WILL YOU HAVE REGRETS WHEN YOU GROW OLD?

 I recently saw an article asking the same question and I immediately said NO.  Of course I am already OLD, but people have ask me would I do anything different if I could go back in time or if I had any regrets about the decisions I made in the past and I always said NO.  I have had a blessed life and although I had many struggles in my life with the help of God I got through them and think the struggles made me a stronger person. 

After reading the article I realized I do have some doubts about some decisions I made, but I do not know if I could really classify them as regrets.  I recently was sent a small quote, “Sometimes you have to be hard.”  I found that difficult to do.  You see no one help me with one penny of my education, no one help me start a business, no one has ever been at my side, except God.  He was my shadow and the only one I could ever turn to.  My dad died when I was a teenager and from that time until I made it on my own it has been a struggle.  We went from the good life to poverty in a matter of months. 

I have always reached out to help others so they would not have to experience the things I went through and have been burned over and over again.  My best friend constantly ask me, “Father, why do you do it?”  I have helped various members of his family and he has always said, “Father, you are making a big mistake.  They will not appreciate the help and they will use you not the opportunity you gave them to get ahead.”  He was right every time.  The more you give the more they want.  You give them opportunities to get out of poverty and they are not willing to do what is necessary to accomplish the task.  They would prefer you just give them money every week.  Now if I have regrets this would be a significant one.  You can lead the horse to water, but you cannot make the horse drink.  I have a hard time putting that into practice.

I also came to realize how much I had worried about the welfare of others.  I felt an obligation to fix everything and try to make life better for others.  I was worrying about someone else problems and that is foolish.  I was trying to fix others life and neglecting my own.  Worry is never a solution to anything.  Most of the things we worry about will never happen in the first place.  Worry is a waste of time and only contributes to your stress.  

I was not one who was afraid to take risk.  Many Senior Citizens in the survey put that as the number two thing they regretted.  I always preferred taking a risk rather than later thinking ‘I should have’.  I have never been afraid to fail because I always knew I could try again.  I have never wondered if I would have done this what would life be like today.  My advice to young people is – TAKE THE CHANCE.  It is foolish to try and talk yourself out of trying new things. I am not speaking of drugs or alcohol or improper sex that can destroy you or others. If you want to go to Europe, do it! If you want to start a business, do it! But, always do your research before you do it.  Getting into your thirties with a long string of regrets will haunt you all your life. 

The survey found that 76% of Senior Citizens regretted not following their dream.  I do not have any ‘should of’ or ‘ought of’ in my past.  I knew I wanted to be a minister and an entrepreneur.  I was told a thousand times you have to choose one or the other.  I did not settle for one or the other - I had both.  God made it all possible.  My first business was presented to me and I saw it as a way of giving employment to unemployed people in my parish.  I took the risk and from that day until the day I retired I always owned a business and used it for the glory of God.   I feel I was all I should have been and have no regrets. 

Many baby boomers regretted they had not travel more when they were young.  They put it off until they were old and found then their health would not allow them to travel.  Young people, if you do not do it now, you will wish you had later.  One day you to will find your traveling days are over and you will regret it.  I have been to Japan, Vietnam, Thailand, Indonesia, Puerto Rico, Philippines, Laos, Malaysia, Europe, Mexico, all the Virgin Islands and all the USA states.  Some of these places I have made repeat visits.  Traveling is rewarding and if you have the opportunity to do it take it.  To me traveling is more important than a fancy car, branded clothes, remodeling the kitchen, expensive home or jewelry.  I admit I have always had a very nice home with very nice furniture and today I live in a modest townhouse with modest furniture and you know I was not happier in the expensive home with expensive furniture than I am where I live today.  Those expensive things are not really for you to enjoy they are you to show off.

The thing that was high on the list of Senior Citizens was not spending enough  time with loved ones.  Reluctantly I have to say I do have some thoughts about that.  Regrets no, but maybe ‘wish’ I had done better.  I took care of my mother the last 18 years she lived.  I tried to avoid the rest of my family because they only came around to get, not give.  I adopted my nephew and I do wish I would had not worked as many hours and spent more time with him as he was growing up.  I do feel I cheated him.  I was fortunate enough to be with both parents when they died.  The rift with my older sister that left us not speaking to one another for nearly 30 years does hurt.  The only constellation is I did try for about ten years to have a relationship with her.  She is now 90 and I am 80 and both confined to home because of health issues and will never be able to see one another again, thank God we resolved our issues through the mail. I would say to young people do whatever it takes to resolve problems with those you love.

Some Senior Citizens regret the bad habits they formed when they were young and have never been able to break them or broke them too late in life, the damage had already been done. I did not smoke, drink or use drugs because I witness how it destroyed my family members.  I do wish I would have paid more attention to my health when I was young and exercised more.  I ignored a lot of signs because I did not want to admit my heart was not as it should be and that I had been cursed with the family disease.  If you young people are doing drugs, drinking too much, ignoring your health know this you are not only hurting yourself you are hurting those that love you now and may love you in the future. 

Many Senior Citizens regret they did not take education seriously.  If that happens to be you it is never to late to get an education.  You may not be one for college, but there are many good technical fields you can go into if properly trained.  Education is one thing no one can take from you.  I do not recommend going in debt to go to school.  There are plenty of State funded programs you can now take advantage of.  I believe having the name Yale, Harvard or Purdue on your diploma will help very few people.

Thirty-eight percent of Senior Citizens said they regret working at a job all their adult life that they hated.  They were afraid to leave because where they were they were making good money.  It is not worth it.  The real reason they stayed was  they were are afraid to take a risk.  I would rather make less money and be happy than make lots of money and have regrets.  You young people had better stop and figure out how many hours you will spend at a place of employment during your lifetime before you sacrifice happiness for more money. 

The Number 2 thing on the list Senior Citizens regretted was the choice they made with their money.  They ran up debt, lived above their means, did not save enough and spent too much on their adult children trying to make their lives easier.  I started out my adult life thinking about the future.  I read in a church bulletin your money should be set aside each and every payday this way 10% for God, 10% for personal savings and you live on the rest and if anything is left at the end of the money it goes in personal savings.  I have practiced that all my life. The only thing I ever bought on credit was a house.  If I wanted something I figured up the cost and began putting that aside and when I could pay cash I got it.  You really enjoy it much more when you are not worried about how you are going to pay the interest and the principle. I had a friend that used a Sears Revolving Charge Card for yeas.  She never was late on a payment then she got cancer.  Sears eventually came to collect the merchandise.  She thought they were going to take back the last thing she had purchased and not paid off.  Sears took everything she had ever purchased on that card that they could find in her house.  She did not realize the old things were the collateral on the new things she purchased on the card.  I learned a good lesson that day.

Now the number one regret of Senior Citizens was worrying about what people would think.  I AM GUILTY! I did not stop worrying about what people would think  until I was 50 years old.  Today I do not care what other people think about me.  I care what God thinks about me.  I cannot please everyone and I no longer try to.  It is my life!  Young people should go after their own life and their own happiness regardless of what others think.  Be who you are and say what you feel.  Those that are hurt by the truth are not your friends anyway.  White Lies in order to get along with someone never works.  The truth eventually surface and always surfaces at the worse time.  Life is shorter than you think, everyone has flaws, everyone is focused on what is best for them rather than what is best for you.  Embrace uncertainty and do not be afraid to make mistakes.   

I spent my life trying to please everyone in my family and my parish.  I realized too late that it is pointless and impossible.  One Sunday I confronted a problem in my parish from the pulpit.  I announced from that Sunday on I will do what God is leading me to do and if you do not like it leave.  The door in this church works both ways and there are a lot of churches in this town for you to go to and ruin.  No one is going to tell me what to preach or not preach any longer, they are not going to tell what programs I should or should not start and they certainly are not going to tell me who they want or do not want in this church or the kind of people they want in OUR church.  This is not OUR church this is God’s church.  My problems stopped immediately. 

BE WHO GOD CREATED YOU TO BE. BE YOURSELF AND YOU WILL FIND HAPPINESS. BE YOURSELF AND YOU WILL HAVE NO REGRETS WHEN YOU GROW OLD.    

Generational Poverty

There is a cycle of poverty known as “Generational Poverty” and it is nearly impossible to correct.  Generational Poverty is when three or four generations of the same family have grown up in poverty.  They have no memory of anyone in the family not living in poverty. They begin to accept that survival is enough and do not make an attempt to get out of poverty.

 

Many much smarter than me say they begin to accept survival over trying to advance because they lack resources, education and connections. They claim that if they had outside help they could break the cycle of poverty.  Without outside help they are destined to be poor generation after generation.

This is true to a certain extent, but I do not believe it is the only cause of generational poverty.  Generational poverty becomes a mindset and is nearly impossible to break regardless of the outside help they have. I say this because I have tried to help and have first hand experience in the Philippines.  I will explain later. 

I admit poverty can be and generally is the results of low productivity, low salaries, poor governance, ignorance, lack of skills and technology, lack of education, disease, disasters, unemployment, marital status, lack of confidence, victim mentality and mass imprisonment of men.     

A 1960 study said trying to advance the skills of children in poverty has proven difficult and expensive, therefore they suggest supplementing the income of all poor 
families to bring them up to the level of the other students in their schools.  I am sorry this does not make sense to me.  Do they intend for us to supplement the salaries of every generation that follows and there will never be and end to the burden it puts on tax payers and it will never advance an individual who is living in poverty.  There is an old clique give a man a fish and he will eat once, but teach him to fish and he will eat the rest of his life.   

There was a study in France in 2004 that liked the idea that Obama proposed “Income Transfer”, take from the rich and give to the poor.  But, the study did  
 conclude this should only be a quick fix and could not be continued because the real solution is the government must assure a quality education for all. This plan was 
different than the GREAT PRESIDENT OBAMA'S for his plan would have 
continued for ever because it was to be part of the I.R.S.  

Do you remember the other great plan of the Democrats in the 1960's favor minorities in job and entrance to college. They did not apply for jobs and they did not go to college.  When it came time to stop the plan they revolted.  The ones that benefit from the Civil Rights Plan would have probably succeeded without it for they were already achievers.  Contrary to what we are told I believe most rich people do not inherit their wealth they obtain their wealth by working hard.  Most of the rich did not attend private schools they attended public schools.  I think it has more to do 
with  the motivation of the individual to want to do better than handouts.

After my Father died, when I was in my early teens, we became poor very fast.  I was 
determined I did not want to be poor all my life and I worked my way through 
college and graduate school and manage to obtain a lifestyle where I never experienced poverty again.

Since living in the Philippines I have paid all expenses for five students to go to college  and given them a weekly stipends.  One graduated from College.  The others did not have enough desire to advance in life.  One young lady was an honor student, but her parents thought it best she drop out and go to work so she could help support 
the family. She believed she should follow Philippine tradition.  One family was afraid the child would have more of an attachment for me than them and would not 
help them when he finished college. I now pay a family to send their daughter to school who is in the seventh grade and an honor student and pray she continues.  Her 
family seems to understand the importance of an education.

My point is these five students had outside help and only one took advantage of it.  Now I will give you more examples. They concern helping families start a business. 

A young couple in their late twenties, a nice couple, was living in poverty and I was 
the Godfather to their child.  They went back to the city where they came from and I financed a small café for them.  I personally went and purchased all the equipment, had the space remodeled and paid one year utilities and rent in advance.  They opened and did better than I had ever anticipated.  The first warning to me was when the wife said we are the owners and I should not be waiting tables I should be the cashier.  She had her Father build her a nice little cashier booth where she sat on her 
butt all day.  They had to replace her with a paid employee.  The third month they had made enough money to take a vacation in Cebu to show off their new found wealth to his family.  They closed for three weeks.  When they returned they found that the customers they had daily had gone elsewhere and they  could not 
understand why.  To make a long story short they pawned all the equipment, left the 
building empty with about ten months rent and utilities paid.  To top it all they did not even feel and obligation to tell the customer on a sign that they were closed for three weeks and would reopen. They had outside help, but could not or would handle the responsibility.

I help a mother and son open a grocery store.  The mother was disabled and the son was about 23 and a prostitute making money at the mall off of foreign men.  I visited the mother and knew the circumstances and decided to help.  She did have a home on a busy street and a front yard big enough for a small store.  I had it build, equipped and stocked.  Another success story for about six months.  I visited the mother to find 
the store closed and found the boy like being a prostitute better than having to stay in the store more free time he said prostituing  Today he has A.I.D.S. and the mother is deceased.  It was not the lack of outside help it was the lack of desire and being responsible.

I helped a brother and sister open another café and I will not go into to that. I had owned a restaurant in Houston, Texas and try to advise them, but no they would not listen. They preferred to blame lack of business on the lack of traffic and the people in cars drove by to fast and everything else they could imagine.  I told them they should try a buffet style restaurant before they closed – no interest.  I told them they should have a limited menu and an offer a different meal everyday and then simply repeat it for the next week for the workers near by – no interest.  Restaurant closed!

Still being the fool I am I helped a woman open a vendors stall at the Davao Street Market.  She is doing well, but could do much better.  The problem is she does not like change.  Whatever you suggest you can see it in her face she is not listening and is not going to try it. She was told if she would arrange the used clothing in colors and sizes and put them on the rack neatly more people would come into her stall.  I was told Filipino’s do not like that they like digging through stuff piled on a table and finding what they want.  So in other words ALL Filipino people have no desire to 

shop in ease and in a well organized place they are too low class for that.  That what I hear her saying.  There is a saying in retail that women do not like to “Butt Swipe” when shopping which means they like enough space so other are not brushing up against them.  I was told Filipino’s do not care anything about that they live five and six in one room they are use to being crowed.  Last night I advised them no more help and no more money.  I think they will make enough to have a dried fish and rice everyday for breakfast.  Outside help may have failed again.

I was helping an orphanage in a nearby town.  One day I happen upon one of the directors Facebook Page.  All of these pictures of people that were supposedly 
volunteering at the Home were going on all day sightseeing trips on boats, staying the weekend at resorts on Samal Island. But, I was told weekly, “Father, if we do not get money in we will have to close in two weeks.”  Most of the volunteers were friends 
and family. Naturally they get nothing from me any longer.  They got outside help, but did not change anything.  These people were college graduates who  when looking at their material possessions it looks like they have nothing, house not decent, no car, cheap furniture, etc.

Then my Filipino friend told me, “Father, those people are not going to change no matter what you give them.  You give it and they spend it on a party.  They are happy the way they are and do not want more out of life.  You want to give them a chance to live a better life, because you feel sorry for them, but what you do not understand is 
they really do not care about having a better life because that would mean more work, less play and more responsibility.” This friend is the only one I helped that finished College and got a degree in Accounting.

This week I happened upon a You Tube site where a young Filipino man was talking about poverty in the Philippines.  This young man has made it big in the entertainment business in the States.  He said that all his family expect him to support them while they lay around the house in the Philippines.  He claims he did that for several years.  He then realized he was not helping them get out of poverty and now he gives them nothing.  He said of course they think he is terrible and has no heart and tell him that was not the way he was raised.  His reply is it is not the way I was raised and if I followed the culture and traditions of the way I was raised I would be 
poor to. His niece is at the moment hates  him for not sending her to college. He told her no one sent me I worked at a Call Center at night and went to college in the day you can do the same.  What he said may seem cold, but he is right.  He is only contributing to Generational Poverty as long as he keeps supporting them all.  One has to desire to get out of poverty in order to get out of poverty.

I gave the lady in the Davao Street Market 144 Tee Shirts, name brand, overruns.  She immediately replied I cannot sell those things.  They are too expensive and no one would pay what they are worth.  They are too thin, Filipinos like thick cotton shirts.  They are all tagged with prices from stores.  The price on the tags and what I ask her to try and sell them for is ¼.  The largest Department Store in the Philippines sells the same brands and same shirts. She honestly believes Filipinos prefer used clothes because that is what they are used to. Not open to trying and certainly not open to change.  It is festival week in Davao alot of people from out of town.  If they had money to fly here for the festival they may have money to pay a little more for new clothes. 

So I do not buy the idea that all people living in poverty need is OUTSIDE help!  They also need the desire to get out of poverty.