministers, judges and police think adultery - cheating is just normal behavior.  You know ‘boys will be boys’; there are so many women and you (have) so short a time; if you are able to support all your illegitimate children that is all that matters; Who isn’t entitled to happiness; etc.  I bet there are 10,000 more reasons to attempt to justify adultery/cheating. 

The thing I really do not get is the double standard.  Men can cheat and women cannot.  A woman cheats and she is immoral.  A man cheats and he is a hailed a model of manhood.  Destroy the women for extra affairs and make jokes about the men doing the same thing.

I am one of those people who thinks adultery – cheating is not acceptable and should not be joked about.  One undersecretary even said, “President Duterte can make jokes about extramarital affairs of government officials, (a crime under Philippine law and grounds for suspension of government officials), since he himself is not married at the moment.”  He is not legally married, but he is supposed to be in a committed relationship, with a child by his partner. 

President Trump defends Bill O’Reilly and Roger Ailes of FOX news for his sexual remarks because he has done the very same thing.  The same thing is true of President Duterte you cannot condemn others when you are guilty of the same sin/crime.  I do not care what your position in society is cheating on relationships is wrong.  It is demeaning!   Yes, the priest that takes a vow of chastity and cheats on that vow is scum, so bishops stop acting so sanctimonious.  

How would you feel if your spouse cheated on you? Some of you may know this from experience, but I think we can all imagine it—it hurts! You've been betrayed and lied to and you feel angry, depressed, unworthy, second-rate, unwanted. You want to lash out at the same time you want to crawl inside yourself and hide. Your spouse chose to seek out intimacy of one sort or another with another person  - not you. I think that "sucks" and anyone that does it is an self-centered, pompous ass. 

Infidelity is very hurtful, and does real psychological, emotional, and spiritual damage to one's partner.  I may be a bit old fashion, but I think hurting people is wrong, period!  Be honest and admit the relationship is over and each go their own way, but do not lower yourself to become a sleaze ball.

Yes, we should forgive, but forgiveness should come with a stipulation that you at least TRY to stop doing the wrong you are doing.  Only a fool keeps forgiving the same wrong over and over without expectation of change. 

Justice Assistant Secretary Aimee Neri said, “Duterte, as mayor, would show his displeasure when he hears a policeman is cheating on their wife”.  I am sorry, but I am not smart enough to comprehend that remark.  The employer should abide by the rules he dictates to his or her employees.  A father should abide by the same rules he holds his children to.  A man should not ask more of his wife or partner than he is willing to give his wife or partner. 

“This is a world of hypocrisy. Who among you here does not have a mistress?” President Duterte said in a speech aired live on television one Tuesday night, adding it was “a non-issue”.  I have known many men and women that have been faithful to their partners.  Unfortunately, my father was not one of them and each time it destroyed a little of my mother.  I loved by father, I was respectful of my father, I appreciated the material things he provided us, but I did not RESPECT my father. 

Just as Presidents Trumps remarks do not speak well of American men, President Duterte's remarks do not speak well of Filipino men. 

Instead of the stand the Catholic Church is taking on President Duterte they should realize the necessity of divorce and stop standing in the way of the Philippines joining the 21^st century.  Stopping divorce is not going to stop adultery and for some weird reason I think adultery/cheating is worse than divorce.

I realize in most Western countries, adultery itself is no longer a criminal offense, but may still have legal consequences, particularly in divorce cases.  The fact that it may no longer be a crime does not mean it is not morally, spiritually and socially wrong.   Adultery almost always constitutes a ground for divorce and may be a factor in property settlement, the custody of children and the denial of alimony. 

 Adultery is illegal in approximately half the world including about half of the United States in which jail time and fines are imposed, at least in theory.  The laws are seldom enforced, but at least all of society has not lost their moral compass.  These sensible people may think adultery does not deserve jail time or fine, but that there is still something wrong and immoral about it.  It seems to me where adultery/cheating is acceptable other types of corruption are more acceptable.

 An elderly actor and lawmaker in the Philippines is remembered for siring at least 72 children by 16 different women, only one of whom was his wife. Thirty-eight of the children bear his surname.  His other achievements in life are not remembered or worth mentioning.  I see nothing honorable about his behavior.

It is almost comical the Philippines is now the only country in the world that denies divorce to the majority of its citizens; it is the last holdout among a group of staunchly Catholic countries where the church has fought hard to enforce its views on the sanctity of marriage. Pope Francis, who visited the Philippines, has urged his bishops to take a more forgiving stance toward divorced Catholics, but this is a moot point in the Philippines: There is no such thing as a divorced Catholic in the Philippines. 

The Catholic hierarchy takes particular pride in the country’s status as the last holdout on divorce.  Do they also take pride in the number of Filipinos who find themselves in an unhappy relationship and simply move on to the next one? The women, of course, are expected to deal with the children. “For these women, the survival mechanism is to find another guy to support her and her kid”.

In the Philippines only 30 to 40 percent of the urban poor now bother to get married in the first place.  Thanks to the Catholic Church.  Cultural traditions make wedding too expensive. You are expected to have a big celebration, and they simply can’t afford it and the realization that once you enter into a marriage there’s no getting out.

Thanks to the Catholic church’s opposition to divorce and its opposition to virtually every form of contraceptive it has created millions of “illegitimate” children. No one knows the number, but one study suggests that about 30 percent of births in the Philippines go unregistered, often because of the stigma of illegitimacy.

So please tell me how adultery/cheating has made the world a better place.  Please tell me how it is a joking matter.

Put down your rocks!

Many Protestants say that all sin is the same in the sight of God. Others, while they admit that some sins are worse than others, argue that all sins, if not forgiven, bring death to the soul. They imply that Catholics are soft on sin.

Protestants will quote, "The wages of sin is death" (Rom. 6:23), and "The soul that sins shall die" (Ezek. 18:4), but what about 1 John 5:17, "Not all sin is mortal." Jesus, John and Paul indicated that some sins are greater than others they knew that the Jews taught that sins committed intentionally were more serious.

John 19:11 - Jesus says before Pilate, "You would have no power over me unless it had been given you from above; therefore he who delivered me to you has the greater sin." Jesus must have recognized a greater and lesser degree of sin.

1 John 5:17 - “All wrongdoing is sin, but there is sin which is not mortal.”

Some Christians would say that sin is sin, and all are the same.  I do not think the Bible agrees with that. Any kind of unrepentant sin can send one to hell. But the Bible speaks of one kind of sin that God referred to by a different name: It was called an Abomination. The word “abominable” refers to something which is extremely despised. Therefore, there are some things which God hates extremely.

These are some things which are found in Proverbs 6:16-19 that are said to be abominable to the Lord.

  A Proud Look:  “Every one that is proud in heart is an abomination to the Lord “(Prov. 16:5). Pride is an attitude of arrogance, superiority, boastfulness. The wealthy often feel superior to the poor; the educated often feel superior to the uneducated; the strong often feel superior to the weak. The Pharisee displayed an attitude of arrogant superiority toward the publican, Luke 18:9-14. This attitude is still present today when some Christians act “holier-than-thou”.  A Christian must display humility. He or she needs to imitate the humility of Jesus Philippians 2:2-3 and not the superiority of the wicked. Do any of us really display humility all the time?

  2.      A Lying Tongue: “Lying lips are abomination to the Lord” (Prov. 12:22). People lie for different reasons. Some auto dealers lie to sell automobiles. Some politicians lie to win an election. Some preachers lie to gain wealth. Some people lie with the intent of keeping peace. But, the Bible states, there is no justification for one to lie to another.  ALL LIARS shall have their part in the lake of fire. Revelation 21:8.  Has any Christian not told a lie?

  3.     Hands That Shed Innocent Blood: “Shedding innocent blood” is a reference to murder. A physician, who is trained to save life and use their medical instruments to kill an innocent unborn baby as a means of birth control is an abomination to God and all those that participate in the procedure are likewise guilty of murder. Anyone who kills, or attempts to kill the righteous is an abomination to God, Deuteronomy 19:10; Isa 59:7, 8. Is an accident that takes a life when the party involved is under the influence of drugs or alcohol included in this? I think it is.

  4.     A Heart That Devises Wickedness: “The thoughts of the wicked are an abomination to the Lord,” Proverbs 15:26. Before wickedness is committed, it is planned and plotted. This would include robbery, pornographic movie or magazine, rape, seduction, cheating, fraud, gossip, etc. Have you really never planned anything that you knew would profit you, but would be a disadvantage to others?

        Feet That Are Swift in Running to Mischief: If you have ever done anything for pleasure while knowing that God would not approve this would apply to you. We should all remember to be swift to hear, but slow to speak, and slow to anger, but how many of us have always done that.

  6.     A False Witness: A false witness is a special kind of liar their lying assists in perverting justice. The false witness distorts the truth. Does it really have to be only in court that bearing false witness is an abomination to God? Most of us deal with dispensing some kind of justice every day, especially if you are a parent. When you remain silent and you know a wrong has been committed, when you support a friend and you know they have wronged another, when you cover up the wrongs of your children is that not also bearing false witness? I tend to believe we have all been bearers of false witness at some time in our lives.

  7.     He or She That Sows Discord: Those who disrupt the unity of God’s people are objects of God’s anger. The unity of God’s people is destroyed by gossips and carrying tales. “Where no wood is, there the fire goes out: so where there is no talebearer, the strife ceases. As coals are to burning coals, and wood to fire; so is a contentious man to kindle strife”, Proverb 26:20, 21. A whisperer separates chief friends, Proverb 16:28; 17:9. Wow! You are really a good person if you have never gossiped or repeated something to someone that you knew before you said it would not benefit the person you were carrying the tale on.

Who's the biggest sinner? WE HAVE ALL SINNED. We all need to put our stones down and stop acting like hypocrites. It is human nature to look upon the sins and faults of others, while often overlooking our own sins. James 2:10, “For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he or she is guilty of all.” This is a doctrine that is hardly touched upon in churches today.

 No Christian should claim to be less a sinner than others. There is no teaching in the Bible that says Christians are less sinful than unsaved people. Christians should never reject the sinner because of a perceived sin we think he or she has committed. We ought to love everybody with God's unconditional love, but many in the Christian Churches are rejecting others when it comes to our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters. I am tired of hearing them say we love the sinner, but not the sin and then close their doors on the sinner. Where do they expect them to go? If they are not welcome in their church then you should take responsibility for sending them to the gay bars.

 If we could ever hate the sin in ourselves as much as we hate the sin in others, we might have a better idea what the Bible is all about. I have no righteousness to offer God, and neither do you. People tend to judge themselves based upon the sins they personally DON'T commit. People who don't commit adultery are quick to condemn others who commit adultery, because that's not their sin. Some Christians who are not homosexual are quick to condemn homosexuals without taking a good look at themselves.

 “Two men went up into the temple to pray; the one a Pharisee, and the other a publican. The Pharisee stood and prayed thus with himself, God, I thank thee, that I am not as other men are, extortionist, unjust, adulterers, or even as this publican. I fast twice in the week; I give tithes of all that I possess. And the publican, standing afar off, would not lift up so much as his eyes unto heaven, but smote upon his breast, saying, God be merciful to me a sinner. I tell you, this man went down to his house justified rather than the other: for every one that exalted himself shall be abased; and he that humbled himself shall be exalted, “Luke 18:10-14.

We had all better think twice before we decide to throw rocks at other people who sin, denouncing them as evil, and taking delight in their troubles (HIV/AIDS). Our day of reckoning is also coming. So before you look down in disdain upon someone else who you think has sinned, you had better consider your own sins, because the Lord will judge us according to how we judge others.

Why do people expect more than they are willing to give?

I received an email from a woman that I have known for many years.  I would consider her and her husband friends.  I have not seen them since I moved to the Philippines, but we keep in touch.  I love them both equally. .I enjoyed their company and I respect them both. 

I was not shocked by her email as she expected me to be, because I saw each of their faults and I always thought they would eventually lead to serious problems.  I admit I thought the problems would have begun sooner than they did.

It is difficult to minister to close friends.  You try to do so without affecting your personal relationship and that is nearly impossible.  If the relationship is extremely important to you then you try to get your point across without really stating your point and that never works and that is exactly what I did. 

I regret it now, but I doubt if either would have appreciated or heeded my advice if I had been upfront back then.  I have thought many times over the years I had been wrong about their relationship because if they had made it this long they would make it to the end. 

She began her email by stating, “You will never believe what happen to us, but after forty years of marriage (X) has ask me for a divorce and has moved out.  Can you believe that?  I am willing to give him the divorce without putting up a fight, but I need to know why and he refuses to tell me.  At first I thought it was another woman or even a man, but I know now that is not the case.  He is in the process of purchasing a small house next door to our oldest daughter and her husband.  I know you must be as shocked as I am, but if you can help me figure this out I would appreciate it.  Love X” 

I replied, “Do you really want to know what I think or do you want me to just try and console you.  The choice is yours.  You know I love you both and it breaks my heart that this has happen, but truthfully I saw it coming many years ago.  Let me know what you want from me.”

She replied she wanted me to tell her what I honestly thought the problem was and not hold back.  She asks did I think he was going through a mid-life crisis.  She has spent a considerable amount of time trying to figure the problem out on her own and by asking others for help and no one has been honest with her.  I assume knowing them like I do they both have prayed about this matter daily. 

How do you tell one of your best friends that you cannot expect more out of a relationship than you put into it, but that is exactly what I had to do?  Of course at first she did not agree with me, but I think over several months she has come to see that much of the problem was her ambition.  To be frank her GREED! 

When I began to deal with her about the problem I ask her to advise me what she felt she had contributed to the relationship and to list at least ten items.  This is her list: 1. I worked at the same place of employment from before we were married until now and as you know I made more money than he did.  2. We were able to take very nice vacations every year from the additional money I brought home.  3.  We were able to send our daughters to the best universities and get them started in life because of my income.  4.  We were able to live in a very nice home in a very nice neighborhood with very nice furnishings due to my income.  5. We each had nice automobiles and were able to provide nice automobiles to the girls when they were living at home.  6. I did not cheat on him and cheating never crossed my mind, although I had many opportunities.  7. I attended football games, basketball games and baseball games with him and you know how I hate sports events.  8.  When he needed clothes I went and picked them out because he did not like to shop and he had bad taste in clothes.  9. I was a good wife and mother.  10. HE KNEW I loved him.

I ask her if she read what she emailed me.  Five of the ten had to do with the money she provided to the relationship.  There was nothing mentioned about meeting emotional needs. Relationships need more than money.

Number six was something any wife or husband is expected to do.  Number seven she stated she does not like sports and everyone knew that because she told everyone and never let him forget the sacrifices she made to attend the games.  Number eight I do not know if I believed it or not.  I tend to believe she did not let him shop for his own clothes because she is particular about her appearance and wanted him to look his best when with her.  I needed her to define number nine to me as to what she thought made a good mother and wife.  How did he know she loved him?  I never saw the two of them holding hands, I never heard an argument, but I never heard verbal expression of love or saw physical signs of love between the two of them.  I heard her say many times when people took offense to what she said to him,  “He knows I love him and only say things that are good for him,”

Before you say it is obvious that they would have problems think about your own relationships at home, work, school and church. Do you take them for granted.  Do you expect more than you give or do you take more than you give?

I have known many people who go to work daily and expect 100% of their pay and give their employer about 50% of their time.  Ask yourself does my employer pay me to carry on personal telephone conversations, look up personal items of interest on the Internet, go back and forth to the coffee maker and eat Bon-Bon’s throughout the day, pay my personal bills at work, listen to my co-workers problems or tell my co-worker my problems on my employers time.  I doubt they do, but a lot of people do it. We are not willing to give what we are even paid to give. 

My dad told me if you take pay for time you were not productive from your employer you rob them of what they are rightfully due.  If you think they do not pay you enough do not try to justify being a thief get another job. 

I am disgusted with men and women, especially men, who have affairs on the side.  I am even more disgusted when society approves of a man having more than one family, while living with his wife and legal family.  Men and women who have these affairs obviously expect more than they give and society by their silence gives a sign of approval. 

It is appalling to me that some people are given the best pews in the church when everyone knows they have a wife and two or three mistresses with children.  It does not make it right just because the man supports the wife and mistresses and all his children.  It is immoral and it certainly is not what God meant for married couples to do when they took their wedding vows and it certainly is not appropriate for a Catholic to do or for a Catholic society to accept as the norm. 

Now to address what my friend said about her never cheating on her husband as if that made her a GOOD wife and mother.  I am sure that is a contributing factor to being a good spouse, but I believe that is what God expects of any spouse and what society should expect of married couples.  When I questioned her about his fidelity she said she honestly believed he never considered being unfaithful to their wedding vows.  So by her standards he was a good husband.

What does the fact that she maintained the same employment for forty plus years and made more money than him have to do with being a good wife and mother?  The fact that she made more than him and she made sure everyone knew it probably contributed to the marriage ending. 

The man before he retired was a chemical engineer making a six figure income.  Did she work so they could have more or so she could have more?  Did she ever consider that her husband and daughters may have needed her time more than her money?  Which did she love more her job, money, title or family?  People can easily be blinded by greed and ambition and not even notice that their spouse has become mother and father to their children.  

She thought having to be out at night four or five times a week dining at expensive restaurants with clients was a big sacrifice for her.  I will admit that the money they made together did make it possible for them to have a housekeeper/cook and that is something few have in the United States.  He had meals prepared every day, but ate alone four or five times a week after the daughters left home.  It seems to me that he made the sacrifices not her.

How do people know you love them if you do not express it with words and deeds?  My dad was a good provider, but a failure in expressing his love to my mother and his children.  It was only two years before he died that he began to realize the importance of expressing his love.  I am thankful for the two years, but honestly to this day I still feel it was given too late in his life. I feel cheated!

I do not believe anyone should remain in a relationship where they have to assume they are loved.  I can recall my mother saying many time, “Your daddy loves you he just does not know how to show it.”  She did not understand that was his problem not ours.  Her remaining silent in order to keep a false sense of peace in the family did not contribute to solving the problem it only made the problem worse and last longer.

Everyone has a responsibility to feed what is feeding them.  I am not talking only about physically feeding; I am also talking about emotionally feeding. 

I have been given many rewards during my life for achievements, etc. but the biggest reward I have ever been given was to be able to take care of my mother the last 18 years of her life. I was able to show her that I appreciated her feeding me, washing me, dressing me, teaching me, protecting me and cleaning up my pee and the other when I could not do those things for myself.  I was not always able to do those things for her personally, but I could see that they were done when I could not.  I can tell you with all sincerity nothing I have done in my life has made me happier than knowing I cared for my mother until the end.  I believe God has blessed me for that more than anything else I have ever accomplished.

A black man at a carwash once told me, “Father you will always be blessed for the way you take care of Ms Reiddie.”  He was a very wise man.

Over the years I have watched people attend church Sunday after Sunday and be fed and never consider feeding the church that fed them spiritually and emotionally.  They never felt they had any responsibility to feed the church.  It is not just a responsibility it is an obligation that God gave us. 

If the man or woman of God is willing to work hard preparing a sermon to feed you every Sunday you owe it to God to feed the him or her and the church.

Do you go to the movie, walk in and out and not pay.  No you do not.  You expect to pay so the theater can continue to operate.  Then please tell me why you have different expectations for the church.  I guess it is because you know you would be arrested for not paying for services rendered anywhere except at the church.  Everything in life revolves around being responsible and at least giving as much as you receive.

Giving and receiving is a cycle that God established when He created the earth.  A farmer does not expect food from the ground, unless he or she plants seeds.  You do not expect a plant in your home to grow unless you feed it water and sunlight.  You do not expect a baby to be born healthy unless you feed it properly in the womb.  You do not expect your vehicle to run unless you feed it fuel.  Then why do you expect love to grow when you do not give love, respect to grow when you do not give respect, loyalty to grow when you do not give loyalty, protection to grow when you do not give protection, friendship to grow when you do not give friendship, etc.

You should have high expectation from all your relationships because you should be willing to give more than is expected to maintain and grow those relationships.

In closing, I want to say something that has bothered me for some time.  I wish people would stop complaining about the relationship they have with their children and the younger generation.  We are as guilty as they are if they are not responsible.  Have you ever stopped to think if we have given them the time we should have.  Have we been excellent role models of how to foster good relationships?

If we give more than we expect we usually get more than we expect and if we do not maybe we should consider getting out of the relationship as my friend did.