WILL YOU HAVE REGRETS WHEN YOU GROW OLD?

 I recently saw an article asking the same question and I immediately said NO.  Of course I am already OLD, but people have ask me would I do anything different if I could go back in time or if I had any regrets about the decisions I made in the past and I always said NO.  I have had a blessed life and although I had many struggles in my life with the help of God I got through them and think the struggles made me a stronger person. 

After reading the article I realized I do have some doubts about some decisions I made, but I do not know if I could really classify them as regrets.  I recently was sent a small quote, “Sometimes you have to be hard.”  I found that difficult to do.  You see no one help me with one penny of my education, no one help me start a business, no one has ever been at my side, except God.  He was my shadow and the only one I could ever turn to.  My dad died when I was a teenager and from that time until I made it on my own it has been a struggle.  We went from the good life to poverty in a matter of months. 

I have always reached out to help others so they would not have to experience the things I went through and have been burned over and over again.  My best friend constantly ask me, “Father, why do you do it?”  I have helped various members of his family and he has always said, “Father, you are making a big mistake.  They will not appreciate the help and they will use you not the opportunity you gave them to get ahead.”  He was right every time.  The more you give the more they want.  You give them opportunities to get out of poverty and they are not willing to do what is necessary to accomplish the task.  They would prefer you just give them money every week.  Now if I have regrets this would be a significant one.  You can lead the horse to water, but you cannot make the horse drink.  I have a hard time putting that into practice.

I also came to realize how much I had worried about the welfare of others.  I felt an obligation to fix everything and try to make life better for others.  I was worrying about someone else problems and that is foolish.  I was trying to fix others life and neglecting my own.  Worry is never a solution to anything.  Most of the things we worry about will never happen in the first place.  Worry is a waste of time and only contributes to your stress.  

I was not one who was afraid to take risk.  Many Senior Citizens in the survey put that as the number two thing they regretted.  I always preferred taking a risk rather than later thinking ‘I should have’.  I have never been afraid to fail because I always knew I could try again.  I have never wondered if I would have done this what would life be like today.  My advice to young people is – TAKE THE CHANCE.  It is foolish to try and talk yourself out of trying new things. I am not speaking of drugs or alcohol or improper sex that can destroy you or others. If you want to go to Europe, do it! If you want to start a business, do it! But, always do your research before you do it.  Getting into your thirties with a long string of regrets will haunt you all your life. 

The survey found that 76% of Senior Citizens regretted not following their dream.  I do not have any ‘should of’ or ‘ought of’ in my past.  I knew I wanted to be a minister and an entrepreneur.  I was told a thousand times you have to choose one or the other.  I did not settle for one or the other - I had both.  God made it all possible.  My first business was presented to me and I saw it as a way of giving employment to unemployed people in my parish.  I took the risk and from that day until the day I retired I always owned a business and used it for the glory of God.   I feel I was all I should have been and have no regrets. 

Many baby boomers regretted they had not travel more when they were young.  They put it off until they were old and found then their health would not allow them to travel.  Young people, if you do not do it now, you will wish you had later.  One day you to will find your traveling days are over and you will regret it.  I have been to Japan, Vietnam, Thailand, Indonesia, Puerto Rico, Philippines, Laos, Malaysia, Europe, Mexico, all the Virgin Islands and all the USA states.  Some of these places I have made repeat visits.  Traveling is rewarding and if you have the opportunity to do it take it.  To me traveling is more important than a fancy car, branded clothes, remodeling the kitchen, expensive home or jewelry.  I admit I have always had a very nice home with very nice furniture and today I live in a modest townhouse with modest furniture and you know I was not happier in the expensive home with expensive furniture than I am where I live today.  Those expensive things are not really for you to enjoy they are you to show off.

The thing that was high on the list of Senior Citizens was not spending enough  time with loved ones.  Reluctantly I have to say I do have some thoughts about that.  Regrets no, but maybe ‘wish’ I had done better.  I took care of my mother the last 18 years she lived.  I tried to avoid the rest of my family because they only came around to get, not give.  I adopted my nephew and I do wish I would had not worked as many hours and spent more time with him as he was growing up.  I do feel I cheated him.  I was fortunate enough to be with both parents when they died.  The rift with my older sister that left us not speaking to one another for nearly 30 years does hurt.  The only constellation is I did try for about ten years to have a relationship with her.  She is now 90 and I am 80 and both confined to home because of health issues and will never be able to see one another again, thank God we resolved our issues through the mail. I would say to young people do whatever it takes to resolve problems with those you love.

Some Senior Citizens regret the bad habits they formed when they were young and have never been able to break them or broke them too late in life, the damage had already been done. I did not smoke, drink or use drugs because I witness how it destroyed my family members.  I do wish I would have paid more attention to my health when I was young and exercised more.  I ignored a lot of signs because I did not want to admit my heart was not as it should be and that I had been cursed with the family disease.  If you young people are doing drugs, drinking too much, ignoring your health know this you are not only hurting yourself you are hurting those that love you now and may love you in the future. 

Many Senior Citizens regret they did not take education seriously.  If that happens to be you it is never to late to get an education.  You may not be one for college, but there are many good technical fields you can go into if properly trained.  Education is one thing no one can take from you.  I do not recommend going in debt to go to school.  There are plenty of State funded programs you can now take advantage of.  I believe having the name Yale, Harvard or Purdue on your diploma will help very few people.

Thirty-eight percent of Senior Citizens said they regret working at a job all their adult life that they hated.  They were afraid to leave because where they were they were making good money.  It is not worth it.  The real reason they stayed was  they were are afraid to take a risk.  I would rather make less money and be happy than make lots of money and have regrets.  You young people had better stop and figure out how many hours you will spend at a place of employment during your lifetime before you sacrifice happiness for more money. 

The Number 2 thing on the list Senior Citizens regretted was the choice they made with their money.  They ran up debt, lived above their means, did not save enough and spent too much on their adult children trying to make their lives easier.  I started out my adult life thinking about the future.  I read in a church bulletin your money should be set aside each and every payday this way 10% for God, 10% for personal savings and you live on the rest and if anything is left at the end of the money it goes in personal savings.  I have practiced that all my life. The only thing I ever bought on credit was a house.  If I wanted something I figured up the cost and began putting that aside and when I could pay cash I got it.  You really enjoy it much more when you are not worried about how you are going to pay the interest and the principle. I had a friend that used a Sears Revolving Charge Card for yeas.  She never was late on a payment then she got cancer.  Sears eventually came to collect the merchandise.  She thought they were going to take back the last thing she had purchased and not paid off.  Sears took everything she had ever purchased on that card that they could find in her house.  She did not realize the old things were the collateral on the new things she purchased on the card.  I learned a good lesson that day.

Now the number one regret of Senior Citizens was worrying about what people would think.  I AM GUILTY! I did not stop worrying about what people would think  until I was 50 years old.  Today I do not care what other people think about me.  I care what God thinks about me.  I cannot please everyone and I no longer try to.  It is my life!  Young people should go after their own life and their own happiness regardless of what others think.  Be who you are and say what you feel.  Those that are hurt by the truth are not your friends anyway.  White Lies in order to get along with someone never works.  The truth eventually surface and always surfaces at the worse time.  Life is shorter than you think, everyone has flaws, everyone is focused on what is best for them rather than what is best for you.  Embrace uncertainty and do not be afraid to make mistakes.   

I spent my life trying to please everyone in my family and my parish.  I realized too late that it is pointless and impossible.  One Sunday I confronted a problem in my parish from the pulpit.  I announced from that Sunday on I will do what God is leading me to do and if you do not like it leave.  The door in this church works both ways and there are a lot of churches in this town for you to go to and ruin.  No one is going to tell me what to preach or not preach any longer, they are not going to tell what programs I should or should not start and they certainly are not going to tell me who they want or do not want in this church or the kind of people they want in OUR church.  This is not OUR church this is God’s church.  My problems stopped immediately. 

BE WHO GOD CREATED YOU TO BE. BE YOURSELF AND YOU WILL FIND HAPPINESS. BE YOURSELF AND YOU WILL HAVE NO REGRETS WHEN YOU GROW OLD.