WILL YOU HAVE REGRETS WHEN YOU GROW OLD?

 I recently saw an article asking the same question and I immediately said NO.  Of course I am already OLD, but people have ask me would I do anything different if I could go back in time or if I had any regrets about the decisions I made in the past and I always said NO.  I have had a blessed life and although I had many struggles in my life with the help of God I got through them and think the struggles made me a stronger person. 

After reading the article I realized I do have some doubts about some decisions I made, but I do not know if I could really classify them as regrets.  I recently was sent a small quote, “Sometimes you have to be hard.”  I found that difficult to do.  You see no one help me with one penny of my education, no one help me start a business, no one has ever been at my side, except God.  He was my shadow and the only one I could ever turn to.  My dad died when I was a teenager and from that time until I made it on my own it has been a struggle.  We went from the good life to poverty in a matter of months. 

I have always reached out to help others so they would not have to experience the things I went through and have been burned over and over again.  My best friend constantly ask me, “Father, why do you do it?”  I have helped various members of his family and he has always said, “Father, you are making a big mistake.  They will not appreciate the help and they will use you not the opportunity you gave them to get ahead.”  He was right every time.  The more you give the more they want.  You give them opportunities to get out of poverty and they are not willing to do what is necessary to accomplish the task.  They would prefer you just give them money every week.  Now if I have regrets this would be a significant one.  You can lead the horse to water, but you cannot make the horse drink.  I have a hard time putting that into practice.

I also came to realize how much I had worried about the welfare of others.  I felt an obligation to fix everything and try to make life better for others.  I was worrying about someone else problems and that is foolish.  I was trying to fix others life and neglecting my own.  Worry is never a solution to anything.  Most of the things we worry about will never happen in the first place.  Worry is a waste of time and only contributes to your stress.  

I was not one who was afraid to take risk.  Many Senior Citizens in the survey put that as the number two thing they regretted.  I always preferred taking a risk rather than later thinking ‘I should have’.  I have never been afraid to fail because I always knew I could try again.  I have never wondered if I would have done this what would life be like today.  My advice to young people is – TAKE THE CHANCE.  It is foolish to try and talk yourself out of trying new things. I am not speaking of drugs or alcohol or improper sex that can destroy you or others. If you want to go to Europe, do it! If you want to start a business, do it! But, always do your research before you do it.  Getting into your thirties with a long string of regrets will haunt you all your life. 

The survey found that 76% of Senior Citizens regretted not following their dream.  I do not have any ‘should of’ or ‘ought of’ in my past.  I knew I wanted to be a minister and an entrepreneur.  I was told a thousand times you have to choose one or the other.  I did not settle for one or the other - I had both.  God made it all possible.  My first business was presented to me and I saw it as a way of giving employment to unemployed people in my parish.  I took the risk and from that day until the day I retired I always owned a business and used it for the glory of God.   I feel I was all I should have been and have no regrets. 

Many baby boomers regretted they had not travel more when they were young.  They put it off until they were old and found then their health would not allow them to travel.  Young people, if you do not do it now, you will wish you had later.  One day you to will find your traveling days are over and you will regret it.  I have been to Japan, Vietnam, Thailand, Indonesia, Puerto Rico, Philippines, Laos, Malaysia, Europe, Mexico, all the Virgin Islands and all the USA states.  Some of these places I have made repeat visits.  Traveling is rewarding and if you have the opportunity to do it take it.  To me traveling is more important than a fancy car, branded clothes, remodeling the kitchen, expensive home or jewelry.  I admit I have always had a very nice home with very nice furniture and today I live in a modest townhouse with modest furniture and you know I was not happier in the expensive home with expensive furniture than I am where I live today.  Those expensive things are not really for you to enjoy they are you to show off.

The thing that was high on the list of Senior Citizens was not spending enough  time with loved ones.  Reluctantly I have to say I do have some thoughts about that.  Regrets no, but maybe ‘wish’ I had done better.  I took care of my mother the last 18 years she lived.  I tried to avoid the rest of my family because they only came around to get, not give.  I adopted my nephew and I do wish I would had not worked as many hours and spent more time with him as he was growing up.  I do feel I cheated him.  I was fortunate enough to be with both parents when they died.  The rift with my older sister that left us not speaking to one another for nearly 30 years does hurt.  The only constellation is I did try for about ten years to have a relationship with her.  She is now 90 and I am 80 and both confined to home because of health issues and will never be able to see one another again, thank God we resolved our issues through the mail. I would say to young people do whatever it takes to resolve problems with those you love.

Some Senior Citizens regret the bad habits they formed when they were young and have never been able to break them or broke them too late in life, the damage had already been done. I did not smoke, drink or use drugs because I witness how it destroyed my family members.  I do wish I would have paid more attention to my health when I was young and exercised more.  I ignored a lot of signs because I did not want to admit my heart was not as it should be and that I had been cursed with the family disease.  If you young people are doing drugs, drinking too much, ignoring your health know this you are not only hurting yourself you are hurting those that love you now and may love you in the future. 

Many Senior Citizens regret they did not take education seriously.  If that happens to be you it is never to late to get an education.  You may not be one for college, but there are many good technical fields you can go into if properly trained.  Education is one thing no one can take from you.  I do not recommend going in debt to go to school.  There are plenty of State funded programs you can now take advantage of.  I believe having the name Yale, Harvard or Purdue on your diploma will help very few people.

Thirty-eight percent of Senior Citizens said they regret working at a job all their adult life that they hated.  They were afraid to leave because where they were they were making good money.  It is not worth it.  The real reason they stayed was  they were are afraid to take a risk.  I would rather make less money and be happy than make lots of money and have regrets.  You young people had better stop and figure out how many hours you will spend at a place of employment during your lifetime before you sacrifice happiness for more money. 

The Number 2 thing on the list Senior Citizens regretted was the choice they made with their money.  They ran up debt, lived above their means, did not save enough and spent too much on their adult children trying to make their lives easier.  I started out my adult life thinking about the future.  I read in a church bulletin your money should be set aside each and every payday this way 10% for God, 10% for personal savings and you live on the rest and if anything is left at the end of the money it goes in personal savings.  I have practiced that all my life. The only thing I ever bought on credit was a house.  If I wanted something I figured up the cost and began putting that aside and when I could pay cash I got it.  You really enjoy it much more when you are not worried about how you are going to pay the interest and the principle. I had a friend that used a Sears Revolving Charge Card for yeas.  She never was late on a payment then she got cancer.  Sears eventually came to collect the merchandise.  She thought they were going to take back the last thing she had purchased and not paid off.  Sears took everything she had ever purchased on that card that they could find in her house.  She did not realize the old things were the collateral on the new things she purchased on the card.  I learned a good lesson that day.

Now the number one regret of Senior Citizens was worrying about what people would think.  I AM GUILTY! I did not stop worrying about what people would think  until I was 50 years old.  Today I do not care what other people think about me.  I care what God thinks about me.  I cannot please everyone and I no longer try to.  It is my life!  Young people should go after their own life and their own happiness regardless of what others think.  Be who you are and say what you feel.  Those that are hurt by the truth are not your friends anyway.  White Lies in order to get along with someone never works.  The truth eventually surface and always surfaces at the worse time.  Life is shorter than you think, everyone has flaws, everyone is focused on what is best for them rather than what is best for you.  Embrace uncertainty and do not be afraid to make mistakes.   

I spent my life trying to please everyone in my family and my parish.  I realized too late that it is pointless and impossible.  One Sunday I confronted a problem in my parish from the pulpit.  I announced from that Sunday on I will do what God is leading me to do and if you do not like it leave.  The door in this church works both ways and there are a lot of churches in this town for you to go to and ruin.  No one is going to tell me what to preach or not preach any longer, they are not going to tell what programs I should or should not start and they certainly are not going to tell me who they want or do not want in this church or the kind of people they want in OUR church.  This is not OUR church this is God’s church.  My problems stopped immediately. 

BE WHO GOD CREATED YOU TO BE. BE YOURSELF AND YOU WILL FIND HAPPINESS. BE YOURSELF AND YOU WILL HAVE NO REGRETS WHEN YOU GROW OLD.    

Buy wise and lessen stress!

We do not need clutter in our lives. The more we pursue “more,” the more stressed we become. More stuff means more maintenance, involves time, energy, and resources. The truth is that more stuff makes us less happy. There comes a point when we have enough stuff, and everything above and beyond that level only creates stress.

Before making a purchase, ask yourself, “Do I really need this?” and “Why do I want it?” these questions will help you to determine the true motivation of your desired purchase. Is it a need, a self-esteem issue, or something else? You may find yourself wrestling with your true motive and decide that your reason for purchasing the item is not a good one.

Do not buy replacements for things you already have until you absolutely need them. Take better care of your possessions and remind yourself that you don’t always need to have new things.

I have a friend that believes he has to have the latest cell phone model on the market. I have used the same cell phone for over five years and it works fine. I had a priest friend that needed a new car every 18 months. I drove a Ford Explorer for ten years and it was like new when I got a new car. I was able to save and purchase a small farm by not buying what I did not need and my priest friend never had anything, but a new car that was never paid in full.

For some reason, we think we have to spend money to have fun. That’s just not so. Simplify your entertainment choices. Travel now and pay later can cost you three times as much in the end.

Some of us are living beyond our means, and the stress is killing us. I can’t tell you how much stress relief and joy can be found in selling an expensive car and buying one you can pay for in full. Selling a large home and downsizing with smaller payments can bring more happiness than you think.

Simplifying your life requires self-control. It’s about not giving in to instant gratification. Stop being a slave to impulse buying.

Have you ever walked into a department store looking for a new pair of shoes and walked out with a whole new wardrobe instead? That is impulse buying! Does your trip to the store for some toothpaste end up costing you $50? That is impulse buying! Impulse shopper make purchasing decisions based on impulse rather than planning, research and premeditation.  Retail establishments love impulse shoppers.

Retailers study how to encourage impulse buying for it is very lucrative. Bigger is better, even when it comes to shopping carts. Big-box stores line up hundreds of super-sized shopping carts at the entrance. The average shopper intends to buy only one or two items; an empty cart entices you to fill it up. The customer service desk is almost always located in the back of the store. This means you have to walk through a lot of merchandise – with eye-catching displays on the way.  The more you see, the more you buy, so say market researchers. Retailers hide high-commodity items like socks, among high-ticket items like jeans or outerwear because they know that once you’ve decided to buy socks you’ll be more open to buying other clothing items as well. Employees are instructed to put the most expensive products at eye level.  Better deals are usually at the bottom of the shelf. Sugary cereals are down by your knees, at your kids’ eye level. Grocers know that if they can’t entice you into buying it, they can get your kid to badger you into it instead. Ever wonder why every checkout counter has magazines on display?  It’s because shoppers have just enough time to skim the headlines before it’s their turn in line – but not enough time to get the full scoop.  So they’ll end up buying the magazine and probably a candy bar, too.

Avoid jumbo shopping carts. Stick to a shopping list. The more focused you are, the less likely you are to make impulse purchases. Carry a pocket calculator to compare costs. Wait 48 hours before making a major purchase and consider the pros and cons of the purchase.  Don’t let strolling the mall become your favorite form of recreation. Shop smart, save big and have less stress.

 

What makes you happy?

Do you even know what would make you happy? A lot of people believe if only I had this or that I would be happy or happier. I can guarantee you getting the right stuff will not make you happy or happier. Just look at the movie stars who are extremely wealthy.  Daily we read of their unhappiness, drug abuse, relationship failures and bad choices.  Then look at people in Third World countries that have little to nothing and they are smiling and happy. The people in the Philippines are a good example that you can be poor and be happy.  

The people around you have more to do with your happiness than money or material goods. If you want to experience unhappiness and depression surround yourself with unhappy and negative people. You will soon become unhappy, negative and discontent.

I have been at the bedside of many people who were dying. I have never heard one person ask a family member or friend to bring their expensive automobile to the parking lot so they could gaze upon it from the hospital window. I have often heard them request friends or family members to contact a loved one so they could spend a few last moments with them.

Have you noticed that happy people are most likely people who are at peace with God? I believe anything that undermines your peace with God will eventually make you unhappy. Peace with God allows you to be at peace with yourself and others. Jesus said the greatest command is love God, self and one another. Love gives you the capacity to be peaceful and extend peace to others. People love peaceful people and avoid trouble makers. It may be hard to believe, but if you are at peace with God and self you can remain at peace when you are being persecuted.

Some people have come to believe that you cannot be happy and serve God. I can assure you serving God will not stand in the way of anyone being happy. God created us to be happy. God is the way to happiness. Sinful pleasure separates us from God and others and will eventually bring unhappiness to us and others. Sinful pleasures may bring temporary happiness, but not lasting happiness.

People who depend on God are happy. People who believe God is in control of all their circumstances are happy. If you think you control the outcome of your life then you are sadly mistaken. My father thought he was financially secure and if something happen to him he had prepared for us to be financially secure. In 1957 his health began to deteriorate rapidly. The last days of his life cost us nearly $300,000 now keep in mind it was 1957 and 1958 not 2015. They did an experimental heart surgery replacing a valve in his heart with the valve of a pig. His last eleven days were spent begging my mother to let him die before she used up all the saving trying to keep him alive.

Some people allow the fear of dying to rob them of an opportunity to live. We must accept death as a part of life just as we accept birth as a part of life. There is no reason for those who believe in Jesus Christ to fear death. I am in the final stages of heart failure. I do not know how much longer I have, but I am determined the fear of death is not going to rob me of living what time I have left to the fullest. I no longer pray for healing, but I do pray for comfort in order to continue to serve God and others.

Meekness is your having the correct evaluation of you. Unfortunately today many have come to view meekness as weakness. Meek people can deal with the realities of life. They accept the valuation that God has of them. They strive to accomplish what God called them to do and do not strive to do more than they have the ability to do. Meek people are happy people.

Happy people do the right thing even when no one is looking. They do the right thing even if it cost them. Eventually doing the wrong things in life will catch up with you and you will regret them. Happiness follows moral decisions and unhappiness follows immoral decisions – always.

Generous people are happy people. God created us to serve and to give. Joy comes from helping others.  Our financial model should be to give, save and then spend the rest.

We reap what we sow. Farmers plant seeds, but they do not become plants the next morning, it takes time. Happiness takes time and it is a process. Foolishly some people plant bad seeds and because nothing happens immediately they think they have gotten away with their immorality.

There is a relationship between money and happiness, but the relationship is not how much money you have. The relationship between money and happiness is what you do with your money. The relationship you have with your money is what is important. Money in itself is not evil, but what you do with your money can be evil.

In today’s society our chief competition with our love of God is our love of money. It is impossible for both to be our master or to be number one in our lives. Our human nature leads us to want what we do not have. Greed is the result of mismanaging our money and trying to keep it all for ourselves. Greed can also be the results of fearing we will lose our money or need it at a later date and this leads us not to be charitable. This fear demonstrates a lack of faith in God to provide.

Debt makes us a slave to money. The more debt we have the more money we need to pay the debt and take care of our daily needs at the same time. Debt can easily rob you of your peace and happiness. We have all purchased things that we did not really need and later regretted it. Debt is the number one cause of divorces and relationships ending. I do not suggest that anyone get rid of all their credit cards, but I strongly suggest you manage your use of them wisely. For the past ten years I have not had one single credit card or bought one item on credit. I have chosen to wait until I had the money to pay for the purchase in cash and I assure you I am much happier. I also have more because I do not have interest payments.

You have more control of your happiness than anyone else. You can choose to be around positive people, you can choose to use your money wisely, you can choose to put God first in your life, you can choose to always do the right thing, and you can choose to be a reconciler and peacemaker.

Being unhappy can lead us to making bad choices because we are looking for a quick fix. Do not make major decisions when you are unhappy. There are no quick fixes in life.  Immoral pleasure is more tempting when we are unhappy so always prioritize your happiness over pleasure.

As long as you are always about you then you are not going to be happy. You are not enough to make yourself happy. We need God and others in our lives. We need good relationships. We need to share what we have with others. We need to be available to serve God and others.

I have heard it said a thousand times, “I do not have time to volunteer or serve.” I am telling you today you need to make time for serving others. Service will bring you true peace, joy and happiness.  God created us to give, serve and mentor. Selfishness may come natural, but that was not part of God’s plan for our lives.  Giving and serving are important life lessons to teach our children.

Jesus Christ gave his life for you! What have you freely givne to others? Learn to make sacrifices of your time and finances and happiness will follow!