Adultery/Cheating is no joking matter

What can we expect of millennials when many of our politicians, celebrities, athletes, ministers, judges and police think adultery - cheating is just normal behavior.  You know ‘boys will be boys’; there are so many women and you (have) so short a time; if you are able to support all your illegitimate children that is all that matters; Who isn’t entitled to happiness; etc.  I bet there are 10,000 more reasons to attempt to justify adultery/cheating. 

The thing I really do not get is the double standard.  Men can cheat and women cannot.  A woman cheats and she is immoral.  A man cheats and he is a hailed a model of manhood.  Destroy the women for extra affairs and make jokes about the men doing the same thing.

I am one of those people who thinks adultery – cheating is not acceptable and should not be joked about.  One undersecretary even said, “President Duterte can make jokes about extramarital affairs of government officials, (a crime under Philippine law and grounds for suspension of government officials), since he himself is not married at the moment.”  He is not legally married, but he is supposed to be in a committed relationship, with a child by his partner. 

President Trump defends Bill O’Reilly and Roger Ailes of FOX news for his sexual remarks because he has done the very same thing.  The same thing is true of President Duterte you cannot condemn others when you are guilty of the same sin/crime.  I do not care what your position in society is cheating on relationships is wrong.  It is demeaning!   Yes, the priest that takes a vow of chastity and cheats on that vow is scum, so bishops stop acting so sanctimonious.  

How would you feel if your spouse cheated on you? Some of you may know this from experience, but I think we can all imagine it—it hurts! You've been betrayed and lied to and you feel angry, depressed, unworthy, second-rate, unwanted. You want to lash out at the same time you want to crawl inside yourself and hide. Your spouse chose to seek out intimacy of one sort or another with another person  - not you. I think that "sucks" and anyone that does it is an self-centered, pompous ass. 

Infidelity is very hurtful, and does real psychological, emotional, and spiritual damage to one's partner.  I may be a bit old fashion, but I think hurting people is wrong, period!  Be honest and admit the relationship is over and each go their own way, but do not lower yourself to become a sleaze ball.

Yes, we should forgive, but forgiveness should come with a stipulation that you at least TRY to stop doing the wrong you are doing.  Only a fool keeps forgiving the same wrong over and over without expectation of change. 

Justice Assistant Secretary Aimee Neri said, “Duterte, as mayor, would show his displeasure when he hears a policeman is cheating on their wife”.  I am sorry, but I am not smart enough to comprehend that remark.  The employer should abide by the rules he dictates to his or her employees.  A father should abide by the same rules he holds his children to.  A man should not ask more of his wife or partner than he is willing to give his wife or partner. 

“This is a world of hypocrisy. Who among you here does not have a mistress?” President Duterte said in a speech aired live on television one Tuesday night, adding it was “a non-issue”.  I have known many men and women that have been faithful to their partners.  Unfortunately, my father was not one of them and each time it destroyed a little of my mother.  I loved by father, I was respectful of my father, I appreciated the material things he provided us, but I did not RESPECT my father. 

Just as Presidents Trumps remarks do not speak well of American men, President Duterte's remarks do not speak well of Filipino men. 

Instead of the stand the Catholic Church is taking on President Duterte they should realize the necessity of divorce and stop standing in the way of the Philippines joining the 21^st century.  Stopping divorce is not going to stop adultery and for some weird reason I think adultery/cheating is worse than divorce.

I realize in most Western countries, adultery itself is no longer a criminal offense, but may still have legal consequences, particularly in divorce cases.  The fact that it may no longer be a crime does not mean it is not morally, spiritually and socially wrong.   Adultery almost always constitutes a ground for divorce and may be a factor in property settlement, the custody of children and the denial of alimony. 

 Adultery is illegal in approximately half the world including about half of the United States in which jail time and fines are imposed, at least in theory.  The laws are seldom enforced, but at least all of society has not lost their moral compass.  These sensible people may think adultery does not deserve jail time or fine, but that there is still something wrong and immoral about it.  It seems to me where adultery/cheating is acceptable other types of corruption are more acceptable.

 An elderly actor and lawmaker in the Philippines is remembered for siring at least 72 children by 16 different women, only one of whom was his wife. Thirty-eight of the children bear his surname.  His other achievements in life are not remembered or worth mentioning.  I see nothing honorable about his behavior.

It is almost comical the Philippines is now the only country in the world that denies divorce to the majority of its citizens; it is the last holdout among a group of staunchly Catholic countries where the church has fought hard to enforce its views on the sanctity of marriage. Pope Francis, who visited the Philippines, has urged his bishops to take a more forgiving stance toward divorced Catholics, but this is a moot point in the Philippines: There is no such thing as a divorced Catholic in the Philippines. 

The Catholic hierarchy takes particular pride in the country’s status as the last holdout on divorce.  Do they also take pride in the number of Filipinos who find themselves in an unhappy relationship and simply move on to the next one? The women, of course, are expected to deal with the children. “For these women, the survival mechanism is to find another guy to support her and her kid”.

In the Philippines only 30 to 40 percent of the urban poor now bother to get married in the first place.  Thanks to the Catholic Church.  Cultural traditions make wedding too expensive. You are expected to have a big celebration, and they simply can’t afford it and the realization that once you enter into a marriage there’s no getting out.

Thanks to the Catholic church’s opposition to divorce and its opposition to virtually every form of contraceptive it has created millions of “illegitimate” children. No one knows the number, but one study suggests that about 30 percent of births in the Philippines go unregistered, often because of the stigma of illegitimacy.

So please tell me how adultery/cheating has made the world a better place.  Please tell me how it is a joking matter.

Think for yourself!

“Take the risk of thinking for yourself , much more happiness , truth, beauty, and wisdom will come to you that way ..” Christopher Hitchens

I do not understand why people today (worldwide) allow celebrities to dictate or even influence what they should believe, do, eat, wear and even who they should vote for. 

It was obvious the influence celebrities TRIED to have on the 2016 elections in the United States.  A lot of people allowed celebrities to influence their vote.  If you are a celebrity in the Philippines it is almost a guarantee you can win any political position you seek.  Your fame will outweigh your  need for the right qualifications nearly every time.

If any of you is lacking in wisdom, ask a celebrity, who gives to all generously and ungrudgingly their opinions on life, and they are more than happy to give it to you freely.  I say this sarcastically.

I know I may seem a bit weird or a lot weird to some, but what celebrities think or say have never made me feel happy, content, hopeful, encouraged, or confident.  No I do not know the name of the MOVIE STAR in the latest movies I have seen and do not care to know.  All I care is did I like the movie or not. 

I do not care what these people think, none of whom I know personally, and all of whom live in a world that is so far out of my reach that we have remarkably little in common. If I and one of their domestic staff met in church or any public place I  would have more in common with their staff member than I would the celebrity.

The same is true of CELEBRITY preachers today.  I am not impressed or focusing  on the prophets and teachers and evangelists that millions of Christians come to follow, and worship, as being wiser, more righteous, and blessed than the rest of us.  I have actually have had people tell me, “They’re rich and well-known so that must be a sure sign of God’s favor.”  No, they just  have a charismatic personality and would be good at selling anything and they would make good con artist.  It could have come from the devil or God.  I have always believed this, but recently when Bishop Jake of Potter House in Dallas, Texas said in an interview that “SELLING Jesus is not all that difficult because it is a GOOD PRODUCT and when presented correctly it will SELL ITSELF.”  I take that to mean hurting and desperate people will fall for a line of hope every time if you are charismatic and have sales abilities.

When the Great Christians Leaders give their opinions on homosexuality, people listen, nod their heads, and say, “Prophet Pulpit said it, so it must be right.” When they promote boycotting a store, the believers do it because their Prophet Pulpit is always right.  After all who am I to question Prophet's? When sensible preachers meet with ecumenical leaders to share in a prayer service, some Christians wring their hands, wondering, “Why do they  do this? Pastor Pulpit said it was wrong. Do they not know that Catholics and Evangelical Protestants differ on fundamental issues? and that Jewish people and Christians differ on a REALLY major issue?

The followers of celebrity Christians do not have enough faith in God or confidence in himself to seek wisdom, considering themselves spiritually unqualified to process the tough issues facing people who live in the world today, after all that is what they have been told from the pulpit by these celebrity preachers.  They think if they do not listen to the celebrity preachers and priest they only have mass-media to give them direction in the 21st century.   What about the HOLY SPIRIT, PRAYER, the brain God gave them and their own personal experiences.

God did not call us to be robots of celebrities.   The world is filled, and has always been filled, and will always be filled with difficult issues — difficult because they involve people — and no smart little saying on television, Tweet, or email from any CELEBRITY is going to solve the world’s problems and we certainly should not allow them to think for us.  Some allow others to think for them because they are lazy and it is the easy way to avoid responsibilities.  Simply put not everyone wants to be wise. We actually have to work at becoming wise.

People need wisdom, and wisdom — unlike money, power, celebrity status, and fame is not out of reach of ordinary people. Wisdom is available for the asking, if we only would ask.  You do not have to be a genius to have wisdom.  I know lots of people with extremely high I.Q.’s that lack in wisdom (common sense) and others with little to no formal education that are VERY wise.  Wisdom and understanding are not something you purchase with tuition and class fees, it is a daily, lifelong process of growth.

I have a friend that constantly puts himself down because he looks for the possible negatives in relationships, decisions in general and especially business deals.  I think that is wise.  It means to me he is dealing with reality.  It does not mean he is ignoring the positives, it is only means he is trying to prepare or prevent the negatives.  Being a “happy go lucky” person is not wisdom.  Wisdom means being able to bear the good and the bad in mind simultaneously.

Proverbs 3:13 says, "Happy is the man (or woman) who finds wisdom and the man (or woman) who gets understanding." Proverbs 24:13–14 says, "My son (daughter), eat honey, for it is good, and the drippings of the honeycomb are sweet to your taste. Know that wisdom is such to your soul; if you find it, there will be a future, and your hope will not be cut off." Proverbs 16:16, "To get wisdom is better than gold; to get understanding is to be chosen over silver." It is a matter of life and death.  The ultimate, eternal happiness that all people long for will only be found by those who first "get wisdom."

Wise people do not let others do their thinking and make their decision.  They listen to all advice and then seek guidance from the Holy Spirit and make their own decision.  

Marriage Annulment is not even scriptural!

 Some of my Filipino friends are having problems dealing with what they perceive as unnecessary changes in the Catholic Church of course I think changes are way over due and not even enough changes have been proposed yet.

The issue that seems to be bothering them the most at the moment is divorced and remarried people taking Communion. This change is long overdue and it was never a Biblical teaching in the first place.

I am sure most Christians know the story of Jesus and the Samaritan woman at the well. The woman had been divorced five times and was living with her boyfriend when Jesus met her. I have heard Christians say she was a terrible woman because she was divorced five times, but keep in mind she did not divorce anyone five of her previous husbands divorced her.

Women at the time could not divorce their husbands, but men could divorce their wife’s and send them back to their families or out on the street for little or no cause. Also keep in mind there was no division of property or alimony. Most divorced women that could not return to their families became prostitutes for few could find men that would marry them. The fact she found four more men willing to marry her tells me that there was something special about her.

Jesus forgave her and restored her into full relationship with God – Jesus did not send her to the Temple Marriage Tribunal for them to decide her case and then restore her to full relationship with God. Jesus simply showed mercy, forgave and she moved forward with her life and relationship with God. I believe from that moment on she had a powerful testimony that allowed her to be a witness for Christ and she probably brought many to Christ.

There were no man made loops to jump through just grace given!

Communion does not belong to the Catholic Church. The Catholic Church did not institute Communion Christ did. Who are they to say who can or cannot participate in CHRIST’S Communion? 

How many have left the Church and lost faith in God because of a stupid man made rule. A rule instituted to demonstrate hierarchical power over the people. 

How many people do the Church allow to take Communion at every Mass that have far greater sins than a failed marriages and remarriages – lets see child molesting priest – men fathering several families (not uncommon in the Philippines) – rapist – priest with children -  plundering politicians and the list goes on.

I do not know about you, but the way Christ dealt with the Samaritan woman at the well tells me Marriage Tribunals and Marriage Annulments are not of God!

  

Do you feel the Catholic Church has failed you?

I have reached a point where I can no longer justify the actions of the hierarchy of the Catholic Church. I have not had anything done to me personally, but I have witnessed for years how the hierarchy’s thirst to hold on to power and control has hurt and even destroyed others. I have managed to continue to attend Sunday after Sunday by telling myself the church is not at fault it is the hierarchy of the church that is at fault.

I thought Pope John Paul I would bring change, but his death came too quickly. I thought Pope John Paul II would bring about change, but he caved to the misguided Cardinals. I knew when Pope Benedict XVI came to power all hope for change was lost.  I still cling to hope that Pope Francis can bring about change, but I do not think I will live to see it due to my bad health.

I realize the church is governed by men who are not perfect. Anyone who expects them to be flawless is not logical. I can deal with not personally agreeing with some of the decisions they make, but when I see people being hurt by their decision it is difficult for me to deal with that.

For years I have ask God Do I leave or do I stick it out and continue to hope for change? There are many denominations that I could attend like Methodist, Lutheran, Episcopalian or Presbyterian, but I love the Mass. No other denomination could replace the Mass for me.

 “And I tell you, you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it.” Matt. 16:18.

No matter the issue of hurt, harm or anguish, Jesus is the head of the church, not the pope, not the cardinals, not the bishops and that will never change.  Unfortunately, many in the hierarchy of the church have come to believe it is their church, they are in charge, they make the rules and the rest of us must follow without questioning them.

“So shall my word be that goes out from my mouth; it shall not return to me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose, and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it.” Isaiah 55:11.

“If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more the heavenly Father will give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him.” Luke 11:13.

When in doubt I go the Bible and the Holy Spirit for guidance. If the words of the hierarchy do not line up with the Bible and the direction the Holy Spirit leads me I ignore their words.

The Holy Spirit does not just speak to the hierarchy of the church He speaks to us to. When we are living in close relationship with God, the close proximity of our heart to His allows us the privilege of hearing as He speaks to us with peace in our decision-making processes.  If you are walking with God and do not feel peace about a situation then something is wrong for our God is not the author of confusion. (I Cor. 14:33). There is a reason the Holy Spirit is not giving you peace and this should guide your decisions in all situations, including church situations.

There was a time when it bothered me to hear a Christians say, ‘The church has failed me’.  I now think differently because if you are Catholic you have no say in the decisions of the church. If you are Protestant you do. Protestants have a say in making the church what it should be, but Catholics do not.  If you risk speaking out in the Catholic Church you risk being excommunicated. There is no democracy within the Catholic Church and the hierarchy of the Catholic Church would be the first to admit that. The hierarchy has unquestionable authority. The priests cannot even question their authority.

Do you honestly believe all Catholic laity and Catholic priests believe artificial birth control is a sin? Do you honestly believe all Catholic laity and Catholic priests believe divorced and remarried people should be denied Communion? Do you honestly believe all Catholic laity and Catholic priests believe divorce should not be allowed? Do you honestly believe all Catholic laity and Catholic priests believe you can pray the dead into heaven? Do you honestly believe all Catholic laity and priests believe the same on the issue of homosexuality? Do you honestly believe all Catholic priests were for the bishops covering up pedophilia by other priests?  I know they do not and did not! Many priests reported child abuse to their bishops and it fail on deaf ears.

The church hierarchy is not infallible; neither are the pastors. What do you do as a Catholic when you are assigned a pastor by the bishop that is lazy, arrogant, and stubborn, has a bad attitude, and never prepares a homily? You do nothing because you have no say on who your pastor will be or who the assistants will be. You pray you can tolerate him for six years. If you are Protestant you take it up with the Board or Elders.

For decades and decades and decades we sat silently suspecting something might be odd with our priest, but we never uttered a word that he might be molesting children. When some began to speak out they were not only attack by the hierarchy of the church they were attacked by some priests and some of the laity.  We had been trained well. Catholics never speak in a negative way about their priest. To speak against the priest or the hierarchy is to speak evil of the Catholic Church. I would venture to say some feel it is speaking evil against God.

I am all for having people of authority in the church, but I am not for those people abusing that authority. All organizations need authority figures, especially the church.

There was a time in history when absolute control may have been justified, but not today.  Any curious challenge or genuine question about Scripture, teachings traditions or doctrines is seen by the hierarchy as a direct attack on church leadership. I know people who have been branded as spiritually rebellious for questioning something they've been told rather than silently accepting it without question.

I feel like the hierarchy of the church is preoccupied with maintaining its position of authority in a changing society rather than seriously challenging itself. It appears to me the hierarchy would prefer the church to be an outdated museum than a relevant part of modern society. It refuses to make any changes to adapt to modern society. The attitude seems to be if it worked in 300A.D. it should work today and if it does not then something is wrong with you. The Church hierarchy has allowed the church to become out of touch and ineffective. It has become steeped in hypocrisy and complacency.

“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9).

This is speaking of confessing our sins to God not man.  There was a time when only the bishops could forgive abortion and allow you to take Communion again. Now the bishop can allow the priest under him to forgive abortion and permit you to take Communion again.  This is a change and a good change, but whose Communion is it, the bishops, the priest or Gods? Why does a woman have to tell her bishop or priest about the abortion if she has confessed it to God, repented and sought forgiveness. It seems to me the change did not go far enough, but we do not have the right to question if the change went far enough or not.

“…for he that eateth and drinketh unworthily, eateth and drinketh damnation to himself (herself).” 1 Corinthians 11:29.

This scripture does not say he that gives the Communion brings damnation to himself. It says the one taking the Communion unworthy brings damnation to himself. Should the worthiness to partake in Communion be between God and the Communicant or the hierarchy/priest of the church and the Communicant? Should anyone have the right to deny another Christian the right to take Communion? None of us hierarchy/priest/laity are really worthy.  How can my divorced friends and homosexual friends feel a part of the church when they are judged by the church every Sunday?

Don’t tell me we cannot change we no longer own slaves, we no longer kill our children that talk back to us, we no longer require women to remain silent, we no longer consider women property of men, we no longer require women to cover their heads in church, we allow women to do the 1st and 2nd readings and we are now allowed to attend weddings and funerals at churches of other denominations. This is just a few of the unjust and silly cultural/traditions that we have done away with.

My closing words to the hierarchy/priest/pious laity is take the 2x4 out of your eye before you try to take the splinter out of your brother’s or sister’s eye. Then maybe we can become the church God called us to be.

Catholic Hierarchy - Double Talk.

 The Catholic Bishops’ Conference of the Philippines (CBCP) on Tuesday urged voters not to support candidates in the 2016 elections who are pushing for divorce, death penalty and other measures that it said are against the Church's doctrines.

CBCP President Archbishop Socrates Villegas issued some guidelines for Catholic voters to follow in choosing their candidates in 2016. According to Villegas, a Catholic voter should not support a candidate "who’s legislative or executive programs include initiatives diametrically opposed to (Catholic) Church moral teachings on such vital issues as abortion, euthanasia, the return of the death penalty, divorce and the dilution of the character of Christian marriage," even if the candidate is honest, qualified and the best candidate. We all know there are NO Catholics in the Philippines that are violating their marriage vows taking Communion every Sunday in the Philippines. 

"While we expect every public officer to give life to the constitutional posture of 'benevolent neutrality' in respect to the attitude of the State towards religion, the Catholic voter cannot and should not lend his support to any candidate whose ideology binds him or her to make of the Philippines a secular state that has no tolerance for religion in its public life," Villegas said.

"It has never been the practice of the Catholic Church to hold out a candidate to the faithful as the 'chosen' candidate of the Church," he said. "Church doctrine has remained consistent: Partisanship is an arena into which the Church should not venture."

Villegas also urged the voters to consider political aspirants from other religions. "A Catholic is not closed to the candidacy of a non-Catholic," he said. "In fact, there are worthy candidates from other Christian communities and other religions." "Their qualifications and aspirations must be given serious heed by our Catholic voters, their truly helpful plans and visions must be supported,” Villegas said. As long as they uphold Catholic teachings!

There are an estimated 75,594,148 Catholics in the Philippines according to the latest statistics. The population of the Philippines was estimated at 100,096,496 as of July 1, 2014. The total registered voters in the Philippines as of January 22, 2013 were 52,014,648. Roughly 75% plus (85%) Filipinos are Catholic. That is enough to control any election if 75% (85%) of registered voters are Catholic. I know it is said that Catholics tend not to block vote. But, any time the hierarchy of the Catholic Church speaks out about an election it has to have some influence on the election and to pretend they do not try to choose candidates in my opinion is not entirely honest.

The Philippines is the only country in the world, aside from Vatican City, which lacks divorce laws. How could anyone deny that is not due to the influence of the Catholic Church hierarchy in the Philippines? The Catholic Church does get involved in the political arena in the Philippines the recent battle over artificial birth control is evidence of that. They have a strong influence over any and all laws passed in the Philippines. To my knowledge the only time they have lost a political battle was the one over artificial birth control.

UPDATE: THE BISHOPS LOST THE WAR, BUT WON THE BATTLE THEY MANAGE TO GET THE PHILIPPINE CONGRESS NOT TO FUND THE REPRODUCTIVE BILL IN THE 2016 BUDGET - FOR ALL PRACTICAL PURPOSE NO FUNDS MEANS NO REPRODUCTIVE BILL. 

Any non-Catholic candidate would need to adhere to Catholic doctrine, even if his or her denomination or religion did not support Catholic doctrine, if they wanted the support of the Catholic hierarchy. In other words a non-Catholic candidate might have to go against his or her religious beliefs to satisfy the Catholic hierarchy of the Philippines in order to be elected. Most mainstream Protestant denominations support divorce and artificial birth control.  Many Protestant denominations are not opposed to the death penalty.

I cannot reconcile in my mind how the Catholic hierarchy can maintain they do not demonstrate some partisanship when they dictate what a candidate must believe or support in order to get the Catholic vote.

For a country to have tolerance for  religion in its public life is one thing, but to dictate religious doctrine in public life is quite another. Is the Philippines a secular state where freedom of religion is allowed or is it a religious run state?

While the Philippine law does not permit divorce it does permit Legal separation which allows a couple to live apart and separate their assets, but they are not free to marry again. In fact, they face being charged with adultery if caught with another partner. I wonder how many Filipinos are forced to violate the law because of the Catholic hierarchy’s position on divorce.

Banning divorce in my opinion has not stopped couples from separating and starting new families. Banning divorce appears to me to have contributed to illegitimate births which may cause inheritance problems and certainly could cause emotional stigma for a child.  I have absolutely no problem with Catholic hierarchy requiring Catholics to follow their doctrine, but to attempt to impose their religious beliefs on non-Catholics is unjust to me. 

I have heard obtaining a civil and church annulment can take up to four years and $4000. That would likely be more than a years’ worth of income for the average mall worker. I wonder when forced to choose are they going to choose annulment or to ignore the law. In addition a married couple must have lived separately for five years or had a legal separation for two years before an annulment can be granted.

In 2012 there were only 10,528 people who applied for annulments in the Philippines. There were 476,408 marriages registered in 2011. I find it impossible to believe that only a little over 2% of the marriage ended. It is estimated 40 to 50% of marriages end in divorce/separation in First World countries and I do not believe that number would be much different in any country.

Could it be possible that divorce laws may make couples think twice before walking out on their marriages? Statistics show that the divorce rate in the U.S. in 1981 was 5.3 per 1000 people and in 2012 it had fallen to 3.6 per 1000 people.

The Catholic hierarchy in the Philippines does get involved in politics and governance in the Philippines. When the clergy called for civil unrest and even threatened to excommunicate President Aquino over contraception how can they say they do not. There is no proof that Catholic doctrine pertaining to separation and artificial birth control is even being followed by Catholics and to attempt to impose that on non-Catholics is unjust. 

I would not be surprised if sometime prior to the 2016 election there is a list floating around with the names of candidate that the Catholic hierarchy is supporting.  Of course the Catholic hierarchy will deny having anything to do with it like they did the banner flying from a Catholic church in one of the previous elections.

Is it just for religious leaders in a country that is supposed to have a democratic form of government to use threats of excommunication against any elected official, elected to represent ALL the people, in order to get what they want? 

The Church’s influence in the Philippines is diminishing. The power of social media is taking its toll. It might help the country if they put their devout Catholic past behind them and move toward a more secular state. Politics needs to go beyond religious groups and be more concerned with the needs of all the people regardless of religious affiliation. But, keep in mind no group gives up power without a fight and the Catholic hierarchy will not either.

Protestant denominations are growing in the Philippines and other predominantly Catholic nations like Mexico. How much of that growth could be contributed to the Catholic hierarchy’s desire for influence and control in the political arena. 

2015 Vatican Synod on Family Life

The bishops’ synod wrapped up its business in Rome last weekend what are they all afraid of?

The Final Report made no explicit mention of a path to communion for the divorced and remarried, much less sanctioning “artificial” contraception or living out of wedlock. Same-sex relationships got thumbs down.

Pope Francis took the tiny opening that last year’s synod gave to annulment reform and pushed through new canon law. Who knows what he’ll do with the openings he’s been given now? Are they afraid of what Pope Francis may do in the future or are they afraid that Pope Francis might decide to act on his irritation with conservatives?

If the results of this synod had been under Pope John Paul II it would have raised little concern. The cardinals were not suspicious of Pope John Paul and believed he would not go against anything the Cardinals wanted, but with Pope Francis he is his own man.

The majority of the cardinals would like to see the issue of divorce-remarry-communion remain as the rules were written in the Fourth Century. Eastern Orthodoxy permits sacramental remarriages. The cardinals leading the Roman Catholic Church have yet to realize that some valid marriages sometimes have to be ended by divorce. They prefer Catholics who get divorced apply to them for an annulment and they decide who will be or will not be granted one. They prefer the children of divorced Catholics to be declared illegitimate by the Catholic Church because they were born to a marriage that never existed in the eyes of the Church, that seems harsh to me.  Perhaps I might consider the stand the Catholic leadership takes on divorce for second marriages.

I believe that the marriage-divorce-annulment-remarriage issue is as it is today because, as in many things in our church, the cardinals take the stand that’s the way it has always been and that is the way it will stay. Tradition takes presentence over what is reality, practical and obtainable for today’s Christians.  It would be different if Catholics were adhering to these archaic traditions, but they are not.

The Catholic cardinals did pave the way for greater openness towards divorcees. Cardinals agreed divorcees must be “more integrated in Christian communities”. The cardinals decided to allow the local clergy to decide whether to allow divorcees to participate fully in church life. What was once left to the bishops and ultimately Rome is now in the hands of the local pastors as it should be. I will be more comfortable with this decision when it is formulate and put in writing.

While bishops have spoken, it is up to the pope to decide the next move. Beyond the synod vote, he will face tough opposition in any attempt to change archaic church rules, but the upcoming jubilee year of mercy could serve as an opportunity to table new plans for Catholic Family Life.

Pope Francis on Sunday at the end of the synod appeared to lecture church elders, suggesting they should not be quick to exclude a broad array of people deserving of God’s grace. The pope implied the men of the church needed to be more aware of the needs of the people and take action instead of turning a blind eye and trying not to become involved.

While subjects were addressed that previous popes and synods would have never discussed the opposition in the synod to rapid changes in rules also suggested how far off Catholics may be from seeing Francis’s revolutionary style turned into practice.

Now the media will start debating who won the debate the pope, the conservatives or the liberals.  If anyone won it was the pope for in the end he has the final say. Doors were open for him to make changes.  Changes may take years and he may not live to see them, but at least the ball for change is now rolling and I do not think it can be stopped. The laity today is too intelligent and has access to more knowledge than in the past and will no longer be pushed around and accept doctrine they consider is without merit.  

I think it was a tie and no one won as far as the conservative and reformers go. The conservative were able to prevent changes or slow changes that they adamantly did not want and the liberals or reformers got the debate started on changes they did want and I believe that debate will continue.

I think the Pope was the real winner over all for he made it clear following the synod that he is tired of the Bishops not following his instructions and not practicing what they are teaching.  This is probably why many of them left Rome a bit shaken and frighten.

Why do people expect more than they are willing to give?

I received an email from a woman that I have known for many years.  I would consider her and her husband friends.  I have not seen them since I moved to the Philippines, but we keep in touch.  I love them both equally. .I enjoyed their company and I respect them both. 

I was not shocked by her email as she expected me to be, because I saw each of their faults and I always thought they would eventually lead to serious problems.  I admit I thought the problems would have begun sooner than they did.

It is difficult to minister to close friends.  You try to do so without affecting your personal relationship and that is nearly impossible.  If the relationship is extremely important to you then you try to get your point across without really stating your point and that never works and that is exactly what I did. 

I regret it now, but I doubt if either would have appreciated or heeded my advice if I had been upfront back then.  I have thought many times over the years I had been wrong about their relationship because if they had made it this long they would make it to the end. 

She began her email by stating, “You will never believe what happen to us, but after forty years of marriage (X) has ask me for a divorce and has moved out.  Can you believe that?  I am willing to give him the divorce without putting up a fight, but I need to know why and he refuses to tell me.  At first I thought it was another woman or even a man, but I know now that is not the case.  He is in the process of purchasing a small house next door to our oldest daughter and her husband.  I know you must be as shocked as I am, but if you can help me figure this out I would appreciate it.  Love X” 

I replied, “Do you really want to know what I think or do you want me to just try and console you.  The choice is yours.  You know I love you both and it breaks my heart that this has happen, but truthfully I saw it coming many years ago.  Let me know what you want from me.”

She replied she wanted me to tell her what I honestly thought the problem was and not hold back.  She asks did I think he was going through a mid-life crisis.  She has spent a considerable amount of time trying to figure the problem out on her own and by asking others for help and no one has been honest with her.  I assume knowing them like I do they both have prayed about this matter daily. 

How do you tell one of your best friends that you cannot expect more out of a relationship than you put into it, but that is exactly what I had to do?  Of course at first she did not agree with me, but I think over several months she has come to see that much of the problem was her ambition.  To be frank her GREED! 

When I began to deal with her about the problem I ask her to advise me what she felt she had contributed to the relationship and to list at least ten items.  This is her list: 1. I worked at the same place of employment from before we were married until now and as you know I made more money than he did.  2. We were able to take very nice vacations every year from the additional money I brought home.  3.  We were able to send our daughters to the best universities and get them started in life because of my income.  4.  We were able to live in a very nice home in a very nice neighborhood with very nice furnishings due to my income.  5. We each had nice automobiles and were able to provide nice automobiles to the girls when they were living at home.  6. I did not cheat on him and cheating never crossed my mind, although I had many opportunities.  7. I attended football games, basketball games and baseball games with him and you know how I hate sports events.  8.  When he needed clothes I went and picked them out because he did not like to shop and he had bad taste in clothes.  9. I was a good wife and mother.  10. HE KNEW I loved him.

I ask her if she read what she emailed me.  Five of the ten had to do with the money she provided to the relationship.  There was nothing mentioned about meeting emotional needs. Relationships need more than money.

Number six was something any wife or husband is expected to do.  Number seven she stated she does not like sports and everyone knew that because she told everyone and never let him forget the sacrifices she made to attend the games.  Number eight I do not know if I believed it or not.  I tend to believe she did not let him shop for his own clothes because she is particular about her appearance and wanted him to look his best when with her.  I needed her to define number nine to me as to what she thought made a good mother and wife.  How did he know she loved him?  I never saw the two of them holding hands, I never heard an argument, but I never heard verbal expression of love or saw physical signs of love between the two of them.  I heard her say many times when people took offense to what she said to him,  “He knows I love him and only say things that are good for him,”

Before you say it is obvious that they would have problems think about your own relationships at home, work, school and church. Do you take them for granted.  Do you expect more than you give or do you take more than you give?

I have known many people who go to work daily and expect 100% of their pay and give their employer about 50% of their time.  Ask yourself does my employer pay me to carry on personal telephone conversations, look up personal items of interest on the Internet, go back and forth to the coffee maker and eat Bon-Bon’s throughout the day, pay my personal bills at work, listen to my co-workers problems or tell my co-worker my problems on my employers time.  I doubt they do, but a lot of people do it. We are not willing to give what we are even paid to give. 

My dad told me if you take pay for time you were not productive from your employer you rob them of what they are rightfully due.  If you think they do not pay you enough do not try to justify being a thief get another job. 

I am disgusted with men and women, especially men, who have affairs on the side.  I am even more disgusted when society approves of a man having more than one family, while living with his wife and legal family.  Men and women who have these affairs obviously expect more than they give and society by their silence gives a sign of approval. 

It is appalling to me that some people are given the best pews in the church when everyone knows they have a wife and two or three mistresses with children.  It does not make it right just because the man supports the wife and mistresses and all his children.  It is immoral and it certainly is not what God meant for married couples to do when they took their wedding vows and it certainly is not appropriate for a Catholic to do or for a Catholic society to accept as the norm. 

Now to address what my friend said about her never cheating on her husband as if that made her a GOOD wife and mother.  I am sure that is a contributing factor to being a good spouse, but I believe that is what God expects of any spouse and what society should expect of married couples.  When I questioned her about his fidelity she said she honestly believed he never considered being unfaithful to their wedding vows.  So by her standards he was a good husband.

What does the fact that she maintained the same employment for forty plus years and made more money than him have to do with being a good wife and mother?  The fact that she made more than him and she made sure everyone knew it probably contributed to the marriage ending. 

The man before he retired was a chemical engineer making a six figure income.  Did she work so they could have more or so she could have more?  Did she ever consider that her husband and daughters may have needed her time more than her money?  Which did she love more her job, money, title or family?  People can easily be blinded by greed and ambition and not even notice that their spouse has become mother and father to their children.  

She thought having to be out at night four or five times a week dining at expensive restaurants with clients was a big sacrifice for her.  I will admit that the money they made together did make it possible for them to have a housekeeper/cook and that is something few have in the United States.  He had meals prepared every day, but ate alone four or five times a week after the daughters left home.  It seems to me that he made the sacrifices not her.

How do people know you love them if you do not express it with words and deeds?  My dad was a good provider, but a failure in expressing his love to my mother and his children.  It was only two years before he died that he began to realize the importance of expressing his love.  I am thankful for the two years, but honestly to this day I still feel it was given too late in his life. I feel cheated!

I do not believe anyone should remain in a relationship where they have to assume they are loved.  I can recall my mother saying many time, “Your daddy loves you he just does not know how to show it.”  She did not understand that was his problem not ours.  Her remaining silent in order to keep a false sense of peace in the family did not contribute to solving the problem it only made the problem worse and last longer.

Everyone has a responsibility to feed what is feeding them.  I am not talking only about physically feeding; I am also talking about emotionally feeding. 

I have been given many rewards during my life for achievements, etc. but the biggest reward I have ever been given was to be able to take care of my mother the last 18 years of her life. I was able to show her that I appreciated her feeding me, washing me, dressing me, teaching me, protecting me and cleaning up my pee and the other when I could not do those things for myself.  I was not always able to do those things for her personally, but I could see that they were done when I could not.  I can tell you with all sincerity nothing I have done in my life has made me happier than knowing I cared for my mother until the end.  I believe God has blessed me for that more than anything else I have ever accomplished.

A black man at a carwash once told me, “Father you will always be blessed for the way you take care of Ms Reiddie.”  He was a very wise man.

Over the years I have watched people attend church Sunday after Sunday and be fed and never consider feeding the church that fed them spiritually and emotionally.  They never felt they had any responsibility to feed the church.  It is not just a responsibility it is an obligation that God gave us. 

If the man or woman of God is willing to work hard preparing a sermon to feed you every Sunday you owe it to God to feed the him or her and the church.

Do you go to the movie, walk in and out and not pay.  No you do not.  You expect to pay so the theater can continue to operate.  Then please tell me why you have different expectations for the church.  I guess it is because you know you would be arrested for not paying for services rendered anywhere except at the church.  Everything in life revolves around being responsible and at least giving as much as you receive.

Giving and receiving is a cycle that God established when He created the earth.  A farmer does not expect food from the ground, unless he or she plants seeds.  You do not expect a plant in your home to grow unless you feed it water and sunlight.  You do not expect a baby to be born healthy unless you feed it properly in the womb.  You do not expect your vehicle to run unless you feed it fuel.  Then why do you expect love to grow when you do not give love, respect to grow when you do not give respect, loyalty to grow when you do not give loyalty, protection to grow when you do not give protection, friendship to grow when you do not give friendship, etc.

You should have high expectation from all your relationships because you should be willing to give more than is expected to maintain and grow those relationships.

In closing, I want to say something that has bothered me for some time.  I wish people would stop complaining about the relationship they have with their children and the younger generation.  We are as guilty as they are if they are not responsible.  Have you ever stopped to think if we have given them the time we should have.  Have we been excellent role models of how to foster good relationships?

If we give more than we expect we usually get more than we expect and if we do not maybe we should consider getting out of the relationship as my friend did.