WILL YOU HAVE REGRETS WHEN YOU GROW OLD?

 I recently saw an article asking the same question and I immediately said NO.  Of course I am already OLD, but people have ask me would I do anything different if I could go back in time or if I had any regrets about the decisions I made in the past and I always said NO.  I have had a blessed life and although I had many struggles in my life with the help of God I got through them and think the struggles made me a stronger person. 

After reading the article I realized I do have some doubts about some decisions I made, but I do not know if I could really classify them as regrets.  I recently was sent a small quote, “Sometimes you have to be hard.”  I found that difficult to do.  You see no one help me with one penny of my education, no one help me start a business, no one has ever been at my side, except God.  He was my shadow and the only one I could ever turn to.  My dad died when I was a teenager and from that time until I made it on my own it has been a struggle.  We went from the good life to poverty in a matter of months. 

I have always reached out to help others so they would not have to experience the things I went through and have been burned over and over again.  My best friend constantly ask me, “Father, why do you do it?”  I have helped various members of his family and he has always said, “Father, you are making a big mistake.  They will not appreciate the help and they will use you not the opportunity you gave them to get ahead.”  He was right every time.  The more you give the more they want.  You give them opportunities to get out of poverty and they are not willing to do what is necessary to accomplish the task.  They would prefer you just give them money every week.  Now if I have regrets this would be a significant one.  You can lead the horse to water, but you cannot make the horse drink.  I have a hard time putting that into practice.

I also came to realize how much I had worried about the welfare of others.  I felt an obligation to fix everything and try to make life better for others.  I was worrying about someone else problems and that is foolish.  I was trying to fix others life and neglecting my own.  Worry is never a solution to anything.  Most of the things we worry about will never happen in the first place.  Worry is a waste of time and only contributes to your stress.  

I was not one who was afraid to take risk.  Many Senior Citizens in the survey put that as the number two thing they regretted.  I always preferred taking a risk rather than later thinking ‘I should have’.  I have never been afraid to fail because I always knew I could try again.  I have never wondered if I would have done this what would life be like today.  My advice to young people is – TAKE THE CHANCE.  It is foolish to try and talk yourself out of trying new things. I am not speaking of drugs or alcohol or improper sex that can destroy you or others. If you want to go to Europe, do it! If you want to start a business, do it! But, always do your research before you do it.  Getting into your thirties with a long string of regrets will haunt you all your life. 

The survey found that 76% of Senior Citizens regretted not following their dream.  I do not have any ‘should of’ or ‘ought of’ in my past.  I knew I wanted to be a minister and an entrepreneur.  I was told a thousand times you have to choose one or the other.  I did not settle for one or the other - I had both.  God made it all possible.  My first business was presented to me and I saw it as a way of giving employment to unemployed people in my parish.  I took the risk and from that day until the day I retired I always owned a business and used it for the glory of God.   I feel I was all I should have been and have no regrets. 

Many baby boomers regretted they had not travel more when they were young.  They put it off until they were old and found then their health would not allow them to travel.  Young people, if you do not do it now, you will wish you had later.  One day you to will find your traveling days are over and you will regret it.  I have been to Japan, Vietnam, Thailand, Indonesia, Puerto Rico, Philippines, Laos, Malaysia, Europe, Mexico, all the Virgin Islands and all the USA states.  Some of these places I have made repeat visits.  Traveling is rewarding and if you have the opportunity to do it take it.  To me traveling is more important than a fancy car, branded clothes, remodeling the kitchen, expensive home or jewelry.  I admit I have always had a very nice home with very nice furniture and today I live in a modest townhouse with modest furniture and you know I was not happier in the expensive home with expensive furniture than I am where I live today.  Those expensive things are not really for you to enjoy they are you to show off.

The thing that was high on the list of Senior Citizens was not spending enough  time with loved ones.  Reluctantly I have to say I do have some thoughts about that.  Regrets no, but maybe ‘wish’ I had done better.  I took care of my mother the last 18 years she lived.  I tried to avoid the rest of my family because they only came around to get, not give.  I adopted my nephew and I do wish I would had not worked as many hours and spent more time with him as he was growing up.  I do feel I cheated him.  I was fortunate enough to be with both parents when they died.  The rift with my older sister that left us not speaking to one another for nearly 30 years does hurt.  The only constellation is I did try for about ten years to have a relationship with her.  She is now 90 and I am 80 and both confined to home because of health issues and will never be able to see one another again, thank God we resolved our issues through the mail. I would say to young people do whatever it takes to resolve problems with those you love.

Some Senior Citizens regret the bad habits they formed when they were young and have never been able to break them or broke them too late in life, the damage had already been done. I did not smoke, drink or use drugs because I witness how it destroyed my family members.  I do wish I would have paid more attention to my health when I was young and exercised more.  I ignored a lot of signs because I did not want to admit my heart was not as it should be and that I had been cursed with the family disease.  If you young people are doing drugs, drinking too much, ignoring your health know this you are not only hurting yourself you are hurting those that love you now and may love you in the future. 

Many Senior Citizens regret they did not take education seriously.  If that happens to be you it is never to late to get an education.  You may not be one for college, but there are many good technical fields you can go into if properly trained.  Education is one thing no one can take from you.  I do not recommend going in debt to go to school.  There are plenty of State funded programs you can now take advantage of.  I believe having the name Yale, Harvard or Purdue on your diploma will help very few people.

Thirty-eight percent of Senior Citizens said they regret working at a job all their adult life that they hated.  They were afraid to leave because where they were they were making good money.  It is not worth it.  The real reason they stayed was  they were are afraid to take a risk.  I would rather make less money and be happy than make lots of money and have regrets.  You young people had better stop and figure out how many hours you will spend at a place of employment during your lifetime before you sacrifice happiness for more money. 

The Number 2 thing on the list Senior Citizens regretted was the choice they made with their money.  They ran up debt, lived above their means, did not save enough and spent too much on their adult children trying to make their lives easier.  I started out my adult life thinking about the future.  I read in a church bulletin your money should be set aside each and every payday this way 10% for God, 10% for personal savings and you live on the rest and if anything is left at the end of the money it goes in personal savings.  I have practiced that all my life. The only thing I ever bought on credit was a house.  If I wanted something I figured up the cost and began putting that aside and when I could pay cash I got it.  You really enjoy it much more when you are not worried about how you are going to pay the interest and the principle. I had a friend that used a Sears Revolving Charge Card for yeas.  She never was late on a payment then she got cancer.  Sears eventually came to collect the merchandise.  She thought they were going to take back the last thing she had purchased and not paid off.  Sears took everything she had ever purchased on that card that they could find in her house.  She did not realize the old things were the collateral on the new things she purchased on the card.  I learned a good lesson that day.

Now the number one regret of Senior Citizens was worrying about what people would think.  I AM GUILTY! I did not stop worrying about what people would think  until I was 50 years old.  Today I do not care what other people think about me.  I care what God thinks about me.  I cannot please everyone and I no longer try to.  It is my life!  Young people should go after their own life and their own happiness regardless of what others think.  Be who you are and say what you feel.  Those that are hurt by the truth are not your friends anyway.  White Lies in order to get along with someone never works.  The truth eventually surface and always surfaces at the worse time.  Life is shorter than you think, everyone has flaws, everyone is focused on what is best for them rather than what is best for you.  Embrace uncertainty and do not be afraid to make mistakes.   

I spent my life trying to please everyone in my family and my parish.  I realized too late that it is pointless and impossible.  One Sunday I confronted a problem in my parish from the pulpit.  I announced from that Sunday on I will do what God is leading me to do and if you do not like it leave.  The door in this church works both ways and there are a lot of churches in this town for you to go to and ruin.  No one is going to tell me what to preach or not preach any longer, they are not going to tell what programs I should or should not start and they certainly are not going to tell me who they want or do not want in this church or the kind of people they want in OUR church.  This is not OUR church this is God’s church.  My problems stopped immediately. 

BE WHO GOD CREATED YOU TO BE. BE YOURSELF AND YOU WILL FIND HAPPINESS. BE YOURSELF AND YOU WILL HAVE NO REGRETS WHEN YOU GROW OLD.    

What makes us family

It is not flesh and blood, but love, respect and loyalty that makes us family. I have recently witness jealousy and quarreling among a Filipino family and I realize no matter what their blood relation is too one another they are not really family. Yet, they expect the benefits of a family relationship because of blood ties.

The cousins that have not taken advantages of the opportunities they have been given expect the cousins that have worked, educated themselves and done without so they could have more at a later date should share equally with them and guarantee they can live the same lifestyle.

Philippine CRAB mentality at its best! Jealousy at its best! I drew the line in the sand when I helped a brother and sister open a small cafe, people who have been dedicated employees of mine for ten years and now all the losers in their family want a piece of the action. I owe the family nothing and I will not give them nothing nor will I allow those that have served me faithfully share with the losers what I have given them. I have tried to help the losers over the years and they would rather party than invest in their future.

I have given the mother money over the years to only find she gave it to the losers in the family and made out like it came from her - buying prestige.  The mother ask me for 300,000 peso to purchase and stock a place in a public market for me only to find out that was a rouse to get the 300,000 she had no intention of opening anything.

I invested in five cows for the oldest brother and half of the calves were suppose to go to my employee and he would keep the other half.  He sold the five cows before they ever had calves and my employee got nothing. It was justified by the family members by saying he was the oldest child and the youngest owed it to him. It was not the youngest child's money it was my money and I owed him nothing.

Expats,be very careful when you get involved with helping Filipino families. It is not all that it appears to be. I have helped families all my life and I admit I have been burned a few times, but in the Philippines I have been burned EVERY time! I helped neighbors until my home became an open door mission and I had to stop helping them. They came to think I owed it to them to help them out of their messes. When the help stop they stop visiting. It is strange the true Filipino friends I have are the ones that have never ask me for nothing and expect nothing but my respect and love. They are always there in good and bad times. I do not know how many grandmothers Filipinos have, but one beggars has ask me to help bury six.

I was ask many times to help one Filipino family always in crisis only to have another Filipino show me the family's facebook page and find that I was paying for a grandaughter to participate in beauty pageants, expensive preschool, modeling classes, etc. Yes, I admit I was the FOOL!

You can make Christmas happy or sad for others.

Christmas can be one of the happiest times of the year and it can be the unhappiest. Christmas brings back memories of the past and those memories can be good or bad. Christmas can be a time when people come together with family and friends or a time when people find themselves alone. This is especially true for the elderly, but it is also true for the young and middle age.  

Early in my ministry I got acquainted with nursing home ministry. I discovered a world that I did not know existed. I was shocked to discover elderly people being warehoused in nursing homes simply because their families did not want to be bothered with them. The elderly person had served their purpose, born them, and supported them through their childhood with clothes, medical needs, transportation, education, love, shelter and companionship. The young had no need for the elderly any longer because the young were not intellectual enough to realize the elderly had wisdom to share with them that only comes through experience. 

I have mentioned this to children that were neglecting their elderly parents and have been told, “I did not ask to be born”, “They only did what parents are expected to do”, “I cannot help they did not prepare for old age”, “I have my own life and children”, I am just too busy trying to survive”, etc.

I must also add there are situation when nursing home facilities serve a real need and provide care that can not be provided at home. If children decide on nursing home care because it is in the best interest of the parent and do not neglect them the children should not feel guilty for making the decision to do so.

One of the nursing homes I visited weekly in Houston had many elderly that were there for the right reasons, but there were some there for the wrong reasons. One Greek man who had founded a restaurant in Houston and passed it on to his son had no visitors for years. The son, daughter-in-law and grandson lived within blocks of the nursing home in the elderly man’s elegant home.  The man was neglected by the nursing home staff because they knew no one ever visited him.

On Christmas Eve 1978 I carried Communion to the nursing home and found him tied in a wheelchair, soaked in urine and complained to the staff. The staff showed little interest so on the way back to the parish I stopped at the elderly man’s home where the son was now living. I knocked and the college age grandson came to the door. I ask for his father and was told his dad and mother was on holiday in Paris, France. I ask the young man if he had visited his grandfather in the nursing home and he said, “No, did you come to tell me he is dead.” The grandson showed no emotion whatsoever. I saw no one cared about the elderly man. I left a Christmas gift with the grandson for his father, a business card with this notation, “Check on your father regularly or I will go to the newspaper”, Fr. Tom.

When they returned from their holiday in Paris I got the response I expected, threats of a lawsuit.  I stood my grounds and they started checking on the elderly man and later sent me a letter thanking me for bringing to their attention that the nursing home was not giving the care they were paying for.  Not one word that they were in anyway responsible. I suppose their lawyer advised them that would be the best thing to do.

I could give many more examples of elderly being neglected by their families in nursing homes and in their own homes. What most Americans do not know is that studies reveal the wealthy are less likely than others to look after their elderly parents. The wealthy visit their elderly parents less and call them less than others. Research found twice as many well-off individuals were ignoring their elderly relatives than those earning ordinary or below average pay. This research makes clear money is not the primary issue in not caring for elderly parents.

A YouGov poll of 1,008 children, 45 to 60 year olds, with elderly parents, found 500 parents over 65, felt neglected by their children. This poll also revealed that the children with the lowest incomes did more for their parents.

Many psychiatrists believe loneliness is one of the largest contributors to psychiatric illnesses in young and old.  God created us to connect to other humans and when we are disconnected; our souls shatter into a thousand little pieces.

I have heard it said a thousand times that crazy people prefer to live on the streets and be homeless. I do not agree with that. I think loneliness and homelessness is what makes people on the street crazy.

People in solitary confinement, deprived of interaction with other people, begin to doubt everything, including their own existence. The same is true of the elderly robbed of interaction with other human being. Americans tend to think of ourselves as self-sufficient, self-made individuals. But that’s not really true. God called us into existence and at the same time called us to be in relationships with other people. Other human beings play an important role in us keeping our sense of identity intact. Many do not realize how important hearing our name spoken by others is to maintaining our sense of identity.

We all have or had parents and we all came into this world completely helpless and needy. Many often forget that fact as they grow into adulthood and begin to make their own decisions and creating their own lives.  It is contributing to a sense of peculiar loneliness in modern societies. Modern societies have begun to want their own personal space and it results in isolation.

The rise of social media and digital communications cannot end loneliness. We can be lonely in a crowd and especially now in a digital crowd. A lot of modern technology encourages individual isolation. The other night I watched a group of adults in a restaurant. There were six people and all had their cell phones out playing games while waiting for their food. People are finding it more and more difficult to carry on conversations and technology is being used to keep them from having to.

Have you ever stopped to think that prior to newspapers people got their news at the local pub from each other? Newspapers came along and they began to get their news alone at home. They did not even have to leave home to get the newspaper it was tossed at their front door in the morning or night.  Many of us did not see the face of our dad at breakfast because he was hid behind the newspaper making conversation with him impossible. In our home my mother was an enabler by telling us when we arrived at the table, “Now you know your father is trying to read the newspaper before he has to go to work”.

Prior to air condition we sat out on our porches trying to get cool in the evenings. We engaged in conversation with those on the porch with us and the neighbors that walked by. Sometimes the houses were so close we conversed with the neighbors on the next porch. Prior to central heat the family sat around the fire place to keep warm and the close proximity brought on conversation. Technology has had good and bad effects on modern society often without us realizing it. We do not want to give up modern conveniences, but we need to take intentional actions to correct the negative effects they may have upon us.

Have you ever thought how television taught us not to look face to face with friends and family? As we gather around the television we are all looking at a screen and not looking at one another. We need to set aside time for games, prayer, and conversation without modern technology interrupting.

We must recognize the positive side of communication technology. It allows us to connect in ways that we’ve never before been able to be connected. We can have friends, even good friends, in every part of the country, even every part of the world. We can keep in touch with distant family members. I have a good friend that I have not seen in ten years, but we stay in touch weekly. Our friendship is as solid today as it was when I left the United States January 1, 2005 thanks to modern technology.

The key is to be aware of the downside of technology and to take steps to minimize the damage and counteract it. We certainly should be teaching our kids by our own examples how to use technology correctly and not lose face to face communication skills, not become isolated and the proper times to and not to use modern technology.

There are emotions revealed by physical expressions that emails and telephone calls with words will never be able to correctly demonstrate. We should keep this in mind when sensitive subjects are to be discussed and we can meet with the other party face to face. Humans will never thrive without physical contact we were not created by God to do so.

Our mega churches today often contribute to loneliness. They are just too large for us to build personal relationship with one another. Gone are the days of church ice cream socials, dinner on the ground, pot luck dinners, etc. When a congregation gets larger than 300 it begins to lose the family gathering place atmosphere and begins to take on an entertainment gathering place atmosphere. Some mega churches stress small groups to try and overcome that problem.

Pastors of mega churches generally are not the ones to visit the sick, unless they are large contributors to the church. The man or woman that delivers the message has staff of ministers that visit the sick and does the counseling. The pastor is the church celebrity that the admirers only get to listen to and see from a distance.

When a minister on staff visits the sick they generally have to introduce themselves to the person that is ill and to his or her family. They may have never seen that particular minister before. There is no personal relationship with the person from the church when you need it the most. But, most people choose mega churches for the entertainment value and they do not want personal relationships with anyone at church.  We are becoming a society that chooses isolation and then we wonder why we are having so many societal problems.

If you have not visited a loved one that lives close by, especially the elderly, this is the season of the year to do it. Perhaps if we begin in January 2016 to try and develop communication skills, face to face contact and break our addiction to modern technology Christmas 2016 will not be as lonely for some.

Keep in mind loneliness/isolation is tied to hardening of the arteries, which leads to high blood pressure, inflammation in the body, and even problems with learning and memory. Loneliness/isolation damages the immune system. Loneliness/isolation doesn't just make people feel unhappy; it actually makes them feel unsafe, mentally and physically. Social isolation and loneliness appears to be associated with a greater risk of dying, but isolation is more damaging to ones health than just loneliness. If you are neglecting a loved one, especially an elderly love one, you are doing more harm to them than you may realize!

Looking for signs that God can still use me!

My health has deteriorated drastically over the last two years. My mind wants to do the things I once did, but my body will not allow it. I try to continue to go to church on Sundays because I have a strong desire to do so and go to the mall coffee shop a few times a week to satisfy friends. Each and every time I do I wonder if it is really worth it? Personally, it is too much of a struggle and drains me of every ounce of energy that I have, not to mention the chest pain and shortness of breath.

Lately something small always happens that causes me to make negative comments. Things that once would not have bothered me now drive me nuts. Little things like people eating with their hands in nice restaurants instead of using utensils, unattended children in the coffee shop splashing your coffee as they run and hit your table, people who see you walking to get in a taxi and know you are walking with a cane and assistance from someone else, but will run and get the taxi ahead of you.  I spiral downward and seem to be unable not to make nasty comments.

I then regret going out of the house. I begin to think I gave my life to Christ wanting to be used by Him, but I expected to serve out of my strength and not my weakness. It is hard to serve when you no longer feel adequate to do so.

As usual for this time of year I began to study the Christmas story. It hit me yesterday how Mary must have felt. I did a piece sometime back that I did not understand why people think the birth of Christ was a walk in the park for Mary.

How many friends and neighbors do you think really believed Mary was a virgin?  Her pregnancy must have been a scandal and the focal point of gossipers. Her family must have felt disgraced. Joseph at first did not even believe God had called Mary to give birth to Christ.

I wonder if Mary at times thought I did not sign on for this public humiliation. Did she ever say, ‘you are God why can’t you handle this better?’ Do you think Mary ever ask God will this one day get better? After all Mary was mortal, not a god.

I just do not believe Mary was totally jubilant as she struggled, pregnant, the last eighty miles to Bethlehem. She may have said some unkind words at times. She had no one to make the trip easier except Joseph. I know we vision her riding upon a donkey because that is what we see in pictures, but the Bible says nothing about a donkey. I believe Mary walked the eighty miles. How many pregnant women about to give birth do you know that would or could go on an eighty mile hike?

Why was Joseph’s family not traveling with them? They were required to go to Bethlehem for the census just as Joseph was. Do you think the family may not have wanted to be seen with them because they were ashamed of Mary’s pregnancy? All we really know is there was no prearranged place for them to stay. Joseph must have had family that lived in Bethlehem. No one seems to have felt an obligation to give up their bed for a pregnant woman.   

Did Mary not wonder why God had not intervened to make things easier for her? Scripture does not record that this birth was anything other than ordinary. It appears to me to have been a bloody and painful birth as all births are.  She gave birth and the baby was placed in swaddling cloth as all babies were at the time. It seems to have been a normal human birthing.

It would have been normal for family to have been present for the birth. The Bible records Mary and Joseph were alone. It makes no mention of family. Why did the family choose to stay away? Do you not think this would have made the situation even more difficult for a new mother?

I am not a woman, but I have counsel with lots of pregnant women. I have never met a woman about to give birth or has just given birth that her body chemistry was normal. All sorts of things must have gone through Mary’s mind – is this place safe, is this place clean, where do I lay the baby, God is this what you really planned for us and is this really the Son of God?

Signs in the Bible were significant. Can you imagine how relieved Mary must have been when the shepherds came and told Mary and Joseph all that had happened? Angels had proclaimed their child’s birth. The shepherds were Mary’s confirmation that her baby was the Son of God.

The Shepherd’s needed a sign to let them know they were in the right place. They were told: “…you will find a baby wrapped in swaddling clothes and lying in a manger.” The messy, dirty, smelly feeding trough was the sign that God used to show the shepherds where the Savior lay.

Mary needed a sign, the shepherds needed a sign and we sometimes need a sign in order to know that we are still in God’s will. That God is still with us and we are still being used by God. I just posted a piece on Mother Teresa and she had been looking for a sign before her death.

But what if the confirmation or sign from God is that things will continue to get more difficult and more humbling than we expected? The opposite of what we wanted? What if the confirmation or sign is that God is with us in our lonely/hard places, but things will remain hard and lonely? What if the confirmation or sign is our manger?

When our plans are falling apart, our lives feel unimportant and we are hoping for something better/easier, perhaps we are exactly where God wants us to be. That is what I have to accept and Mother Teresa had to accept, but it is sometimes difficult to accept that God knows best, but we must.

So as I grief over my weakness and disappointments, I recall the manger. My suffering is not pretty. It’s painful and humbling, but with the Holy Spirit's help I can still glorify God.

God can use our pain and humiliation to bring him the greatest glory. God’s kingdom does not operate as our earthly kingdom does: “The last shall be first, the weak shall be strong, and the foolish shall shame the wise.” Those are strange principles for humans, but strange or not that is what Christians are called to accept as a way of life.  

I am called with the help of the Holy Spirit to show strength to others in this time of weakness. I am called to show that I can maintain faith in these times of trials. I am called to demonstrate that I still have hope. I am called to allow God to use me in spite of my circumstances the same as Mary and Mother Teresa.

Losing my temper, replying with unkind words, being impatient does not help me or others and it certainly prevents God from using me. So, this Christmas season and every day that follows I will try harder than I have in recent months to be what God wants me to be while continuing to look for a sign that God still has a use for me.

Don't let Thanksgiving lose its true meaning?

I have lived abroad now for over ten years and I do okay until the first of November. On the first of November I begin to think about the Thanksgivings we celebrated in America. I do not know if I miss the family or the food the most. By the time Thanksgiving arrives I have dreamed of turkey, fruit salad/coconut, fresh green beans, baked ham, candied yams, pumpkin pie, pecan pie, potato salad that is not lumpy, squash casserole, homemade rolls, mashed potatoes, cranberries, stuffing/dressing and sweeten tea so many times I have had to change the pillow case ten to twenty times because I have salivated on my pillow every night.  

Each year I go through the same grieving process. It is as if my best friend has died. I know intellectually it is coming and I tell myself every year I will not let it get me down. I will get up and go about my day like all the natives of my new home who do not celebrate Thanksgiving.  It will be just another day of the year, but then the Monday before Thanksgiving arrives and the emotions begin to get the best of me.

Thanksgiving is the one holiday that defines America as a nation. It is the one day when the men of the house have no expectations except to relax and eat. Thanksgiving is the day we can eat all we want and not feel guilty. We tell ourselves New Year is just around the corner and we will make a New Year resolution to diet or exercise. Sorry ladies it is a day of long hours and hard work for you, but you know you love it. It is the day you can really show off your cooking talents to family and friends. We love you for it!

I think Thanksgiving should be an international holiday. Doesn’t every man in the world need a day to relax, eat all they want and have no expectations placed upon them.

I try to console myself by thinking of all the poor people working in retail in America that will not have the opportunity to celebrate Thanksgiving because of their greedy employers. Retail workers across the country will have to work and most have no choice in the matter. There is no mandatory paid vacation in the United States, meaning that employees could be threatened with firings if they choose to take Thanksgiving off to spend with their families. Some retailers like Kmart, refuse to make accommodations for employees’ holiday schedules. Last year, Target threatened to fire employees who took off for Thanksgiving.

Sadly because of changes in society some families have forgotten why the day was established. Its meaning has slowly deteriorated, and is now almost completely lost under a cloud of media hype, sales pitches, marketing tactics and commercialism. My oldest sister never allowed our family to lose sight of the real meaning of Thanksgiving.

I would like to take a moment to remind those American families that have forgotten and let my new friends in the Philippines know how Thanksgiving originated.

In August 1620, the Mayflower, a 180-ton ship, set sail from Southampton, England with 102 passengers they would become some of the founding pilgrims of the United States of America, and the initiators of one of this nation’s most popular holidays.

After weeks on rough Atlantic waters, battling strong winds, pounding waves and a number of problems with their vessel, the pilgrims spotted Cape Cod, off the coast of Massachusetts. The storm was so strong that they did not land at their intended destination. Their intended location was off the Virginia coast, where other pilgrims had begun colonies.

Before anchoring at Plymouth Rock and disembarking to explore the territory, the pilgrims devised the “Mayflower Compact.” This was to serve as the basis for governing their new colony, where all would have the freedom to worship God as they chose.

The compact stated, “We whose names are underwritten, the loyal subjects of our dread sovereign lord King James…Having undertaken, for the glory of God, and advancement of the Christian faith, and honor of our king and country, a voyage to plant the first colony in the northern parts of Virginia, do by these presents solemnly and mutually in the presence of God and one of another, covenant, and combine ourselves together into a civil body politic, for our better ordering and preservation, and furtherance of the ends aforesaid; and by virtue hereof to enact, constitute, and frame such just and equal laws, ordinances, acts, constitutions, offices from time to time, as shall be thought most meet and convenient for the general good of the colony: unto which we promise all due submission and obedience...”

The next few months would prove to be difficult. More than half of the original pilgrims did not survive the first, long cold New England winter. Often, two or three people would die in one day due to infection and sickness.

But, with the approaching of spring came new hope. The survivors built homes and planted crops. They made friendships with local Indian tribes, and traded with them. The passing of winter allowed the pilgrims to labor and produce and the colony flourished.

After reaping their first harvest in the fall of 1621, the pilgrims dedicated a day for thanking God for the bounty with which He had blessed them. They were at peace with their neighbors and they were especially grateful for their harvest. This allowed them to gather and store food and crops for the long cold winter ahead.

Their governor, William Bradford, proclaimed a day of thanksgiving toward God. They prepared a great feast to enjoy with family and friends from within the colony and with neighboring Indian tribes.

The following quotes from America’s God and Country demonstrate Bradford’s and the colony’s thankfulness for God’s protection and blessings: “Being thus arrived in a good harbor, and brought safe to land, they fell upon their knees and blessed the God of Heaven who had brought them over the vast and furious ocean, and delivered them from all the perils and miseries thereof, again to set their feet on the firm and stable earth, their proper element. Thus out of small beginnings greater things have been produced by His hand that made all things of nothing, and gives being to all things that are; and, as one small candle may light a thousand, so the light here kindled hath shone unto many, yea in some sort to our whole nation; let the glorious name of God have all the praise”.

Clearly, pilgrims of the Plymouth colony gave God credit for all that they had. Notice the many references to God, and their acknowledgement of how He granted them so many blessings. The pilgrim’s beliefs were firmly entrenched in the realization of God’s presence and intervention in their everyday lives. Thanksgiving Day began because of this belief. It is a day dedicated to giving thanks to God for the many things we often take for granted.

Over the years, many colonies did keep Thanksgiving, but they kept various other days of thanksgiving, at different times of the year. It is a popular misconception that the pilgrims kept Thanksgiving on the same day each year following the first celebration in 1621 and that the other colonies began keeping that same day. In fact, it was a tradition always used to highlight and show gratitude for important events, such as bountiful harvests, victories in battle, etc. Whenever these took place, the colony called for the celebration of a day of thanksgiving.

In the late 1700s, during the American Revolution, the Continental Congresses suggested the yearly observance of a day of national thanksgiving, in hopes to unite factious states.

In 1817, the state of New York adopted Thanksgiving Day as an annual holiday. By the mid-1800s, other states likewise adopted the practice. In 1863, President Lincoln appointed it as a national holiday, and gave a Thanksgiving proclamation. Each president since then has issued a proclamation, announcing the celebration of this day.

Although most ancient harvest festivals were usually influenced by paganism, history shows Thanksgiving Day as practiced in North America was unique. The originators of this day focused upon giving thanks for an abundant harvest, sorely needed for survival. Being centered on giving thanks to the Creator is a major distinction in origin that separates Thanksgiving Day from holidays tainted with pagan origins.

The pilgrims could never have imagined that America would become the global power it is today. The U.S. has continuously been at the forefront of economic prosperity, medical science, technology, food production and space exploration. Its citizens enjoy the freedoms of religion and speech. It is country known for its charitable works.

Yet Americans over the last two decades seem to be slowly forgetting where these blessings come from. Some seem to also be forgetting that there are conditions to receiving God’s blessings. The condition is obedience to God!

 Americans enjoy many blessings that others in the world do not enjoy and we should always be grateful and give thanks to God for them. Before the younger generations lose sight of God’s blessings upon America they had better study the history of Rome, Greece, Egypt, England, Portuguese, Spain and France.

As Thanksgiving Day approaches consider the many wonderful blessings you enjoy. Be grateful for these wonderful benefits. Realize that these material blessings were not given to us because of anything we have done—we do not deserve them. God has bestowed them on us—simply because of His mercy.

Before you and your family enjoy Thanksgiving dinner, or begin watching a parade or football game, be sure to take time to truly thank God in prayer for the national wealth, power and prestige God has given the United States.

I am also thankful that my sister always made sure Thanksgiving was a family day that included our offering thanks to God.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO THE PEOPLE OF THE WORLD!

 

 

Which is better - committed sexual relationships or casual sex?

I know the 60’s were supposed to be the sexual liberating years, but even in the 60’s people in the church questioned a girls morality if she had a child out of wedlock. Then and now they allowed the boy to escape criticism.

We had it happen in our family and the young girl was sent to spend several months with a “sick aunt”. The common practice of church going parents was to send the girl away to have the baby and put it up for adoption. The secret was supposed to be kept forever, but sometimes the secret came out later in life to haunt the young girl, who was now a woman, with another family.

Churches don’t often spend a lot of time reminding people of the importance of sexual intimacy. Society tends to trivialize and cheapen it. People talk about “hooking up” or having “friends with benefits.” Sex has become merely an end in itself. It is common now in our society to think that after a first or second date the couple is supposed to have sex.
This trivialization of sex does not liberate us it robs us of sexual intimacy. The Bible uses an interesting word for sex:  to know.  So when Adam was intimate with Eve the text says, "Then Adam knew his wife…"

When you have shared your body with another, you have shared what others cannot see or experience.  You know that person as others do not.   We are not ready to reveal our innermost selves to another human being after one or two dates; the bonding that happens is premature. And when we pull away from one person and bond quickly with another and another, sexual intimacy eventually no longer bonds us to our partner.

I am not saying you are a bad person when you have trivial or casual sex. Unfortunately we are human with human desires and some of those desires are moral and some are immoral. We long for intimate touch and companionship. It requires extraordinary restraint and self-discipline not to experience sex before marriage. But it is still a Biblical principle.  I confess as a priest I have been tempted many times and it sometimes it was extremely difficult to fight the temptation.

It is later in life when you really begin to appreciate the covenant you have with another human being ‘in sickness and in health’. It is comforting to know that someone will be with you in good and bad times. It helps your ego to be told you are still handsome or beautiful when everything begins to sag and your teeth are in a glass in the bathroom.

Sex has far more meaning than our society gives it credit.  I ask you to consider even if you have had casual sex in the past to consider thinking of sexual relationships in a way that pleases God and does nothing more than bring you instant gratification that usually end with heartache.

I read the study that stated U.S. researchers found that in those who were up for it, casual sex was associated with higher self-esteem and life satisfaction and lower depression and anxiety. That may be true if you are a sexist, manipulative, coercive and narcissistic man. It is important to note that the test trials were done only among 300 college students away from home for the first time.

I also found it interesting that the ‘scientist’ doing the test came to the conclusion that those who benefited from casual sex were generally extroverted, sensation-seekers, impulsive, were not comfortable with commitments, invested less in romantic relationships and were more likely to cheat on a romantic partner.

Another study from Ohio State University found that casual sex can cause depression and can even lead to thoughts of suicide.  This research involved 10,000 students. Casual sex increased suicidal thoughts by 18%.

The choice is yours God’s plan or the world’s plan!

Philippine Culture - Take care of Parents?

When I first came to the Philippines the culture norm was that children took care of their elderly parents and grandparents, but a few years after arriving in the Philippines I saw that culture tradition begin to erode.  It was common to hear Filipino’s be critical of Westerners, especially Americans, for putting their elderly in nursing homes.  They would argue that we were disrespectful of our elders and that Filipino people would never do that.  Well, times have CHANGED!

I never put my mother in a nursing home, but now that I look back I believe it would have been better for her and the family if I had.  She had Alzheimer’s and there were times when caring for her at home were nearly unbearable.  At the time I foolishly thought nursing homes were where the young dump elderly parents and grandparents when they no longer want to be bothered with them. 

At the present moment there are two bills before the Philippine Congress that reflect the growing problems Filipinos have with the elderly.  House Bill 1514, filed by Representative Augusto Syjuco, allows the elderly to ask the courts to compel their descendants, whether legitimate or illegitimate, to give them financial and other support.  If younger Filipinos were caring for older Filipinos there would be no need for Representative Syjuco to file such a bill.

There is also a bill in the Senate, Senate Bill 1809, filed by Senator Mirian Defensor Santiago, which proposes the establishment of a government assistance program for elderly victims of abuse, whether physical, emotional or sexual, as well as neglect or abandonment by caregivers, financial exploitation and health care fraud and abuse.  Again, if younger Filipinos were caring for older Filipinos there would be no need for Senator Santiago to file such a bill.

I have heard many horror stories of the retired persons’ SSS or GSIS card being taken by their children or grandchildren, who then withdraw the monthly pension to use mainly for themselves rather than for their parents or grandparents.   I know of elderly people that have been put out on the streets by family members to beg for pesos to simply survive.  I doubt there is anyone in the Philippines that has not seen an elderly lady or man sitting on the sidewalk begging. 

How many bills are already on the books to curb the ills you find in the Philippines that are never enforced.  We all know that if established laws to fight corruption were enforced there would be little to no corruption.  I would suspect that these two bills if passed will not be enforced either due to lack of funds.

The elderly problem is only going to get worst in the Philippines.  In the 50’s Filipino’s generally died in their 50’s.  The time span to care for the elderly was short, but now Filipino’s who die in their 60’s are thought to have died YOUNG.  Complicating matters is the cost now involved in caring for the elderly.  Most elderly suffer from hypertension and diabetes and the cost of medication can run into the thousands of pesos each month.  Factor in diseases like Alzheimer’s and the cost runs even higher. 

The job situation in the Philippines requires many Filipino’s to work abroad.  The money sent home naturally goes first for the needs of the young and what is left may filter down to the elderly.  It is not only a monetary problem.  The O.F.W. simply cannot be home to give personal care to the elderly.

The numbers of elderly will continue to rise in the next century, but I do not think Congress can legislate parental or elderly care.  The government must strength the safety net they provide for senior citizens.  The Philippine government and society as a whole must begin to provide facilities for the elderly to go to and feel safe and be properly cared for and be given the opportunity to socialize with people their own age.  Nursing Homes/Assistant Care Living is not a dirty word as many Filipino’s believe. It often is better than the alternatives.

The Philippines has a population of people aged 60 and over of 7 million. This is projected to grow to 19.6 million by 2040, as a result of the lower fertility and lower mortality rate.

UPDATE: The abuse problem continues - June 22, 2014 MANILA from the Inquirer—with the growing number of aging Filipinos, various sectors are calling for the passage of laws to protect the elderly against abuse, described by many as a “hidden disease.”

At the commemoration of the World Elder Abuse Awareness Day at the Philippine Information Agency (PIA) in Quezon City last week, experts noted how senior citizens are constrained by shame to admit to being victims of abuse from members of their own families.