Stop trying to live others life's - live your own!

Today I am going to just ramble or vent a bit. I hope you will excuse me for doing so. Last night I met with a child of a friend at their request to talk to her about her attitude. During the conversation I said, "Why is it your teacher gives you a glowing report. She says you are the best student in your grade in the entire school and you are the most respectful child she has ever met. She claims she can only describe you as excellent - perfect", but that is not how your parents describe you.

She replied, "I am not the same at school as I am at home".  The first time I met this child several years ago I told her uncle they are going to have problems with her. She is "intelligent" and she knows it. The things they believe is cute now is not going to be cute in a few years. Well my prophesy was correct.

At home she wants to do things when she wants to do them and not when she is told to do them. If you cross her she yells and walks off.  You get the "whatever" with the hand in the air pointed towards you. If you try and talk to her she plays the I 'am sorry bit' and cries to make THEM feel sorry for her. She has the technique of getting and doing what she wants down pat. She has no problems calling cousins and siblings stupid because they do not excel in school as she does.

I ask her, "Why are you not the same at school as at home? Why are you not the same everywhere? Are you telling me that sometimes you are a phony - fake? Her reply was, "I do not know why I am different at school".

During my 3 a.m. prayer session it hit me like a ton of bricks - Tom why are you not the same everywhere with everyone?

My answer was - I was taught that I am to meet the expectations of those I am accountable to. That is a lesson I wish I had not learned so well. It has at times made my life miserable. I really did not want to be the best at everything I tried. I wanted to do MY best, but not try to be better than everyone else. I did not want to compete. I wanted to be good, fair, just, humble, faithful and loyal, but I personally did not have a need to be perfect all the time and I wasn't no matter how hard I tried.

Many in my family tried to live their life through me. I was the only one to go to college even up to today. I was the only minister. I was the only business owner, except for two uncles and grandfather. I was certainly the only one to graduate cum laud. All I wanted was to be was a minister from age six.

I was told in the seminary (cemetery) that a good minister has to appear to have all the answers. After all that is why they pay you and come to you for advice. I felt inadequate because I did not and do not have all the answers and it took me about ten years to realize I could just tell the people "I do not know". That was hard because I personally felt I had failed them. The authority figures in my life had told me I would be a failure if people thought I did not know it all.

Then came the time when I began not to agree with everything the hierarchy of my denomination handed down for us to teach. Do I tell the people I do not  believe abortion is an unforgivable sin and if it is forgiven the bishop must forgive it? Do I tell them I believe that having children they cannot afford is a bigger sin than using artificial birth control? Do I tell them Christ was not born in the month of December? Do I tell them the Shepherds did not arrive when Christ was a baby in a manger? Do I tell them that infant baptism is a ritual and it is okay, but I really believe it is best to wait until the children can acknowledge their own baptism? Do I tell them that I do not believe once saved always saved? Do I tell them I thing the Church is wrong to deny Communion to divorced and remarried couples or gay and lesbian couples? Will I be honest with myself or meet the expectations others place on me. Eventually, I began to preference things that I really did not support with - "THIS IS WHAT THE CHURCH TEACHES" and people in my parish knew that I did not whole heartily agree and then I would say other Christians believe -----.

Oh believe me when I say, it caused a lot of flack for me by some, but the majority supported me and did not want me to change. They were looking for truth and wanted to have the opportunity to pray, study and reason what was the truth. I would say the majority of Christians want to be TOLD what to believe.

Back to the beginning why have I spent my life trying to please others? All I really ever wanted was to please is God and myself. Why do I have to guard what I say so others will not be offended? What right do they have to impose their beliefs on me or what right do I have to impose my beliefs on them?

I sympathize with the gay and lesbian community. Their sexuality is between them and God as long as they obey the laws of the land (and lot of laws need to be changed) and they do not physically or emotional hurt others that is between them and God. What right do I have to judge them?

I do not want to anyone come back and say their actions emotionally offend me because it goes against what I believe God said - you should not be so emotionally weak. You can hold to your beliefs and let others do the same if you are really as faithful as you say you are.

I think a lot of Christians today have confused following God with trying to be God.

I am now getting nearer 80 every week and I frankly no longer care what others think of me and my beliefs if I feel I am right with God. I do not have to conform to anyone else belief system.  You have no right to judge me and I have no right to judge you. I can forgive the offences you did to me, but I cannot forgive the offences you did to others.  Only God and the ones you harmed can do that. By the way no other priest, bishops, cardinal or pope can forgive your sins either.

So in closing, I frankly do not care what you think of my of my political, personal or religious beliefs! I just want to be who God created me to be and please Him.

If you are allowing others to live their life through you or put demands on you to meet their expectations of what you should be or do my advise to you is make your own decisions and make yourself happy.

I just typed and did not worry about grammar or spelling or anything else. Please forgive me and do not nick-pick me. I actually have stupid people come back and say, "You were never a priest you misspell this or that or your grammar is terrible and you do not know where a comma, period or question mark belongs".  Hate to tell you priest are not perfect and they have the same bodily functions you do.  

Gambling/lottery is not a sin - your attitude towards them can make them a sin.

NFL conference championship games are Sunday (Jan. 24) and millions of Americans are poised to bet money, a new survey finds most have no moral issue with sports gambling.

An evangelical polling group found 64 percent of U.S adults said sports gambling are not morally wrong, 31 percent disagreed and 5 percent were unsure. Only 40 percent agreed “sports betting should be legalized throughout the country.

Gambling should be a State issue not a Federal issue and should be decided by a vote of the people. I am not for Internet betting because it allows those living in a state where the majority of the people oppose legalized gambling to gamble. If you do not agree with the majority of voters in your state and gambling is that important to you then you should move.

The Bible does not specifically condemn gambling. The Bible does warn us to stay away from the love of money (1 Timothy 6:10; Hebrews 13:5). Scripture also encourages us to stay away from attempts to “get rich quick” (Proverbs 13:11; 23:5; Ecclesiastes 5:10).  

Gambling is a difficult issue to discuss because if it is done in moderation and only on occasion it is not necessarily evil. Gambling is nothing more than entertainment for many people. We spend money on all types of entertainment sports events, movies, expensive meals, vacations, holidays, purchasing items we do not need, etc. What some see as a waste of money others do not. Anytime you spend money that you do not have to spare on anything you do not need is a waste of money and I personally see it as a sin.

There are people who are addicted to gambling as there are people addicted to drugs and alcohol. Is it our responsibility to try and make it difficult for them to satisfy their addiction – I think not. If a person is addicted to something they will find a way to satisfy their addiction regardless of what we do. A cure for any addiction only comes when the person who is addicted wants to stop and seeks help.

I had a friend that was addicted to alcohol. I would have dinner parties and holiday parties and if he was in attendance I would not serve any alcoholic beverage. I was confronted by other friends and ask why they all should do without wine or cocktail simply because he had a problem. I thought and prayed about it and then approached my friend with the problem and explained the situation and told him I would be serving wine and cocktails in the future and if he felt it was best he not attend I would understand. He laughed and told me he had no problem with my decision and confessed he kept a bottle in his car and would take a drink before and after leaving one of my dinners. My not serving alcohol did not help him in the least.

The Bible does not explicitly mention gambling, but it does mention events of “luck” or “chance.” As an example, casting lots is used in Leviticus to choose between the sacrificial goat and the scapegoat. Joshua cast lots to determine the allotment of land to the various tribes. Nehemiah cast lots to determine who would live inside the walls of Jerusalem. The apostles cast lots to determine the replacement for Judas. Casting lots is a form of gambling.

I do not deny that lottery participants are usually those who can least afford to be spending money on lottery tickets. The allure of “getting rich quick” is a temptation for those who are desperate. Those that are desperate are usually desperate because they do not know how to manage their finances regardless if they gamble or purchase lottery tickets or not. Society had a lot of desperate citizens before the lottery and gambling became legal in some states.

Laws have never stopped prostitution or addictions. They only have made the vices go undercover. When they go undercover the government has absolutely no control of them. Illegal lottery brought down President Estrada in the Philippines. Lottery is now legal in the Philippines, illegal lottery continues, but does not present the same problems it once did.

I have heard that the money the government collects from lottery does not go to fund the causes it is supposed to. I am sure that is happening, but that has nothing to do with the lottery and everything to do with the politicians we elect.

I have heard the argument over and over to justify not having the lottery that lottery winners have less in a few years after winning the lottery than they had before winning. Whose fault is that? How can you blame the fact that they are irresponsible on the lottery?

I have heard fellow minister use scriptures to judge those who play the lottery or gamble. One scripture they use is Proverbs 13:11, “Dishonest money dwindles away, but he who gathers money little by little makes it grow.” How can gambling or playing the lottery be classified as dishonest money if it is done legally and won fair and square? I have even heard it said God does not want money donated to the church that is drug money or money stolen in a bank robbery and God does not want money that was “stolen” from the poor in the temptation for riches. That honestly sounds stupid to me – lottery money is not money STOLEN from the poor. I think the poor have a choice if they want to play the lottery or gamble. If we passed a law that you must show prove of income to gamble or play the lottery then the liberals would be screaming discrimination.

These are other arguments that I have heard protestant ministers use to oppose gambling or the lottery - First Timothy 6:10, “For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.” Hebrew 13:5 “Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, ‘Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.’” Matthew 6:24, “No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money.” Do we assume that if someone eats an expensive meal in the finest restaurant they are putting money before God? If we do there certainly are a lot of ministers putting money before God. Using scripture improperly to support your personal agenda is what has made Christianity look foolish to some.

One minister calls the lottery and gambling a sin because he says it causes materialism, greed, discontent, reliance on chance vs. reliance on God's providence, exploitation, laziness vs. working, thwarting of charity, seeking to gain from the loss of others – REALLY! If that is true and it is probably true in some cases then I think his time would be better spent on teaching his followers the sin of materialism, greed, discontent, reliance on chance, exploitation, laziness, charity and taking advantage of other rather than focusing on trying to make gambling and lottery illegal.

He also says the lottery and gambling produces addiction, poverty, crime, dishonesty, family strife and divorce, escape into alcoholism and exploitation of the poor. It could contribute to all of those problems. I question if poverty, crime, dishonesty, family strife, divorce, alcoholism and exploitation of the poor would end if gambling and lottery was made illegal. What happen when the Federal government ban alcohol? What happen when prostitution was made illegal? Cocaine and heroin are illegal has it solved the problem or slowed the problem?

Moral issues are corrected in the home, in the schools, in the churches, by friends and not by government – never has and never will.

What makes you happy?

Do you even know what would make you happy? A lot of people believe if only I had this or that I would be happy or happier. I can guarantee you getting the right stuff will not make you happy or happier. Just look at the movie stars who are extremely wealthy.  Daily we read of their unhappiness, drug abuse, relationship failures and bad choices.  Then look at people in Third World countries that have little to nothing and they are smiling and happy. The people in the Philippines are a good example that you can be poor and be happy.  

The people around you have more to do with your happiness than money or material goods. If you want to experience unhappiness and depression surround yourself with unhappy and negative people. You will soon become unhappy, negative and discontent.

I have been at the bedside of many people who were dying. I have never heard one person ask a family member or friend to bring their expensive automobile to the parking lot so they could gaze upon it from the hospital window. I have often heard them request friends or family members to contact a loved one so they could spend a few last moments with them.

Have you noticed that happy people are most likely people who are at peace with God? I believe anything that undermines your peace with God will eventually make you unhappy. Peace with God allows you to be at peace with yourself and others. Jesus said the greatest command is love God, self and one another. Love gives you the capacity to be peaceful and extend peace to others. People love peaceful people and avoid trouble makers. It may be hard to believe, but if you are at peace with God and self you can remain at peace when you are being persecuted.

Some people have come to believe that you cannot be happy and serve God. I can assure you serving God will not stand in the way of anyone being happy. God created us to be happy. God is the way to happiness. Sinful pleasure separates us from God and others and will eventually bring unhappiness to us and others. Sinful pleasures may bring temporary happiness, but not lasting happiness.

People who depend on God are happy. People who believe God is in control of all their circumstances are happy. If you think you control the outcome of your life then you are sadly mistaken. My father thought he was financially secure and if something happen to him he had prepared for us to be financially secure. In 1957 his health began to deteriorate rapidly. The last days of his life cost us nearly $300,000 now keep in mind it was 1957 and 1958 not 2015. They did an experimental heart surgery replacing a valve in his heart with the valve of a pig. His last eleven days were spent begging my mother to let him die before she used up all the saving trying to keep him alive.

Some people allow the fear of dying to rob them of an opportunity to live. We must accept death as a part of life just as we accept birth as a part of life. There is no reason for those who believe in Jesus Christ to fear death. I am in the final stages of heart failure. I do not know how much longer I have, but I am determined the fear of death is not going to rob me of living what time I have left to the fullest. I no longer pray for healing, but I do pray for comfort in order to continue to serve God and others.

Meekness is your having the correct evaluation of you. Unfortunately today many have come to view meekness as weakness. Meek people can deal with the realities of life. They accept the valuation that God has of them. They strive to accomplish what God called them to do and do not strive to do more than they have the ability to do. Meek people are happy people.

Happy people do the right thing even when no one is looking. They do the right thing even if it cost them. Eventually doing the wrong things in life will catch up with you and you will regret them. Happiness follows moral decisions and unhappiness follows immoral decisions – always.

Generous people are happy people. God created us to serve and to give. Joy comes from helping others.  Our financial model should be to give, save and then spend the rest.

We reap what we sow. Farmers plant seeds, but they do not become plants the next morning, it takes time. Happiness takes time and it is a process. Foolishly some people plant bad seeds and because nothing happens immediately they think they have gotten away with their immorality.

There is a relationship between money and happiness, but the relationship is not how much money you have. The relationship between money and happiness is what you do with your money. The relationship you have with your money is what is important. Money in itself is not evil, but what you do with your money can be evil.

In today’s society our chief competition with our love of God is our love of money. It is impossible for both to be our master or to be number one in our lives. Our human nature leads us to want what we do not have. Greed is the result of mismanaging our money and trying to keep it all for ourselves. Greed can also be the results of fearing we will lose our money or need it at a later date and this leads us not to be charitable. This fear demonstrates a lack of faith in God to provide.

Debt makes us a slave to money. The more debt we have the more money we need to pay the debt and take care of our daily needs at the same time. Debt can easily rob you of your peace and happiness. We have all purchased things that we did not really need and later regretted it. Debt is the number one cause of divorces and relationships ending. I do not suggest that anyone get rid of all their credit cards, but I strongly suggest you manage your use of them wisely. For the past ten years I have not had one single credit card or bought one item on credit. I have chosen to wait until I had the money to pay for the purchase in cash and I assure you I am much happier. I also have more because I do not have interest payments.

You have more control of your happiness than anyone else. You can choose to be around positive people, you can choose to use your money wisely, you can choose to put God first in your life, you can choose to always do the right thing, and you can choose to be a reconciler and peacemaker.

Being unhappy can lead us to making bad choices because we are looking for a quick fix. Do not make major decisions when you are unhappy. There are no quick fixes in life.  Immoral pleasure is more tempting when we are unhappy so always prioritize your happiness over pleasure.

As long as you are always about you then you are not going to be happy. You are not enough to make yourself happy. We need God and others in our lives. We need good relationships. We need to share what we have with others. We need to be available to serve God and others.

I have heard it said a thousand times, “I do not have time to volunteer or serve.” I am telling you today you need to make time for serving others. Service will bring you true peace, joy and happiness.  God created us to give, serve and mentor. Selfishness may come natural, but that was not part of God’s plan for our lives.  Giving and serving are important life lessons to teach our children.

Jesus Christ gave his life for you! What have you freely givne to others? Learn to make sacrifices of your time and finances and happiness will follow!

Can you be content in adversity?

What can you do when it seems your situation cannot ever change?  Perhaps it is a health issue, financial issue or relationship issue. It may seem that your dreams can never come true. Your situation is permanent. All your options may seem to be bad ones. Do you get angry and resentful? Do you start telling yourself you will never be happy again? Do you start looking for who or what you can blame?

I certainly have been in situations where I thought there was not a solution and nothing good could come out of the situation I was presently in.  I have gotten angry, resentful, looked for someone or something to blame.  I have even blamed God, wondered if God had forsaken me, wondered what I had done wrong for God to punish me, wondered if God was hearing my prayers and sadly have wondered if there was a God.

I assure you God is never absent, God is not punishing you, God is not angry, God knows what you are going through and God loves you. Don’t consider God’s silence as not caring.

When you are going through these difficult times try to find someone that has been through a similar situation. Ask them how they got through it. If they survived it you will know you can to.

Don’t beat yourself up for having doubts. John the Baptist was considered the greatest man on earth at the time by Jesus and John the Baptist had doubts.  While in prison he sent his disciples to see if Jesus was really the Messiah.  

Do not lose your joy, hope, sense of purpose and certainly do not lose your faith in God during these difficult times. We have story after story in the Bible especially in the New Testament of people going through difficult times and not losing faith. In times of your difficulties read about the life of Paul. 

Paul came to see the thorn in his side that God would not remove as being good for him.  I have come to see that the bad health I have suffered most of my life has been good for me.  As with Paul my suffering has helped me manage my pride and kept me humble. The grace of God can give us the power and endurance to get through any and all difficulties.

A trial is not always your enemy.  It can be a gift. It depends largely on the attitude you take towards your circumstances. Many Christians try to hide their problems because they are afraid people will think their faith is weak. Use your story to help others. There is a natural bond between people who have suffered similar circumstances. Be a comforter!

There is nothing wrong with asking God to remove our problems, but it is important that we be prepared to accept God’s will. I think it is more important to ask God to comfort us in the midst of our problems. We must trust that God knows what is best for us and that takes faith.

I am not naïve. I know we all question how God can be good and yet bad things happen to good people. Bad things happen to good and bad people, but people of faith can learn to be content in bad times. Trials do not have to wreck our contentment unless we allow them to. I certainly want to learn to be content in good and bad times. I know if Paul could learn to be content I can to. 

We have no idea how God can use our adversities for good if we remain faithful. There was a young man in my parish suffering an incurable illness.  I was moved to another parish and about five years after being moved he came to my new parish and wanted to see me.  I invited him in and ask how he was doing. He told me he was better, but he wanted to let me know that because of how I handled my illness he became determined that he could to.  He had left the Catholic Church and was studying to be a minister in another denomination. That outcome never crossed my mind. He will go on to help others and they will go on to help still more. God works through people.

(Note: A good man lost to the Catholic Church because they will not ordain men with lifelong health issues.)

One mistake we often make is jumping into solving our problems before we turn them over to God. We focus on the wrong things and when we focus on what is wrong we can lose sight of what is right.  We lose sight of what God is doing. We lose sight of what God is making right. Trials when handled properly can bring us closer to God and strengthen our faith.

Ask yourself the next time you find yourself in the middle of a bad situation how is my actions affecting others. Your hope in bad times can bring hope to others. No matter how difficult your situation is there is hope and you can survive.

GOD CAN MAKE BEAUTIFUL THINGS OUT OF DESPAIR!