Catholic Hierarchy - Double Talk.

 The Catholic Bishops’ Conference of the Philippines (CBCP) on Tuesday urged voters not to support candidates in the 2016 elections who are pushing for divorce, death penalty and other measures that it said are against the Church's doctrines.

CBCP President Archbishop Socrates Villegas issued some guidelines for Catholic voters to follow in choosing their candidates in 2016. According to Villegas, a Catholic voter should not support a candidate "who’s legislative or executive programs include initiatives diametrically opposed to (Catholic) Church moral teachings on such vital issues as abortion, euthanasia, the return of the death penalty, divorce and the dilution of the character of Christian marriage," even if the candidate is honest, qualified and the best candidate. We all know there are NO Catholics in the Philippines that are violating their marriage vows taking Communion every Sunday in the Philippines. 

"While we expect every public officer to give life to the constitutional posture of 'benevolent neutrality' in respect to the attitude of the State towards religion, the Catholic voter cannot and should not lend his support to any candidate whose ideology binds him or her to make of the Philippines a secular state that has no tolerance for religion in its public life," Villegas said.

"It has never been the practice of the Catholic Church to hold out a candidate to the faithful as the 'chosen' candidate of the Church," he said. "Church doctrine has remained consistent: Partisanship is an arena into which the Church should not venture."

Villegas also urged the voters to consider political aspirants from other religions. "A Catholic is not closed to the candidacy of a non-Catholic," he said. "In fact, there are worthy candidates from other Christian communities and other religions." "Their qualifications and aspirations must be given serious heed by our Catholic voters, their truly helpful plans and visions must be supported,” Villegas said. As long as they uphold Catholic teachings!

There are an estimated 75,594,148 Catholics in the Philippines according to the latest statistics. The population of the Philippines was estimated at 100,096,496 as of July 1, 2014. The total registered voters in the Philippines as of January 22, 2013 were 52,014,648. Roughly 75% plus (85%) Filipinos are Catholic. That is enough to control any election if 75% (85%) of registered voters are Catholic. I know it is said that Catholics tend not to block vote. But, any time the hierarchy of the Catholic Church speaks out about an election it has to have some influence on the election and to pretend they do not try to choose candidates in my opinion is not entirely honest.

The Philippines is the only country in the world, aside from Vatican City, which lacks divorce laws. How could anyone deny that is not due to the influence of the Catholic Church hierarchy in the Philippines? The Catholic Church does get involved in the political arena in the Philippines the recent battle over artificial birth control is evidence of that. They have a strong influence over any and all laws passed in the Philippines. To my knowledge the only time they have lost a political battle was the one over artificial birth control.

UPDATE: THE BISHOPS LOST THE WAR, BUT WON THE BATTLE THEY MANAGE TO GET THE PHILIPPINE CONGRESS NOT TO FUND THE REPRODUCTIVE BILL IN THE 2016 BUDGET - FOR ALL PRACTICAL PURPOSE NO FUNDS MEANS NO REPRODUCTIVE BILL. 

Any non-Catholic candidate would need to adhere to Catholic doctrine, even if his or her denomination or religion did not support Catholic doctrine, if they wanted the support of the Catholic hierarchy. In other words a non-Catholic candidate might have to go against his or her religious beliefs to satisfy the Catholic hierarchy of the Philippines in order to be elected. Most mainstream Protestant denominations support divorce and artificial birth control.  Many Protestant denominations are not opposed to the death penalty.

I cannot reconcile in my mind how the Catholic hierarchy can maintain they do not demonstrate some partisanship when they dictate what a candidate must believe or support in order to get the Catholic vote.

For a country to have tolerance for  religion in its public life is one thing, but to dictate religious doctrine in public life is quite another. Is the Philippines a secular state where freedom of religion is allowed or is it a religious run state?

While the Philippine law does not permit divorce it does permit Legal separation which allows a couple to live apart and separate their assets, but they are not free to marry again. In fact, they face being charged with adultery if caught with another partner. I wonder how many Filipinos are forced to violate the law because of the Catholic hierarchy’s position on divorce.

Banning divorce in my opinion has not stopped couples from separating and starting new families. Banning divorce appears to me to have contributed to illegitimate births which may cause inheritance problems and certainly could cause emotional stigma for a child.  I have absolutely no problem with Catholic hierarchy requiring Catholics to follow their doctrine, but to attempt to impose their religious beliefs on non-Catholics is unjust to me. 

I have heard obtaining a civil and church annulment can take up to four years and $4000. That would likely be more than a years’ worth of income for the average mall worker. I wonder when forced to choose are they going to choose annulment or to ignore the law. In addition a married couple must have lived separately for five years or had a legal separation for two years before an annulment can be granted.

In 2012 there were only 10,528 people who applied for annulments in the Philippines. There were 476,408 marriages registered in 2011. I find it impossible to believe that only a little over 2% of the marriage ended. It is estimated 40 to 50% of marriages end in divorce/separation in First World countries and I do not believe that number would be much different in any country.

Could it be possible that divorce laws may make couples think twice before walking out on their marriages? Statistics show that the divorce rate in the U.S. in 1981 was 5.3 per 1000 people and in 2012 it had fallen to 3.6 per 1000 people.

The Catholic hierarchy in the Philippines does get involved in politics and governance in the Philippines. When the clergy called for civil unrest and even threatened to excommunicate President Aquino over contraception how can they say they do not. There is no proof that Catholic doctrine pertaining to separation and artificial birth control is even being followed by Catholics and to attempt to impose that on non-Catholics is unjust. 

I would not be surprised if sometime prior to the 2016 election there is a list floating around with the names of candidate that the Catholic hierarchy is supporting.  Of course the Catholic hierarchy will deny having anything to do with it like they did the banner flying from a Catholic church in one of the previous elections.

Is it just for religious leaders in a country that is supposed to have a democratic form of government to use threats of excommunication against any elected official, elected to represent ALL the people, in order to get what they want? 

The Church’s influence in the Philippines is diminishing. The power of social media is taking its toll. It might help the country if they put their devout Catholic past behind them and move toward a more secular state. Politics needs to go beyond religious groups and be more concerned with the needs of all the people regardless of religious affiliation. But, keep in mind no group gives up power without a fight and the Catholic hierarchy will not either.

Protestant denominations are growing in the Philippines and other predominantly Catholic nations like Mexico. How much of that growth could be contributed to the Catholic hierarchy’s desire for influence and control in the political arena. 

Obama and American Christians are failing Assyrian Christians.

 A small army of Assyrian Christians are fighting back against the advances of ISIS and they are depending heavily on the United States and other Christian nations to help them, but military help has not been forth coming.  There are Christian leaders in the United States meanwhile telling them to pray and telling us to pray for ISIS members and to love ISIS so much they will convert to Christianity.

I wonder if those Christian leaders, that want us to love ISIS to conversion and pray for their conversion, would be begging for military help or our love and prayers for ISIS if they were living in ISIS controlled areas. I know if I was in that group of Assyrian Christians fighting to save the lives of my family members, the lives of my neighbors and fighting to preserve my heritage I would be praying that Christians and Western Allies would provide me the military aid I desperately needed to defend my way of life. Talk is cheap unless you have a dog in the fight!

Obama argues that equipping and arming a rebel army would carry risks for the U.S. and other Western nations. I admit the advance of ISIS into Iraq demonstrated that risk. The Iraqi forces quickly surrendered and abandoned their American-made equipment when ISIS advanced upon them.

The United States has a track record of supporting the wrong people and the wrong fighters. I can recall Iran, Yemen, Vietnam, Egypt, Philippines, Syria, Saudi Arabia, Palestine, Afghanistan, Nigeria, Uganda, Bolivia, Cuba, Brunei, South Africa, Haiti, Guatemala, Honduras, El Salvador, Cambodia, Ethiopia, Rhodesia, Pakistan and the list goes on. Our leaders seem to have a penchant for supporting dictators are those in power right or wrong.

I would prefer we support those who are fighting for their own land, their own villages, their own cities and their own future. The Iraqi troops had no attachment to the land they were defending. The Assyrian Military Forces began fighting in the summer of 2014 and to this date they have not been adequately supported. They have a dog in the fight! The group started with just 12 fighters. Assyrian Christian women sold their wedding rings and other objects made of gold to finance the purchase of AK-14s and other munitions.

Assyrian Christians lived comfortable lives prior to the invasion and lost everything in one night when ISIS swept through. America support’s the Peshmerga, the Sunnis and the Yezidi, but not the Assyrian Christians of Nineveh? Are these bold speaking Christian’s leaders supporting The United Assyrian Appeal an organization that provides aid to the Assyrian military families who are fighting against ISIL/ISIS? I doubt it!   

"I am one of the servants of Allah.  We do our duty of fighting for the sake of the religion of Allah.  It is also our duty to send a call to all the people of the world to enjoy this great light and to embrace Islam and experience the happiness in Islam.  Our primary mission is nothing but the furthering of this religion. “Osama bin Laden.

Many Christian leaders would like to bury their heads in the sand or look for ways to modify Islamic radical terrorism to fit their own Christian beliefs, but the fact is that violent radical Islamic Muslims are quite clear about their religious goals. Their acts are done specifically in the name of Allah and for the cause of Islam and Islamic rule across the globe.

“The Taliban are simply a band of dedicated youths determined to establish the laws of Allah on earth... The Taliban will fight until there is no blood in Afghanistan left to shed, and Islam becomes a way of life for our people. “Mullah Omar, Taliban leader.

"Our animosity is based on religion.  We hate Americans for their secular ideology." Tehrik a Taliban spokesman.

"In the name of Allah the Avenger, I swear on the holy book to perform my sacred duty as a soldier of Islam in this Jihad to restore to this world the light of divine justice... Allah demands no less for me to die in the cause and be sent immediately to paradise." A Taliban official.

“Islam came for the good of humanity.  If someone doesn't like our good we fight them.” Faruq Khalil Muhammad in Canada.

“We are working until we make Allah's religion supreme and we live a precious life in the shadow of Islamic Sharia law, or else be rewarded with martyrdom in the cause of Allah.  We are plotting for the Chinese to suffer the torture of Allah, or else by our hands” Abdul Haq, leader of the Turkistan Islamic Party.

“The attack by the Islamic State in America is only the beginning of our efforts to establish a wiliyah [Islamic territory] in the heart of our enemy. Allah said those who fight you kill them wherever you find them." Statement by ISIS following the shooting massacre at San Bernardino.

How can the Islamic radical Muslims make themselves any clearer than they have? I stand with Reverend Frankly Graham.  We need to be praying for our country and Christians first. We need to be showing love and support for Christians around the world fighting to survive. Obama may think all religions are the same, but I do not. I apologize for Christian (Catholic crusades and inquisition) actions in the past, but that is the past and this is 2015. I know of no Christians taking delight in killing those of other religions like the radical Islamic Muslims are doing today. Christians who use violence against their enemies can expect no special reward from Jesus Christ.

I would also like to remind Obama and Ron Paul about the Islamic Crusades in 630 A.D. Muhammad invaded and conquered Mecca. Later on, Muslims invaded Syria, Iraq, Jerusalem, Iran, Egypt, Africa, Spain, Italy, France, etc. Obama and Ron Paul act as if the Christians are the only ones that conducted Crusades.

The Western Crusades started around 1095 to try and stop the Islamic aggressive invasions. In 1094 Byzantine emperor Alexius Comnenus I ask western Christendom for help against Seljuk (Muslim Turks) invasions of his territory. In 1095 Pope Urban II agreed to help.

It is estimated that Islam has killed at least 270 million people: 120 million Africans, 60 million Christians, 80 million Hindus, 10 million Buddhists, etc. and forced conversions to Islam has been the norm, across three continents—Asia, Africa, and Europe—for over 13 centuries.

Defeat of ISIS is the only thing that will slow down Radical Islamic Muslim Terrorist. Only one thing will possibly stop Radical Islamic Muslim Terrorist and that is for Moderate Islamic Muslims to take up the fight and I do not see that happening.  They are like some American Christian leaders all talk and no action.

Don't fight ISIS - Islamic radical terrorist love them!

I just read an article written by JR Vassar the lead pastor, Church at the Cross, Grapevine, Texas.  He claims, “I am saddened by the tendency of some Christians to call for the sending of missiles upon our nation’s enemies more than to pray for the sending of missionaries to the hardest places.” When is he leaving for Syria, Iraq or Afghanistan? I am capable of praying for both.

He admits, “The Islamic State is a horrific evil and must be stopped. The destruction it is bringing on innocent life and human civilization is heartbreaking and should fill us with righteous indignation. Likely, it will take the international community to defeat the Islamic State, and it will almost certainly mean military conflict.” Who does he expect to volunteer for the military conflict non-Christians?

He is, “… grieved that some influential pastors and Christian leaders eagerly call for the bombing of regions that will inevitably lead to the destruction of human life (innocent image-bearers who suffer as collateral damage), and do so without tears and a broken heart.” I do not know of any Christian leader that would call for the bombing of ISIS if they thought there was another way.  I also do not think any Christian leader has ever called for the destruction of ISIS without having a heavy heart when doing so.

He suggested we, “Pray for our enemies and desire their salvation.” He claims God would want us to show them mercy and give them an opportunity to repent. He knows that is what God would want us Christians to do. If he believes in the literal translation of the Bible he must know that God called for the destruction of innocent women, children and animals of the Israelites enemies. I do not believe in the literal translation of the Bible so I think it was more the men of Israel that wanted their destruction, rather than God, but they may have thought that was what God wanted them to do.  The same as Reverend Vassar thinks he knows what God wants us to do as it pertains to the terrorist. If God wanted the enemies of the Israelites destroyed, but does not want our enemies destroyed does that mean God loved the Israelites more than He loves us?

He went on to write, “Our call is to follow the command and example of Jesus who told us to love our enemies and pray for them, and who himself laid his life down for his enemies, even praying for their forgiveness as they killed him. Again, if we are calling for missiles, but not praying for missionaries, we have lost touch with the heart of God.” I am sorry, but I am not prepared to have my throat cut by the followers of ISIS and honestly I do not think he is either. It is easy for him to write or say the things he does from Grapevine, Texas. I guess if his wife and children were caught in a terrorist situation he would prefer to allow them to be slaughtered than try to kill his enemy.

Jesus was not fighting a foreign enemy He was trying to reform His own people – the Jews. Jesus did not have a military, but he had no problem displaying his anger in the temple turning over the tables of the money changers. King David had a military given to him by God and he certainly used it. If we are going to use Biblical comparison King David and his enemies are more like our enemy ISIS and Muslim terrorist than Jesus and His enemies. If it was Protestants and Catholics (Ireland) fighting over differences I would agree with Reverend Vassar, but it is not. It is good versus evil!  

He admits that as we pray to God we know there will never be peace on this earth, “…we know that ultimately complete peace and justice are a world away, in the new heavens and new earth.”

He says, “We do not need to fear Muslims, but love them, befriend them, and seek to share the good news of Jesus with them.” I do love some Muslims, those that are not trying to kill me, my caregiver is Muslim.

I probably have more experience dealing with Muslims than he does, since I have lived on the Island of Mindanao in the Philippines for the past ten years. I live in Davao, but I am not about to travel to Cotobato or Sula where Muslim terrorist are kidnapping foreigners regularly. I welcome him to come to Southern Mindanao at any time and love the Muslim terrorist and the Communist insurgents to the peace table. The Philippine government has been trying to do it for thirty years and have failed.

 “We are not Americans first, but Christians first. We belong to a kingdom that is not of this world — a kingdom with no boundaries or borders. We may disagree on policy or diplomacy, but infinitely more important is that we agree on Jesus, his rule, and his great love for his people and for this world. We don’t have to be divided by our lesser loyalties when we are united by our greatest loyalty.” This all sounds good, but it is not realistic when it comes to dealing with terrorist in 2015. I do not think God intends for us to let Islamic terrorist cut our heads off, destroy our religion, invade our country and not resist.

I think a diplomatic solution would be impossible with groups like ISIS or other groups of Islamic Muslim Terrorist. Reverend Vassar wrote Jesus faced radicals and He did not try to kill them if I am not mistaken Jesus was killed.  Jesus knew pain, suffering, persecution and terrorism first hand is Reverend Vassar willing to do the same, is he willing to sacrifice his family without a fight, I am not.

If men like Reverend Vassar had reached out to the young men that make up ISIS and other terrorist groups a decade ago maybe we would not be in the mess we are in today. I think Reverend Vassar should consider that perhaps the church failed in reaching out to the Arabs in the Middle East.

Paul was once a terrorist killing Christians just at ISIS is doing today and he came to accept Christ as his Savior so there is hope. But, who is willing to go today and try to convert ISIS members. Is Reverend Vassar willing, if not he should not be so asking someone else to.

Jesus’ way of putting His enemies in their place was by shaming them. How does Reverend Vassar propose that we shame ISIS?

Christian leaders should have taken more seriously education reform, business opportunities, economic reforms and employment opportunities in Iraq, Syria, Pakistan, Africa and Afghanistan and maybe there would be no ISIS today. Was Reverend Vassar pushing for those reforms prior to now?

I am not Reverend Pat Robertson and I do not say, “Convert or die”. I would like to see them convert to Christianity, but that is not a requirement for me to have peace. But, I do not think it is possible for us now to love the members of ISIS to a negotiated peace. I say that because they are telling us, “Convert or die”.

The Iraqi Christians since 2003 until about 2014 were known for being passive. They finally realized they could no longer be passive and stay alive. Unfortunately they began to stand up for their religious liberty and their freedom too late. Are Americans being ask to do the same by religious leaders like Reverend Vassar? Are we going to wait for ISIS to tell us to convert, pay a tax or die as they did the Christians in Mosul? Did not Obama take the passive role and allow ISIS to grow stronger, accomplish more evil and kill more Christians?

I am not for the destruction of ISIS only because they are killing Christians. I am for the destruction of ISIS because I am against any group of people that practice genocide against a weaker group of people.

ISIS is nothing more than a gang like those in any large city in the United States that kill people in order to expand their territory.  They both are criminals (terrorists) who are determined to murder people in order to gain control. They must be stopped and I truly believe God condemns their actions.

I do not believe God expects us to only pray and take no defensive action against them. Most of us do not sit back and refuse to work and expect God to feed us. Most of us do not refuse to take preventive action to maintain our health simply because we believe God can heal us. Most of us would not sit down on the couch and watch while a robber took our belongings and possibly raped our wife and do nothing but pray. Why do some Christians expect us to only pray and take no military action to protect our families, neighbors, country and us?

I believe in prayer and I have no doubt that pray is powerful, but I also believe God expects us to take action along with prayer. Why don’t we just stop being charitable and pray to God to take care of the poor, orphans and widows?  

You are marrying their past if you want to admit it or not.

Today more and more people are getting married without knowing anything about their partner’s present family or their childhood family relationships. I could not begin to tell you the number of times I have been told, “I am not marrying his or her family I am marrying them.”  You are marrying his or her past childhood family relationships and sometimes present family relationships if you want to admit it or not. We learn how to live in relationships from our families.

Here is a true story from a man whose father was an alcoholic, ““I want so much to trust that love isn’t going to cost me in the long run. I grew up with a father who loved me to death when he was sober, but beat me when he was drunk. I tried to anticipate when it would be safe to be close to him, but I was usually wrong. He had two sides, as I guess most people do, but they were nothing like each other. I still always wanted his approval and I think I’m looking for that in my relationships. But I keep pulling away when someone gives too much. I keep waiting to be clobbered. Better just not to get too close.”

That anticipation of waiting to be clobbered prevented him from establishing trust in any personal relationship. Anyone who marries him, without him working out his own childhood demons, is marrying remnants of his father. If you think that is not important to your relationship or marriage you have better think again.

I am the product of a good man who was an alcoholic. People would have thought our life was charmed, but it wasn’t. My mother was an enabler and taught us at an early age how to keep the family secret. He provided all the material things we could possibly ever need or want. Our emotional needs were never met. It was like walking on egg shells in our home. We never knew what would set him off. There was no physical abuse, but there was mental abuse, name calling, humiliation, cursing, etc. If you think mental abuse cannot be as damaging as physical abuse you are wrong. I think you can get over childhood physical abuse easier than mental abuse.

I knew from the time I started dating that something was wrong with me when it came to maintaining personal relationships, but I could not put my finger on the problem. I reasoned that I became bored easily and always wanted something new. Years later I was in Galveston, Texas and picked up a small book in a used bookstore title, “Children of alcoholics”. I thumbed through the book and was intrigued. I purchased the book and went to a nearby park and sat down and read the entire book. I finally knew what was wrong with me, my childhood family relationships, had doomed my future relationships.

I learned when children are raised in environments where love is associated with fear, they have only two choices. The first is to tolerate the pain in order to get the love that goes with it and the second is to run from the pain and go without love. I was like a deer in headlights and had hoped that things would resolve themselves and it was not happening.  I had no problem attracting love, but I always ran before the anticipated betrayal occurred.  If there was to be any breaking up I wanted to be the one to end the relationship. I could not handle rejection.

I would always begin the relationship giving the love I did not get from my father, but in the back of my mind the fear of rejection loomed. I would test my partner to see if they really loved me. The testing needless to say always damaged the relationship.

This is the response of the partner to the young man I mentioned earlier, “I think I’m doing everything to make him feel loved and cared for, but just when I’m gaining ground, he finds just one thing I did wrong and sees me as having a hidden agenda to rip him off. Sometimes he tells me he’s never felt so loved and accepted and that’s what keeps me going. Then, he turns on me. It’s so incredibly frustrating. I don’t know how much more I can give and never be trusted.” This could easily have been the comments of any of my partners.

I wanted to trust my partner without being in control of my every thought and action, but I felt more secure with them knowing the least they could about my needs and desires, because I felt that gave them less control over me. Every time I seem to open up and let my partner in I got hurt. If I wasn’t hurting I was wondering when they would hurt me. I generally would run before they had a chance to do so.   

It is hard to believe that my being hard to get close to actually attracted some people to me. I guess it was a challenge for them, a game to see who would win. The harder they tried the more I looked for a reason to run. I feared being dominated. The sad thing is some of them, maybe most of them, may have been sincere in their love for me and had no interest in controlling me. I may have misread their trying to be close to me as wanting to control me. If that was the case I was the looser.  

I never wanted to be obligated to anyone and always felt if my partner gave me too much I would be obligated to them. Whatever they gave me I had to give better in return in order not to feel obligated. So many times I have mentioned I wanted something and when my partner wanted to get it for me I would pretend I no longer wanted it. I always made sure that my partner was getting more out of the relationship than me because I did not want to feel trapped or owing when I did run.

I was familiar with past relationships where I was burned by people who used coercion, guilt, or threats to try and keep me in a relationship and I did not want to repeat those experiences. I had accepted their offers of attention and gifts only to find out later that those behaviors were attached to expected entitlements in return.

I began to build relationships with people I knew were weaker than me, had less than me, were not as intelligent as me thinking they would not try to control me. If there was to be any controlling done I would be the controller. That did not work because the relationships did not stimulate me.

People who have had their boundaries violated as children or in prior relationships build strong walls around them. They feel that the only way they are safe is to never let a partner know what they are feeling. They especially, do not want a partner to know or think they may need them. It makes no difference that we may want to be loved and feel secure we just cannot do it because of the fear of rejection. It is hard work pretending you do not care as much as you do.

We may act as if nothing our partners offer matters that much, but secretly inside it matters a lot. Outwardly we can act quite indifferent when inwardly we are enjoying the gifts. We have to keep our guard up at all times for the anticipated rejection that surely will come later. We may act like separation does not matter when in reality it feels like our world is ending.

When a person can’t love because of childhood trauma, past failures or anticipation of hurt, they are frustrating to their partners. Human beings live in harmony by creating an atmosphere of giving and receiving. They learn rhythms of sharing and exchange that builds trust and future expectations. When one person gives and the other either doesn’t take it, or pretends not to, the imbalance will eventually harm the relationship.

If you are a person who cannot let love in, you can change. The first step is to recognize what you are doing. The second is to share those underlying reasons and your desire to change with your current partner if you are in a relationship. The third is to challenge your old behaviors as you observe them happening and choose to take a different path. Over time and with lots of work - I found counseling extremely helpful - your interactions will become more authentic, you will begin to feel the joy of living your life without the need to protect yourself by keeping love away.

I am not saying that a time will come when you do not have to work at not reverting back to your old ways, at least I did not find that to be the case. You may also begin to over compensate like I did and tend to stay in toxic relationships far too long because you want to make sure you are not slipping back into your old patterns. 

Those that are thinking of marrying a person that you know nothing about their family interactions or childhood and think they are not important let me warn you - you are making a terrible mistake and if you do not think it matters you are living in a fantasy world.

Those from dysfunction background need to get help before they marry after they marry it is generally too late.

Reconciliation is more important than gifts at Christmas

This Christmas was difficult for me. I posted a blog a few days ago about “toxic friendships” and said there were two friendships that I must end before 2016. I still intend to end those relationships, but in my heart I feel a tugging by God that it is not the “Christian” thing to do.

The thought of walking away and not attempting to reconcile, one more time, has brought me lots of pain. I cannot help recall that Jesus Christ suffered, and died in order that I could be reconciled with God the Father.

I know if I even attempted to reconcile they would say they did not intend to make me feel as I do and that I misunderstood their actions. That is what they have said many times before. They will give an insincere apology that does not come with change. I have traveled that road many times over the past eight years with them and I just do not want to travel it again. I do not want to pretend any longer that we have a relationship that we do not have.

I debated all Christmas day if I should take the long road back or just take another path in 2016.  Reconciliation with them would not be comfortable and honestly seems pointless.

But, I feel I need to try to reconcile not for my relationship with them, but for my relationship with God.  Reconciliation is so much a part of our Christian faith.

“Peace on earth and mercy mild God and sinners reconcile” – it is easy to sing about, but when it comes to sinner and sinner reconciling that is not always so easy to do. I can think of many reasons not to reconcile with them, but then I recall all the things I have done that God could use as reasons not to reconcile with me. 

I know the Bible and that makes it even more difficult because I know the scriptures that point out my sins. I know when I mistreat someone God loves I mistreat God. When I am unreconciled with one that God loves I am unreconciled with Him. I believe Christ in many ways said we cannot be reconciled with God if we are not reconciled with our brothers and sisters. God loves them as He loves me!

“If you come to my altar to offer your sacrifice and you remember you are not reconciled with a brother or sister leave your gift and go reconcile with them and then return and offer your gift to me.” God makes it difficult to not be at peace with others, but how can you be at peace with others when peace means nothing to them if they are not getting exactly what they want from you. What about tough love?

The true meaning of Christmas is the baby Jesus who is our reconciliation with God. But, I am sure they have never thought about that so why should I – I know that is secular response and not the Christian response.

I am praying for help from the Holy Spirit, because on my own, I cannot sweep past hurt under the rug any longer.

If God and sinner can be reconciled then how can Christians withhold the offer of reconciliation to others even if they do not accept it or simply do not care? I want to challenge you to do the right thing today – to do what God would want you to do – not what I am presently doing. If you are thinking of someone that you are at odds with right now at least consider reconciling with them. I can testify to the fact that if you are a Christian being unreconciled with others does bring pain!  I want to do what Christ did for me, but at the moment I just cannot bring myself to do it – the dysfunction is just too great.

“The pursued of peace without the promise of peace is never a waste of time.”  Knowing the right thing to do (reconciling) and doing it is difficult sometimes even for ministers. Keep that in mind in 2016 if you ever feel your minister has failed you – he or she is human just like you - they may think you failed them. 

Christmas is over and now it is time to think about New Year resolutions.

 Many ancient traditions celebrate the beginning of a New Year with an emphasis on renewal or re-birth, but the New Year’s resolution as a means of self-improvement may be uniquely American. New Year resolutions are most likely a legacy from our Protestant forefathers. Originally, the tradition had a religious attitude, but now we celebrate a more secularized version of the original tradition. Early Protestantism emphasized hard work and the denial of worldly pleasure. They believed material wealth and worldly success were favors from God.

Our secular New Year’s resolutions may have its roots in ‘watch night services’. Watch night services were made popular by the Methodist church in the 18^th century in England as a way of ringing in the New Year in a more spiritual way as opposed to partying all night.

The services were a chance to reflect on the past year and make spiritual resolutions for the coming year. The practice spread to other denominations and the resolutions began to reflect Protestant ideals like emotional and physical restraint in the face of life’s indulgences.

Only countries with an English-speaking, Protestant background like Australia, England, Wales, Scotland, Northern Ireland and South Africa, had a strong tradition of making Spiritual New Year’s resolutions, while other countries did not.

Exactly when secularized New Year’s resolutions came to be popular, or whether they originated in England or the United States is unknown. Secular New Year’s Resolutions do not tend to take on a religious nature, instead they are more about things like losing weight, going to the gym, walking or running, spend less save more, enjoy life more, stop smoking, spend more time with family, take a course, fall in love, etc. Resolutions tend to reflect attitudes trending in society at the time.

There is no difference between December 31 and January 1. Nothing mystical occurs at midnight on December 31. The Bible does not speak for or against the concept of New Year’s resolutions. But, there is something about the start of a new year that gives us the feeling of a fresh start and a new beginning.

Christian New Year’s resolutions should include: to read the Bible every day, to attend church more regularly, to be more charitable, to be more forgiving, to be more loving. These are all fantastic goals for Christians. However, these New Year’s resolutions fail just as often as the non-spiritual resolutions, because there is no power in a New Year’s resolution. Resolving to start or stop doing a certain activity has no value, unless you have the proper motivation for stopping or starting that activity. For example, why do you want to read the Bible every day? Is it to honor God and grow spiritually, or is it because you have just heard that it is a good thing to do? Why do you want to lose weight? Is it to honor God with your body, or is it for vanity, to honor yourself?

What should Christians do in preparation before making New Year resolutions: (1) pray to the Lord for wisdom in regards to what resolutions, if any, He would have you make; (2) pray for wisdom as to how to fulfill the goals God gives you; (3) determine to rely on God’s strength to help you; (4) find an accountability partner who will help you and encourage you; (5) make a decision not to become discouraged with occasional failures and (6) be prepared to share the success with God.

If God is the center of your New Year’s resolution, it has a chance for success, depending on your commitment to it. If it is God’s will for something to be fulfilled, He will enable you to fulfill it. If a resolution is not God honoring and/or is not in agreement in God’s Word, we will not receive God’s help in fulfilling the resolution.

I think good New Year’s resolution focus on you and others and do not exclude either.  

Major organizations that are successful at least annually evaluate themselves. They look at where they are strong. They look at where they are weak. Why would individual not do the same? After evaluating yourself you can make healthy resolutions. A resolution is really nothing more than a goal.

After evaluation and making a resolution you are not finished in fact, you have just begun. Diligence and patients is required to succeed. Success lies in committing yourself to your resolution until you accomplish it. Lots of people have hopes for keeping their resolutions, but only about 40% do. The others are not patient and diligent enough to follow through.

You now know the process to get started and to follow through, but I must warn you ‘free will’ is a real demon. Nothing good comes easy. With God’s help you can select the proper resolutions and keep it and when December 2016 rolls around you will find your life is better for it.

You can make Christmas happy or sad for others.

Christmas can be one of the happiest times of the year and it can be the unhappiest. Christmas brings back memories of the past and those memories can be good or bad. Christmas can be a time when people come together with family and friends or a time when people find themselves alone. This is especially true for the elderly, but it is also true for the young and middle age.  

Early in my ministry I got acquainted with nursing home ministry. I discovered a world that I did not know existed. I was shocked to discover elderly people being warehoused in nursing homes simply because their families did not want to be bothered with them. The elderly person had served their purpose, born them, and supported them through their childhood with clothes, medical needs, transportation, education, love, shelter and companionship. The young had no need for the elderly any longer because the young were not intellectual enough to realize the elderly had wisdom to share with them that only comes through experience. 

I have mentioned this to children that were neglecting their elderly parents and have been told, “I did not ask to be born”, “They only did what parents are expected to do”, “I cannot help they did not prepare for old age”, “I have my own life and children”, I am just too busy trying to survive”, etc.

I must also add there are situation when nursing home facilities serve a real need and provide care that can not be provided at home. If children decide on nursing home care because it is in the best interest of the parent and do not neglect them the children should not feel guilty for making the decision to do so.

One of the nursing homes I visited weekly in Houston had many elderly that were there for the right reasons, but there were some there for the wrong reasons. One Greek man who had founded a restaurant in Houston and passed it on to his son had no visitors for years. The son, daughter-in-law and grandson lived within blocks of the nursing home in the elderly man’s elegant home.  The man was neglected by the nursing home staff because they knew no one ever visited him.

On Christmas Eve 1978 I carried Communion to the nursing home and found him tied in a wheelchair, soaked in urine and complained to the staff. The staff showed little interest so on the way back to the parish I stopped at the elderly man’s home where the son was now living. I knocked and the college age grandson came to the door. I ask for his father and was told his dad and mother was on holiday in Paris, France. I ask the young man if he had visited his grandfather in the nursing home and he said, “No, did you come to tell me he is dead.” The grandson showed no emotion whatsoever. I saw no one cared about the elderly man. I left a Christmas gift with the grandson for his father, a business card with this notation, “Check on your father regularly or I will go to the newspaper”, Fr. Tom.

When they returned from their holiday in Paris I got the response I expected, threats of a lawsuit.  I stood my grounds and they started checking on the elderly man and later sent me a letter thanking me for bringing to their attention that the nursing home was not giving the care they were paying for.  Not one word that they were in anyway responsible. I suppose their lawyer advised them that would be the best thing to do.

I could give many more examples of elderly being neglected by their families in nursing homes and in their own homes. What most Americans do not know is that studies reveal the wealthy are less likely than others to look after their elderly parents. The wealthy visit their elderly parents less and call them less than others. Research found twice as many well-off individuals were ignoring their elderly relatives than those earning ordinary or below average pay. This research makes clear money is not the primary issue in not caring for elderly parents.

A YouGov poll of 1,008 children, 45 to 60 year olds, with elderly parents, found 500 parents over 65, felt neglected by their children. This poll also revealed that the children with the lowest incomes did more for their parents.

Many psychiatrists believe loneliness is one of the largest contributors to psychiatric illnesses in young and old.  God created us to connect to other humans and when we are disconnected; our souls shatter into a thousand little pieces.

I have heard it said a thousand times that crazy people prefer to live on the streets and be homeless. I do not agree with that. I think loneliness and homelessness is what makes people on the street crazy.

People in solitary confinement, deprived of interaction with other people, begin to doubt everything, including their own existence. The same is true of the elderly robbed of interaction with other human being. Americans tend to think of ourselves as self-sufficient, self-made individuals. But that’s not really true. God called us into existence and at the same time called us to be in relationships with other people. Other human beings play an important role in us keeping our sense of identity intact. Many do not realize how important hearing our name spoken by others is to maintaining our sense of identity.

We all have or had parents and we all came into this world completely helpless and needy. Many often forget that fact as they grow into adulthood and begin to make their own decisions and creating their own lives.  It is contributing to a sense of peculiar loneliness in modern societies. Modern societies have begun to want their own personal space and it results in isolation.

The rise of social media and digital communications cannot end loneliness. We can be lonely in a crowd and especially now in a digital crowd. A lot of modern technology encourages individual isolation. The other night I watched a group of adults in a restaurant. There were six people and all had their cell phones out playing games while waiting for their food. People are finding it more and more difficult to carry on conversations and technology is being used to keep them from having to.

Have you ever stopped to think that prior to newspapers people got their news at the local pub from each other? Newspapers came along and they began to get their news alone at home. They did not even have to leave home to get the newspaper it was tossed at their front door in the morning or night.  Many of us did not see the face of our dad at breakfast because he was hid behind the newspaper making conversation with him impossible. In our home my mother was an enabler by telling us when we arrived at the table, “Now you know your father is trying to read the newspaper before he has to go to work”.

Prior to air condition we sat out on our porches trying to get cool in the evenings. We engaged in conversation with those on the porch with us and the neighbors that walked by. Sometimes the houses were so close we conversed with the neighbors on the next porch. Prior to central heat the family sat around the fire place to keep warm and the close proximity brought on conversation. Technology has had good and bad effects on modern society often without us realizing it. We do not want to give up modern conveniences, but we need to take intentional actions to correct the negative effects they may have upon us.

Have you ever thought how television taught us not to look face to face with friends and family? As we gather around the television we are all looking at a screen and not looking at one another. We need to set aside time for games, prayer, and conversation without modern technology interrupting.

We must recognize the positive side of communication technology. It allows us to connect in ways that we’ve never before been able to be connected. We can have friends, even good friends, in every part of the country, even every part of the world. We can keep in touch with distant family members. I have a good friend that I have not seen in ten years, but we stay in touch weekly. Our friendship is as solid today as it was when I left the United States January 1, 2005 thanks to modern technology.

The key is to be aware of the downside of technology and to take steps to minimize the damage and counteract it. We certainly should be teaching our kids by our own examples how to use technology correctly and not lose face to face communication skills, not become isolated and the proper times to and not to use modern technology.

There are emotions revealed by physical expressions that emails and telephone calls with words will never be able to correctly demonstrate. We should keep this in mind when sensitive subjects are to be discussed and we can meet with the other party face to face. Humans will never thrive without physical contact we were not created by God to do so.

Our mega churches today often contribute to loneliness. They are just too large for us to build personal relationship with one another. Gone are the days of church ice cream socials, dinner on the ground, pot luck dinners, etc. When a congregation gets larger than 300 it begins to lose the family gathering place atmosphere and begins to take on an entertainment gathering place atmosphere. Some mega churches stress small groups to try and overcome that problem.

Pastors of mega churches generally are not the ones to visit the sick, unless they are large contributors to the church. The man or woman that delivers the message has staff of ministers that visit the sick and does the counseling. The pastor is the church celebrity that the admirers only get to listen to and see from a distance.

When a minister on staff visits the sick they generally have to introduce themselves to the person that is ill and to his or her family. They may have never seen that particular minister before. There is no personal relationship with the person from the church when you need it the most. But, most people choose mega churches for the entertainment value and they do not want personal relationships with anyone at church.  We are becoming a society that chooses isolation and then we wonder why we are having so many societal problems.

If you have not visited a loved one that lives close by, especially the elderly, this is the season of the year to do it. Perhaps if we begin in January 2016 to try and develop communication skills, face to face contact and break our addiction to modern technology Christmas 2016 will not be as lonely for some.

Keep in mind loneliness/isolation is tied to hardening of the arteries, which leads to high blood pressure, inflammation in the body, and even problems with learning and memory. Loneliness/isolation damages the immune system. Loneliness/isolation doesn't just make people feel unhappy; it actually makes them feel unsafe, mentally and physically. Social isolation and loneliness appears to be associated with a greater risk of dying, but isolation is more damaging to ones health than just loneliness. If you are neglecting a loved one, especially an elderly love one, you are doing more harm to them than you may realize!

Looking for signs that God can still use me!

My health has deteriorated drastically over the last two years. My mind wants to do the things I once did, but my body will not allow it. I try to continue to go to church on Sundays because I have a strong desire to do so and go to the mall coffee shop a few times a week to satisfy friends. Each and every time I do I wonder if it is really worth it? Personally, it is too much of a struggle and drains me of every ounce of energy that I have, not to mention the chest pain and shortness of breath.

Lately something small always happens that causes me to make negative comments. Things that once would not have bothered me now drive me nuts. Little things like people eating with their hands in nice restaurants instead of using utensils, unattended children in the coffee shop splashing your coffee as they run and hit your table, people who see you walking to get in a taxi and know you are walking with a cane and assistance from someone else, but will run and get the taxi ahead of you.  I spiral downward and seem to be unable not to make nasty comments.

I then regret going out of the house. I begin to think I gave my life to Christ wanting to be used by Him, but I expected to serve out of my strength and not my weakness. It is hard to serve when you no longer feel adequate to do so.

As usual for this time of year I began to study the Christmas story. It hit me yesterday how Mary must have felt. I did a piece sometime back that I did not understand why people think the birth of Christ was a walk in the park for Mary.

How many friends and neighbors do you think really believed Mary was a virgin?  Her pregnancy must have been a scandal and the focal point of gossipers. Her family must have felt disgraced. Joseph at first did not even believe God had called Mary to give birth to Christ.

I wonder if Mary at times thought I did not sign on for this public humiliation. Did she ever say, ‘you are God why can’t you handle this better?’ Do you think Mary ever ask God will this one day get better? After all Mary was mortal, not a god.

I just do not believe Mary was totally jubilant as she struggled, pregnant, the last eighty miles to Bethlehem. She may have said some unkind words at times. She had no one to make the trip easier except Joseph. I know we vision her riding upon a donkey because that is what we see in pictures, but the Bible says nothing about a donkey. I believe Mary walked the eighty miles. How many pregnant women about to give birth do you know that would or could go on an eighty mile hike?

Why was Joseph’s family not traveling with them? They were required to go to Bethlehem for the census just as Joseph was. Do you think the family may not have wanted to be seen with them because they were ashamed of Mary’s pregnancy? All we really know is there was no prearranged place for them to stay. Joseph must have had family that lived in Bethlehem. No one seems to have felt an obligation to give up their bed for a pregnant woman.   

Did Mary not wonder why God had not intervened to make things easier for her? Scripture does not record that this birth was anything other than ordinary. It appears to me to have been a bloody and painful birth as all births are.  She gave birth and the baby was placed in swaddling cloth as all babies were at the time. It seems to have been a normal human birthing.

It would have been normal for family to have been present for the birth. The Bible records Mary and Joseph were alone. It makes no mention of family. Why did the family choose to stay away? Do you not think this would have made the situation even more difficult for a new mother?

I am not a woman, but I have counsel with lots of pregnant women. I have never met a woman about to give birth or has just given birth that her body chemistry was normal. All sorts of things must have gone through Mary’s mind – is this place safe, is this place clean, where do I lay the baby, God is this what you really planned for us and is this really the Son of God?

Signs in the Bible were significant. Can you imagine how relieved Mary must have been when the shepherds came and told Mary and Joseph all that had happened? Angels had proclaimed their child’s birth. The shepherds were Mary’s confirmation that her baby was the Son of God.

The Shepherd’s needed a sign to let them know they were in the right place. They were told: “…you will find a baby wrapped in swaddling clothes and lying in a manger.” The messy, dirty, smelly feeding trough was the sign that God used to show the shepherds where the Savior lay.

Mary needed a sign, the shepherds needed a sign and we sometimes need a sign in order to know that we are still in God’s will. That God is still with us and we are still being used by God. I just posted a piece on Mother Teresa and she had been looking for a sign before her death.

But what if the confirmation or sign from God is that things will continue to get more difficult and more humbling than we expected? The opposite of what we wanted? What if the confirmation or sign is that God is with us in our lonely/hard places, but things will remain hard and lonely? What if the confirmation or sign is our manger?

When our plans are falling apart, our lives feel unimportant and we are hoping for something better/easier, perhaps we are exactly where God wants us to be. That is what I have to accept and Mother Teresa had to accept, but it is sometimes difficult to accept that God knows best, but we must.

So as I grief over my weakness and disappointments, I recall the manger. My suffering is not pretty. It’s painful and humbling, but with the Holy Spirit's help I can still glorify God.

God can use our pain and humiliation to bring him the greatest glory. God’s kingdom does not operate as our earthly kingdom does: “The last shall be first, the weak shall be strong, and the foolish shall shame the wise.” Those are strange principles for humans, but strange or not that is what Christians are called to accept as a way of life.  

I am called with the help of the Holy Spirit to show strength to others in this time of weakness. I am called to show that I can maintain faith in these times of trials. I am called to demonstrate that I still have hope. I am called to allow God to use me in spite of my circumstances the same as Mary and Mother Teresa.

Losing my temper, replying with unkind words, being impatient does not help me or others and it certainly prevents God from using me. So, this Christmas season and every day that follows I will try harder than I have in recent months to be what God wants me to be while continuing to look for a sign that God still has a use for me.

Mother Teresa - Saint to the poorest of the poor!

Mother Teresa, a tiny framed nun who did great things for the poorest of the poor in the slums of India and beyond, nicknamed the 'Saint of the Gutters’, will be declared a saint next year after Pope Francis approved a miracle attributed to her intercession. The canonization in the Vatican will probably take place on September 4, 2016. That will be the nineteenth anniversary of her death.

Pope Francis approved a decree attributing a second miracle to Mother Teresa, clearing the path for the nun to be elevated to sainthood.  The miracle was approved during an audience with the head of the Vatican's department on saints  on Thursday, his 79th birthday. Pope Francis has dedicated his ministry to ministering to the poor just as Mother Teresa did. He admires and respects Mother Teresa. He met her personally in 1994. He knew her to be a strong woman that would not be pushed around by bishops. It is only fitting that Francis be the Pope to canonize Mother Teresa.

The second miracle was the cure of a Brazilian man suffering from a viral brain infection that resulted in multiple abscesses. By Dec. 9, 2008, he was in a coma and dying, suffering from an accumulation of fluid around the brain. Thirty minutes before the man was due to undergo surgery, he sat up, awake and without pain. The surgery did not take place and a day later the man was declared to be symptom-free by medical doctors. We (Catholics) do not believe that Mother Teresa caused the miracle, God caused the miracle and Mother Teresa was the intercessor.

The Vatican attributed the cure to the fervent prayers to Mother Teresa's intercession by the man's wife, who at the time of his scheduled surgery was at her parish church praying alongside her pastor.

The traditional Roman Catholic canonization procedure requires at least two medical miracles. One before a deceased Catholic can be declared “blessed,” and another occurring after that declaration then he or she can be canonized as a saint. The miracles must be confirmed by a medical team of doctors. They must find that there is no scientific reason for the healing.

She was beatified in 2003 after Pope John Paul II recognized her first miracle. He believed the healing of a seriously ill Indian woman of a tumor was the result of Mother Teresa's intervention. Pope John Paul II, one of Mother Teresa's greatest supporters, in 1999 waived the normal five-year waiting period for her beatification process to begin and launched it a year after she died. The process leading up to the sainthood has been the shortest in modern history. Normally it takes 100 years or more to be declared a saint by the Vatican.

Mother Theresa was born Agnes Gonxha Bojaxhiu, on Aug. 26, 1910, in Skopje, Macedonia, to an Albanian family. Mother Teresa joined the Loreto order of nuns in 1928. In 1946, while traveling by train from Calcutta to Darjeeling, she was inspired to form the Missionaries of Charity order.

The order was established four years later in 1950 and at the time of her death, September 5, 1997, her Missionaries of Charity order had nearly 4,000 nuns and ran roughly 600 orphanages, soup kitchens, homeless shelters and clinics around the world.

Mother Teresa won the Nobel Peace Prize in 1979 for her work with Calcutta's destitute and ill. She described herself as, "By blood, I am Albanian, by citizenship an Indian, by faith, I am a Catholic nun. As to my calling, I belong to the world. As to my heart, I belong entirely to the Heart of Jesus."

Mother Teresa did not always receive praises from the public. She was often criticized for accepting money from people with questionable backgrounds.  She was also criticized for the quality of care in her clinics by an Indian-born physician living in England. She was criticized for her political ties. She was even called a hypocrite.  

She accepted donations from Haitian dictator Jean-Claude Duvalier (an ex-priest) in 1981. She flew to Haiti to accept the Legion d'Honneur from the right-wing dictator, who, after his ouster, was found to have stolen millions of dollars from the impoverished country.

She accepted money from the British publisher Robert Maxwell and it was later revealed he embezzled UK£450 million from his employees' pension funds. There is no suggestion that she was aware of any theft before accepting the donation.

She accepted money from American financier Charles Keating who was later charged with fraud following high profile business failures. Keating donated millions of dollars to Mother Teresa and lent her his private jet when she visited the United State.

Detractors also opposed her stand against the use of birth control in Calcutta's slums, which followed the Catholic Church’s teachings.

 After Indian Prime Minister Indira Gandhi's suspension of civil liberties in 1975, Mother Teresa said: "People are happier. There are more jobs. There are no strikes." These comments were seen as a result of her friendship with the Congress Party and she was widely criticized for the remarks.

She was accused of encouraging members of her order to secretly baptize dying patients, without regard to their religion. Susan Shields, a former member of the Missionaries of Charity, wrote that "Sisters were told to ask each person in danger of death if he wanted a 'ticket to heaven'. An affirmative reply was to mean consent to baptism. The sister was then to pretend that she was just cooling the patient’s head with a wet cloth, while in fact, she was baptizing them, saying quietly the necessary words. Secrecy was important so that it would not come to be known that Mother Teresa’s sisters were baptizing Hindus and Muslims.”

She was criticized for spending too much time and money on trying to convert people to the Catholic faith. The Assembly of God Church was supposed to have been doing more charity work in India than Mother Teresa’s organization.  

Mother Teresa died in 1997. Despite her request that all writing and correspondence be destroyed, a collection was posthumously released to the public in book form by a priest. Her writings revealed that she struggled with feelings of disconnectedness that were in contrast to the strong feelings she had experienced as a young novice. In her letters Mother Teresa describes decades of a long sense of feeling disconnected from God and lacking the earlier zeal which had characterized her efforts to start the Missionaries of Charity. As a result of this, she was judged by some to have "ceased to believe" and was posthumously criticized for hypocrisy.

All great people have their distractors. There was a lack of doctors and licensed nurses – funds are always an issue with charities.  I have seen the same situation in hospitals in Third World Countries. As far as whom she accepted funds from few charities refuse donations.  There is no reason to believe that she knew that some of the people she accepted funds from are thieves. The United States government supported Haiti’s dictator. Robert Maxwell was friends with the Royal family. Charles Keating was on the “A” list of New York socialites. Mother Teresa could not have spoken out for artificial birth control even if she had wanted to.  She was obligated to teach Catholic doctrine. Baptizing non-Christians was not right, but really what harm did she do. If you believe in baptism, she did good, if you do not believe in baptism then what difference does it make. They did nothing more than cool someone’s face. She was a ‘Catholic’ missionary her vocation was to try and bring about conversions. How do you determine how much time and money should be spent in that area? How much time and money do Protestants spend in that area?  I would expect the Assembly of God denomination to do more than Mother Teresa in India. They have the backing of ALL Assembly God Churches World Wide. The Catholic Church was not funding Mother Teresa’s ministry. The Catholic Church requires every order to be self-sustaining.

It is not uncommon for devoted Christians in ministerial work to feel at some time in their life that God is not hearing their prayers. I would say most go through a dark period that can last a very long time. I have had those periods in my life and they have lasted for years. Later in life you do not have the energy you had when you first began your ministry as a younger person. You grow tired faster and more often. If you are devoted to your vocation it is a very difficult life. Once you have an organization up and running even in the private world you experience attitude changes.

I do not believe Mother Teresa every stopped believing and she did not say that she did. She said that she could not feel God’s presence in her life for a long time. That does not mean she did not want to feel His presence and it does not mean she did not believe He was present and it certainly does not mean she no longer believed in God.

She was not a hypocrite for not sharing those feelings before she died. She must have feared it would cause distress for a lot of believers, especially her nuns, because they may not have understood, obviously some did not. I certainly did not and would not have shared my black periods with anyone. She wanted that secret carried to her grave, but she was betrayed by a priest, who had pretended for years to be her friend. In the end money from a book deal meant more than friendship. 

Those that have been critical of Mother Teresa have not accomplished near what she did for the poor. They probably do not understand what it is like to see extreme suffering and death day after day and know there is little you can do to alleviate it. There is never enough time or money. You are constantly second guessing yourself – what if I had done this or that.  I would not have turned down tainted money even if I knew it was tainted, she claims she did not know it was tainted. if I could use tainted money to help the poor and suffering I would.  I see it as taking the devil’s evil and turning it to good! 

I have gone to bed many nights not understanding peoples lack of charity and saying, “God, if everyone would only give fifty cents one time a year so much could be accomplished.” I have been where you know you are working as hard as you ever did, you see growth in the organization, you are witnessing more people being help than ever before, you are praying more, but something is missing. You begin to think something is wrong ‘with me’ and you cannot fix it. The test of your faith continues! God does allow the faithful to be tested.

Get rid of toxic friends!

I have always thought you should be kind to everyone you meet, but lately I am having a hard time doing it. It is easier for me to be kind to the person driving the car that just cut me off or the annoying woman taking forever in front of me in the checkout lane or the person who cut in front of me while waiting for a taxi, than it is for me to continue to be nice to people who call themselves friend or neighbor and constantly irritate me.

I am finding there are some people I simply cannot deal with any longer like the friend/neighbor that is totally oblivious to my pain. They believe they are the only one that has pain and troubles.  I have to apply the lesson that I have preached for years that some people must be loved from a distance and you must get them out of your life.

These people are insensitive and rude to me and they may not even realize it. Their cry for help manifests itself as selfishness, closed-mindedness, anger, insecurity, rudeness, disinterest and malice. I tried to rationalize it was simply a cultural difference, but I can no longer do that. They bring nothing positive to my life!

I am ready to cut out of my life people that continue to be phonies and I cannot trust. I am getting too old to waste time with those who do not understand honesty and loyalty. Mean people who do not disguise themselves as nice I can tolerate. I have come to realize it is better to have an enemy that slaps you in the face than friends that stabs you in the back.

If you're not careful, toxic people can negatively influence the way you think, feel, and behave. They can introduce unnecessary stress into your life and cause chaos that will drag you down. This family has certainly done that for me.

I have a friend/neighbor that I am constantly grumbling and complaining about to my caregiver every time they contact me or their name is mentioned. My talking about these toxic people  when they're not around gives them more power over my life than I am any longer willing to give them.

Every time someone tells me something these gossipers and master manipulators have said about me strong emotions are stirred up. Stress, frustration and rage follows. These toxic friends can get the best of me and cause me to lose control of my emotions.

I no longer want to spend time blaming them for the toxic relationship. My attempts at placing blame have made me realize these toxic people have too much power over me. I now accept personal responsibility for how I spend my time and whom I spend it with. I felt an obligation to put up with them before because I am a retired priest, but no more.

My feeling of dread waiting for them to text or visit consumed a lot of my time and energy.  Christmas is now approaching and I know they will be contacting me to wish me merry Christmas and to tell me how much they miss and love me. This is their routine thinking it will warrant a gift for their grandchild. They also do this around their birthdays, etc. I actually had bought the grandchild a present in preparation for this Christmas, but then today I was told about a nasty remark the husband had made about me and I gave the gift to another child.

I had decided sometime back if I could not beat them, I would just join them. I thought I would accept their behavior even though it was not in accordance with my values. It seemed to be the last resort, but it wasn’t an effective coping strategy. Ultimately, it only created more chaos in my life.

Their manipulative and aggressive tactics made it difficult to set healthy boundaries. When things were not going the way they wanted they would reminded me, “We love you like family, but you will not accept us as family.” I then always felt it was my fault. Without healthy boundaries, it is impossible to protect myself emotionally from their grasp.

I was always in a bad mood after any contact with them. Even thinking of a possible upcoming contact with them upset me. Their unhealthy behavior caused my relationships with others to suffer.

I have decided no longer wasting my time thinking about them will not be enough - I must cut them out of my life. It does not matter how I end the relationship I will be perceived as "mean".  I have been patient long enough.

The husband is like a venomous snake in the grass. He smiles at me when face to face and lies about me when with others and he lies to me about what others say about me. One such occasion was last Easter. The neighborhood chapel does the stations of the cross. There was no reason for him to tell me, but he said when they met the neighbors did not want to have one of the stations at my house and he pleaded with them to do so. I ask him why they would not want to come to my house and he claimed he did not know, but he begged them to change their minds. His parting words were, “Father, I will always have your back.” It upset me and I contacted one of the men on the chapel committed and he told me that it never happened. The man wanted the station placed at his house and requested it be placed there instead of my house. 

Today, I learn that he said if they came to my house to Christmas Carol, a Philippine tradition, he would not come.  Again if he did not want to come to my house he did not have to come, but he did not have to say anything to anyone, just don't come.  He took the opportunity to say something in order to speak negatively about me or cause people to wonder why he did not want to come to my house. Consequently they made the rounds last night and they did not come to my house. 

This is the same man that I paid $1000 to have dental surgery performed on him and dentures made because he was covering his mouth when he smiled because he was embarrassed about his teeth.

These are the same people that I paid the balance of three hospital bills when they did not have the funds to pay them. These are the same people that their son could not register in the private school he attends for the upcoming year because they had a balance from the previous year and I paid off the balance, plus the tuition for the next year and for his books.

I have learned that it is not a good thing to have as many friends as possible, especially when you are buying friendship! They had the advantage over me from the very start of our relationship. I was a foreigner in their world. I had no family or friends and they immediately moved in and took advantage of the situation. I bought into their saying they wanted to “be family”. I now realize they do not get along that well with their own family, so maybe they do treat me like family. I have commented to my caregiver several times I would not waste my time with people like them in the United States and I did not understand why I was doing it here. Desperation for friends I suppose. But, believe me when I say quality is more important than quantity when it comes to friendships.

Relationships should be balanced. It's perfectly normal to ask for help from your friends from time to time. In fact, helping others is one of the best ways to increase your happiness and positivity after 50. But, that doesn't mean that it's your job to solve everyone else's problems.

I do not need friends that make me feel like they hang out with me because of what I can do for them and not what I mean to them? I said earlier I dread receiving calls from them because I know their contacts always come with a request. I do not need or want friends that any contact with them leads to drama.

I am sure cutting my ties with them will for the short term bring some negative emotions like anxiety, guilt, grief, but it will in the long term bring relief.  Do not do as I did and tolerate for eight years a relationship that does not make you feel good or contributes to your wellbeing. We all have the right not to engage in toxic relationships. Today I got a new telephone number and they will not get the number.

Today is the first day of a new beginning when it comes to them and me. I finally realize they only made me a lesser version of myself and I want to be all that I can be. Pray that I will listen to my brain and not my heart and give in and stay the course.