Are you rude to God and others on Sunday morning?

 

Sunday at St. Pedro Cathedral in Davao there was a woman with teenage daughters sitting on each side of her. Before the service started she started talking and she was still talking as she walked out of the church. They were talking and ‘laughing’ about her 16 or 17 year old daughter’s boyfriend.  Why did they even bother to go to church? A coffee shop would have been more appropriate for them.

It is ironic that the priest spoke about preparing our self for church. She annoyed me and I would think she annoyed others. I did not go to church to be distracted by her or be entertained by her. The sad thing is the example she demonstrated for her daughters will be the same example her daughters will demonstrate for her grandchildren.  I am sure they are not concerned that I was annoyed, but they should be concerned about what God thought of their rude and annoying behavior.

On the same pew as me was a man with his family. They were reverent, showed respect to God, priest and other worshippers.  I was impressed that the father set a great example for his family by participating in the service. After the service I took a moment to tell him I was impressed by the example he was setting for his family and more importantly I thought God was impressed. 
 
It bothers me to hear a phone ringing during a church service. I do not accept that it is part of life in the 21st century. It also bothers me when I see people texting during church.  I was shocked the first time I heard a ringtone while I was preaching and a woman seated in the third row pulled her phone out of her purse and began a lengthy conversation.  It was the first and last time because I made it clear that if it happened again I would stop the service and call the person out. I also made sure that every bulletin had in large print the same information and that a verbal announcement was made before the service started to reinforce those instructions.

It bothers me when the same things happen at a movie that I have paid my money to go see.

I once surveyed the members of my parish asking them what actions of other worshippers bother them the most during a service. When I tallied the responses, I came up with this list of the rudest things people do in church:
1. Talking during a service.
2. Texting or surfing the web during a service. (One person mentioned seeing people playing video games on their phones.)
3. Sleeping—or snoring!—during a sermon. I am not going to take the blame for putting them to sleep. I rather think they stayed out too late or up to late the night before watching television!
4. Clipping fingernails during church. I was amazed at how many people listed this offense. One person said an altar boy clipped his nails routinely during the sermon. The altar boy was sitting behind me and I was never aware that this was going on.
5. Answering a ringing phone in church.
6. Constantly getting up and leaving the auditorium, presumably to use the restroom.
7. Walking out of a service early, especially during closing prayers and recessional.
8. Letting babies cry incessantly in the service.
9. Chewing or smacking gum or eating chips during the service.
10. Public display of affection. One person complained about a man and wife who enjoy giving each other back rubs during worship.

As I mused over these replies, I couldn’t help but wonder: What does God consider rude?

I have tried to rationalize some of the things that people said annoyed them in church and to be honest I don’t think God is too annoyed by crying babies or rambunctious children. Nor do I think God is offended if a husband and wife get slightly cozy in church. And surely God has compassion for a person whose tiny bladder forces them to go to the restroom more often than everyone else, unless they are using their bladder as an excuse to leave the service.

Some of us, including me, might need to lighten up and extend grace to latecomers, fidgety kids, teeth-grinders, young mothers with infants and people who have to report to work promptly at 1 p.m.

But when I look at the Bible, its obvious God doesn’t like it when people refuse to focus their attention when He’s talking. He has called us to listen. Moses told the Hebrews they would be blessed if they listened to God’s commandments (Deut. 11:27). Solomon said that when we come to God’s house we should “draw near to listen rather than to offer the sacrifice of fools” (Eccl. 5:1).

Isaiah said that God awakened him “to listen as a disciple” (Isa. 50:4), while Jeremiah rebuked Israel because they “did not listen or incline their ears” (Jer. 17:23). And when Jesus was glorified in His transfiguration, the Father declared, “Listen to Him!” (Luke 9:35). There is no possible way we can please God or be His faithful followers if we don’t learn to listen.

Yet, today we live in a distracted culture. We are sleep-deprived multitaskers. We surf the web while we watch TV; we text while we drive; we tweet while we work; we take calls when we are meeting friends for conversation. Some people even crash into each other while walking on sidewalks because they are too busy texting. What is really sad is when you see a couple or family out to dinner an each are using a cell phone and ignoring all the others at the table. Why didn’t they just eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in their bedrooms at home.

We are so focused on everything that we can’t focus on anything. I sometimes wonder if the proliferation of fast food, sugary drinks, and movies on demand, “smart” phones and 24-hour news isn’t rewiring our brains so we can’t focus on what’s really important. We’re turning into zombies.

I’m not bashing technology. But we could lose the art of discipleship if we don’t reclaim the habit of careful listening. That means when we come to church we should not just turn off our phones (including silent mode) but also tune out all other distractions so we can focus on what God is saying to us through the preacher, the worship songs, the prayers and the Holy Spirit’s still, small voice.

Please don’t be rude to God. Don’t just go to church. Go and hear the word of the Lord. Don’t talk, text, sleep or take calls when He is speaking. Listen as if your life depended on it. Your eternal life may!

The wise man seeks advise the fool turns his back on advise.

My dad told me many times, “A man can learn from the preacher and the drunk if he will just listen.”  He would say, “One is not smarter than the other they just have different experiences.  The preacher will tell you what to do and the drunk will tell you what not to do.”  Both pieces of information are valuable.

My dad had a third grade education and was one of the wisest men I have known.  He worked his way up to be the number two man at Sheffield Steel’s Coke Plant.  He supervised engineers and at my dad’s funeral in 1958 several of the men told me that my dad could figure equations in his head faster than they could on paper.  He listened as he moved up and memorized the equations.

Over the years I have had to deal with many men and women who would come to me saying they were looking for help with a problem.  It quickly would become apparent that they didn’t want advice if it required them to listen and make changes.  In fact, the entire conversation would usually be about why they couldn’t change, why they didn’t need to change, and why they were not responsible for the results they were getting.  They simply did not want to LISTEN! 

Ten minutes into these discussions, I would realize I was dealing with a fool.  There was no point in continuing the conversation.  More talk would not change anything.   In fact most of the time they would leave my office upset that I would even attempt to offer any advice, because they thought I could not possibly know what they were going through. 

Dr Henry Cloud gave me clarity about something I had struggled with for years. The difference between a wise person and a fool is not about:

Position - Plenty of business leaders, pastors, and politicians are fools.  I have met wise office clerks, gardeners, and even one extremely wise car wash man.

Intelligence - I know fools with master’s degrees and Ph.Ds.  Some of them teach in universities and have written books.  I know wise people who never graduated from high school and a few who can’t read.

Talent - I know fools who are successful entrepreneurs, worship leaders, and television pundits.  I know wise people with average talent and modest income.

According to King Solomon, there is one major thing that makes the difference between wise people and fools: How they receive instruction and correction (Proverbs 1:5; 9:8–9; 10:8; 12:15; 15:12; 17:10; and 19:20.)  How they listen!  A wise person: Listens without being defensive, accepts responsibility without blame and changes without delay. 

If you are dealing with a wise person, talking is helpful.  They listen and soak up what you say and use it to adjust their lives for the better. Your input can make a difference. 

If you are dealing with a fool talking is a waste of your time.  They refuse to listen, they resist change and the problem is never with them.  The problem is always out there somewhere caused by someone else and bad breaks.  Their favourite line is you do not understand because you have not been through what they have been through or you have not had done to you what they have had done to them.

In the beginning I wondered why some conversations never seem to go anywhere.   They would leave and I would be left confused and frustrated.  Now I know.  This happens when you are talking with a fool. 

This doesn’t mean that I would write fools off.  Instead, I changed strategies. More talk won’t help a fool.  Instead, you must: Stop talking; Provide limits and Give consequences. 

At an Egyptian exhibit at the Houston Museum I once read "The wise man doubts often and his views are changeable.  The fool is constant in his opinions, and doubts nothing, because he knows everything, except his own ignorance" Pharaoh Akhenaton, c.1250BCE.  I have used that in sermons many times over the years.  The fool is constant in his or her opinion because they have never heard another opinion.  They refuse to listen to anything new. 

Jesus taught that in order to be wise, a person must put into practice what he has learned.  I believe books give knowledge, but books do not give wisdom.  Wisdom comes from listening to others with the intent of learning from their experiences and putting them into practice.  You keep the good and discord the bad. 

I have met a lot of seminary trained people with book knowledge about the Bible, but there is a difference between book knowledge and life experiences.  No one can experience everything, but you can experience lots of things simply by listening to others and not assume you know everything. 

Many people throughout the years have turned their brain and ears off at the door of the church assuming they knew more than the man or woman in the pulpit.  Some students do the same in class.   Don’t assume anyone knows more or less than you.  Listen to everyone and you will be surprised at what you can learn.  You can also learn what the speaker thinks he or she knows, but doesn’t.

Some people when they come to you for advice come to have their own opinions strengthened and not corrected.  God did not put us here to give strength to stupidity.  Be honest and say what you think, without pride and with a willingness to acknowledge you could be wrong.  Never assume what works for you will work for everyone.  Don’t assume you know what they are going to say before they say it.  You need to listen to them as well!  And if you do not know how to fix their problem admit it - don’t make a fool of yourself!