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While
working I was frequently in the spotlight and quite honestly I did not realize
the impact the attention and admiration I received from my work had on my sense
of self-worth. I would have denied it if someone would have suggested my being
deprived of attention and admiration would lead me to feeling rejected and
empty. I would have thought those kinds of feelings to be prideful and arrogant,
something I never saw myself as being.
Retirement
is really payback time; there should be no guilt. These expected fourteen years
for men and twenty-three for women have been earned, so what the newly retired
should concentrate on is how to enjoy them to the fullest and reduce any post
retirement stress. But, there is a catch; knowing and doing are two
different things. I did feel guilt and often still do. My caregiver would tell
me, “Father, You worked hard 18 hours a day for nearly 50 years. You contributed
more than most, stop feeling guilty. You deserve to rest, you earned it.”
I found retirement
contributed to feelings of grief and as in any grief response, the feelings of
gloom and hopelessness were exaggerated in my mind. The loss in retirement was
not of an individual, but of a way of life. In addition to dealing with grief I
had to deal with a feeling of worthlessness because I no longer saw myself as
contributing to society.
Most people
do not like feeling like a parasite, nor do they welcome losing the status they
once had. They cannot help but notice they no longer receive the respect they
once had. They become over-sensitive; begin to feel like ‘yesterday’s man or
woman’.
I noticed
right away I was not welcome back at the parish by other priest as I had
thought I would be. My once sought after advice was no longer needed. It did
not take long for me to realize my fate.
Celebrating Mass as a lay person would be my only association
with my past place of employment. Then because I had become bitter I found I
spend the time during the Homily critiquing the Celebrant and thinking I could
do a better job than him.
I realize
the feelings I have on retirement are not universal. Many people retire and never
have a moment to spare in their new lives. They actually enjoy retirement. But,
I aged ten years during the first year of retirement. I never lacked confidence,
but I began to feel stripped of confidence. I felt defeated, beaten, bored and
lost. I think one thing that made my retirement more difficult is I had not
mentally prepared for it. It was not something I thought was going to happen
when it did.
I am not
sure I could have prepared
for boredom, but I think it would have been better if I could have tried to do
so. Retiring gradually is also something I think would have made my retirement
better. I do not think there is one ‘retirement plan’ that fits all. I have
witness people retire very young and never get bored.
I have tried
to analyze why there is such a difference in how people deal with retirement.
Those people that had a life outside of work seem to do far better than those
like myself that devoted their life to their work. Today, I would advise
all young people not to let their work consume them. Manage your work time and
do not let it manage you. Young people should establish their own identity and
not allow their work to become their identity. Depression after retirement is a
real problem. Many people, who have invested a lot in their careers and neglected
other areas of their lives, may suddenly feel emptiness and despair which leads
to depression.
The loss of
independence due to health issues has been a major stress factor for me. I am
not use to asking or allowing people to do things for me, especially things
that I once did for myself. I often feel I am a prisoner to my circumstances. My
emotional feelings over retirement contribute to my health issues being worse
and I know that, but once again knowing and doing something about it are two
different things.
It may not
sound important to others, but it has proven important to me – it is difficult for
me not to be able to go places by myself and not need someone with me all
the time. I think a similar situation could become a problem for husbands and
wives who during a working career had a break from each other five days a week.
They retire and find they are together 24/7 and that can create all kinds of
problems. I have sat in malls and watched older men following behind their
wives carrying shopping bags, bend over, looking defeated and wondered if the
man was once the head of a corporation, a doctor, a professor or entrepreneur
and now is reduced to being a ‘bag boy’. I think it is important for retirees
to try and maintain some semblance of independence.
My one
outlet to the world is my blog and yearly book. I admit I have concerns of
getting Alzheimer’s since it seems to be a plague for my mother’s side of the
family. Through observation of my own family I have come to believe maintaining
a good social life where different people meet regularly in a mutually
enjoyable activity slows Alzheimer’s. Those in my family that suffered from
Alzheimer’s retired and locked themselves off from the world. I unfortunately
have made maintaining a good social life difficult by moving to a foreign
country where I have to deal with a language barrier. If I had it to do over
again I do not know that I would choose to leave behind an established social
life that took years to cultivate.
I allowed
myself to get away from a structured life and that did not work for me. I spend
half the morning in bed and the only activity of my day was going to the mall
for coffee. I have now started getting
up at the same time as the rest of the world, washing and dressing, as I had
all my life prior to retirement. I am assisting my caregiver and his sister in
opening a small cantina and sari-sari store to occupy my time and I hope it
makes me feel more productive and needed. I have contacted Field of Dreams Boys
Home and getting involved with that organization on a limited basis. I am
shopping around for a new parish in an attempt to find a priest that is willing
to devote the time needed to prepare a decent homily so I can once again have
an opportunity to learn.
I have
always planned my income and expenditure at the beginning of each year and I
continued that after retirement. I had planned financially for my retirement so
at the moment finances is not a problem for me. I realize I am no longer in a
position to earn more money so I am stricter on myself than before retirement.
I would like for everyone to know the days when a pension was big enough to
leave a person as well-off as when working have passed. Young people should
start saving for retirement out of their first paycheck and make it a habit.
The amount does not have to be great, but your loyalty to a retirement fund
must be.
I am not an
expert on retirement or depression, but in closing I would like to offer a few
suggestions that have been given to me. Some of the suggestions came too late
for me, but maybe not for you:
•Lead a
balanced lifestyle and cultivate interests outside of work.
•Don’t wait
until retirement to plan what to do with your time. Plan ahead.•Prevent isolation by getting involved in activities where you can socialize and meet people with the same interests or in a similar position.
®Do not assume your children and grandchildren will be there to entertain you when you retire.
•If you are
concerned that you may be suffering from depression, seek help as soon as
possible. I waited until I cried at the most inappropriate times before I
shared my problem with my cardiologist because I was too embarrassed to share
what I saw as a weakness, but I found him to be most helpful.
How do you
know you may be suffering from depression: If you have any of the following signs
you should consider the possibility you are depressed.
•Persistent
sad, anxious or empty mood
•Feelings of
hopelessness or pessimism
•Loss of
pleasure or interest in ordinary activities
•Problems
with sleep (sleeping too much or too little)
•Loss of appetite
or overeating
•Decreased
energy
•Restlessness
or irritability
•Difficulty
concentrating, remembering or making decisions
•Inappropriate
feelings of guilt.
I myself was
feeling hopelessness and had become pessimistic; I no longer was interested in the
things that once had been important to me; Sleeping had become a major issue; I
lost sixty pounds in less than one year; I had no energy; I became extremely
irritable with everything and everyone; Concentration became a problem and I
felt guilty because God has always blessed me abundantly and continued to do so
in spite of myself.
Even though
I knew the signs of depression and counseled people with depression I refused
to accept that depression and not strictly physical health issues were my
problem. I have always been an advocate for mental health, counseling and medication,
but when it came to my personal depression that was an entirely different
story. I saw my depression as
a weakness or lack of faith, something I would never associate with someone
else’s depression. Do not let pride stand in your way of getting help.
Thank you
Dr. Roy Barcinas, M.D., Davao, Philippines, for your advice!