Stop trying to live others life's - live your own!

Today I am going to just ramble or vent a bit. I hope you will excuse me for doing so. Last night I met with a child of a friend at their request to talk to her about her attitude. During the conversation I said, "Why is it your teacher gives you a glowing report. She says you are the best student in your grade in the entire school and you are the most respectful child she has ever met. She claims she can only describe you as excellent - perfect", but that is not how your parents describe you.

She replied, "I am not the same at school as I am at home".  The first time I met this child several years ago I told her uncle they are going to have problems with her. She is "intelligent" and she knows it. The things they believe is cute now is not going to be cute in a few years. Well my prophesy was correct.

At home she wants to do things when she wants to do them and not when she is told to do them. If you cross her she yells and walks off.  You get the "whatever" with the hand in the air pointed towards you. If you try and talk to her she plays the I 'am sorry bit' and cries to make THEM feel sorry for her. She has the technique of getting and doing what she wants down pat. She has no problems calling cousins and siblings stupid because they do not excel in school as she does.

I ask her, "Why are you not the same at school as at home? Why are you not the same everywhere? Are you telling me that sometimes you are a phony - fake? Her reply was, "I do not know why I am different at school".

During my 3 a.m. prayer session it hit me like a ton of bricks - Tom why are you not the same everywhere with everyone?

My answer was - I was taught that I am to meet the expectations of those I am accountable to. That is a lesson I wish I had not learned so well. It has at times made my life miserable. I really did not want to be the best at everything I tried. I wanted to do MY best, but not try to be better than everyone else. I did not want to compete. I wanted to be good, fair, just, humble, faithful and loyal, but I personally did not have a need to be perfect all the time and I wasn't no matter how hard I tried.

Many in my family tried to live their life through me. I was the only one to go to college even up to today. I was the only minister. I was the only business owner, except for two uncles and grandfather. I was certainly the only one to graduate cum laud. All I wanted was to be was a minister from age six.

I was told in the seminary (cemetery) that a good minister has to appear to have all the answers. After all that is why they pay you and come to you for advice. I felt inadequate because I did not and do not have all the answers and it took me about ten years to realize I could just tell the people "I do not know". That was hard because I personally felt I had failed them. The authority figures in my life had told me I would be a failure if people thought I did not know it all.

Then came the time when I began not to agree with everything the hierarchy of my denomination handed down for us to teach. Do I tell the people I do not  believe abortion is an unforgivable sin and if it is forgiven the bishop must forgive it? Do I tell them I believe that having children they cannot afford is a bigger sin than using artificial birth control? Do I tell them Christ was not born in the month of December? Do I tell them the Shepherds did not arrive when Christ was a baby in a manger? Do I tell them that infant baptism is a ritual and it is okay, but I really believe it is best to wait until the children can acknowledge their own baptism? Do I tell them that I do not believe once saved always saved? Do I tell them I thing the Church is wrong to deny Communion to divorced and remarried couples or gay and lesbian couples? Will I be honest with myself or meet the expectations others place on me. Eventually, I began to preference things that I really did not support with - "THIS IS WHAT THE CHURCH TEACHES" and people in my parish knew that I did not whole heartily agree and then I would say other Christians believe -----.

Oh believe me when I say, it caused a lot of flack for me by some, but the majority supported me and did not want me to change. They were looking for truth and wanted to have the opportunity to pray, study and reason what was the truth. I would say the majority of Christians want to be TOLD what to believe.

Back to the beginning why have I spent my life trying to please others? All I really ever wanted was to please is God and myself. Why do I have to guard what I say so others will not be offended? What right do they have to impose their beliefs on me or what right do I have to impose my beliefs on them?

I sympathize with the gay and lesbian community. Their sexuality is between them and God as long as they obey the laws of the land (and lot of laws need to be changed) and they do not physically or emotional hurt others that is between them and God. What right do I have to judge them?

I do not want to anyone come back and say their actions emotionally offend me because it goes against what I believe God said - you should not be so emotionally weak. You can hold to your beliefs and let others do the same if you are really as faithful as you say you are.

I think a lot of Christians today have confused following God with trying to be God.

I am now getting nearer 80 every week and I frankly no longer care what others think of me and my beliefs if I feel I am right with God. I do not have to conform to anyone else belief system.  You have no right to judge me and I have no right to judge you. I can forgive the offences you did to me, but I cannot forgive the offences you did to others.  Only God and the ones you harmed can do that. By the way no other priest, bishops, cardinal or pope can forgive your sins either.

So in closing, I frankly do not care what you think of my of my political, personal or religious beliefs! I just want to be who God created me to be and please Him.

If you are allowing others to live their life through you or put demands on you to meet their expectations of what you should be or do my advise to you is make your own decisions and make yourself happy.

I just typed and did not worry about grammar or spelling or anything else. Please forgive me and do not nick-pick me. I actually have stupid people come back and say, "You were never a priest you misspell this or that or your grammar is terrible and you do not know where a comma, period or question mark belongs".  Hate to tell you priest are not perfect and they have the same bodily functions you do.  

Reconciliation is more important than gifts at Christmas

This Christmas was difficult for me. I posted a blog a few days ago about “toxic friendships” and said there were two friendships that I must end before 2016. I still intend to end those relationships, but in my heart I feel a tugging by God that it is not the “Christian” thing to do.

The thought of walking away and not attempting to reconcile, one more time, has brought me lots of pain. I cannot help recall that Jesus Christ suffered, and died in order that I could be reconciled with God the Father.

I know if I even attempted to reconcile they would say they did not intend to make me feel as I do and that I misunderstood their actions. That is what they have said many times before. They will give an insincere apology that does not come with change. I have traveled that road many times over the past eight years with them and I just do not want to travel it again. I do not want to pretend any longer that we have a relationship that we do not have.

I debated all Christmas day if I should take the long road back or just take another path in 2016.  Reconciliation with them would not be comfortable and honestly seems pointless.

But, I feel I need to try to reconcile not for my relationship with them, but for my relationship with God.  Reconciliation is so much a part of our Christian faith.

“Peace on earth and mercy mild God and sinners reconcile” – it is easy to sing about, but when it comes to sinner and sinner reconciling that is not always so easy to do. I can think of many reasons not to reconcile with them, but then I recall all the things I have done that God could use as reasons not to reconcile with me. 

I know the Bible and that makes it even more difficult because I know the scriptures that point out my sins. I know when I mistreat someone God loves I mistreat God. When I am unreconciled with one that God loves I am unreconciled with Him. I believe Christ in many ways said we cannot be reconciled with God if we are not reconciled with our brothers and sisters. God loves them as He loves me!

“If you come to my altar to offer your sacrifice and you remember you are not reconciled with a brother or sister leave your gift and go reconcile with them and then return and offer your gift to me.” God makes it difficult to not be at peace with others, but how can you be at peace with others when peace means nothing to them if they are not getting exactly what they want from you. What about tough love?

The true meaning of Christmas is the baby Jesus who is our reconciliation with God. But, I am sure they have never thought about that so why should I – I know that is secular response and not the Christian response.

I am praying for help from the Holy Spirit, because on my own, I cannot sweep past hurt under the rug any longer.

If God and sinner can be reconciled then how can Christians withhold the offer of reconciliation to others even if they do not accept it or simply do not care? I want to challenge you to do the right thing today – to do what God would want you to do – not what I am presently doing. If you are thinking of someone that you are at odds with right now at least consider reconciling with them. I can testify to the fact that if you are a Christian being unreconciled with others does bring pain!  I want to do what Christ did for me, but at the moment I just cannot bring myself to do it – the dysfunction is just too great.

“The pursued of peace without the promise of peace is never a waste of time.”  Knowing the right thing to do (reconciling) and doing it is difficult sometimes even for ministers. Keep that in mind in 2016 if you ever feel your minister has failed you – he or she is human just like you - they may think you failed them.