Be Sure You Know What You Are Leaving Behind!

I made a mistake leaving what was familiar because I became bored and unsatisfied with what I had.  I allowed the desire for gratification to replace love.  I thought new people, new culture, new traditions and a new adventure would bring back the excitement I experienced when I was younger.  I have since learned, what I should have already known, nothing can replace the familiar and bring you the comfort that old friendships bring to one’s life. 

I have now lived in the Philippines for over five years and I still feel as if I am living out of a piece of luggage, a permanent tourist. Being a tourist is great for a break, but it is a sad way to live.  I own a house and have a few new friends, but home will always be Houston, Texas.  I have had some expat’s tell me that they feel the Philippines is now their home.  They accuse me of not doing enough to make it my home.  As time passes I usually come to realize these people, usually men, did not experience true happiness, respect and love where they came from.  They gave up nothing to move to the Philippines.  They did not leave true friends, people they were really bonded to.  They came to the Philippines to escape and or make one more attempt to be important or feel fulfilled.

Some sarcastically say if you are not happy here why stay, go home!  Have you ever heard the saying, “You can never go home again.”  Friends move on with their lives and you have not been a part of the changes that have taken place.  I tore up once and left and made a mistake, why do it again?  I would never do that unless I knew for sure things would be as they were and there is no way to guarantee that and quite frankly I think it is impossible. You see I have no reason to and never wanted to forget my friends or have them forget me and when I left I acted without realizing that would happen.  I allowed gratification to take control of my decision making.

I have good memories that mean nothing to people in the Philippines that were not a part of them.  I came to the Philippines thinking I could do charity work among the poor.  It is difficult to work among people you cannot communicate with.  It is not true that everyone in the Philippines speaks fluent English.  The vast majority of the poor people speak NO English.  Not many of the middle income people speak conversational English.  There are over 700 dialects in the Philippines.  I do not care how intelligent you are it would take you years to learn to speak one of the dialects correctly and if you come to the Philippines when you retire it is simple mathematics, you generally do not have years to learn a new language. 

If you are like me and love people and are truly interested in people it is difficult not to be able to participate in their daily lives because of a language barrier.  This does not seem to be a problem for some expat’s because they obviously do not care about anyone, but themselves. They sit in the coffee shops and bars with their five or six expat friends and do not attempt to truly integrate with Filipino society.  If that works for them I am happy for them, but it does not work for me.  There is no better treasure in this world than loyal friends and friendship cannot be based solely on people speaking the same language as you.  I have had several expat's say to me, “I do not have anything in common with this person or that person, but I need to be around people that speak English.”

A valued friend from back home stays in touch with me weekly.  He recently had the opportunity to meet up with two of his high school friends.  They no longer live in the same cities, but they have managed to meet recently over several weekends.  They had some apprehension of getting together in the beginning, but now they are happy they did.  They can share in memories they all participated in building. Never underestimate healthy friendships because I can assure you acquaintances can never take the place of true friends. 

It takes courage to ‘stay with it’ – not to move on when things are not going your way.  I now must ‘stay with it’ in the Philippines.  I now understand you cannot live on your likes and dislikes alone.  If you are living by your emotions alone, you are being held hostage to your own needs; “If, however, a person chooses not to fill a hole he or she perceives they have in their life with new relationships or new projects, but see the old ones through, life can transfer to a new and higher level – the ‘spirit’ realm” (Iain Matthew).